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James Mather
James Mather,
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 22629
Experience:  Senior Partner at Berkson Wallace
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I was in an abusive relationship which resulted in a daughter

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I was in an abusive relationship which resulted in a daughter who is now 9. I had a rstrainign roder for two years against my former partner which has now expired and he has requested access to see his daughter. He has asked for a) initial telephone access until she is ready to see him b) then supervised (if necessary) access once a week. Whilst on the surface this request seems reasonable I do not trust him and in view of the violent history I would want the court to make a decision. I am now happily married and the current situation is having an adverse effect on my family and of my daughter is really worried about seeing her dad again. My questions are:

1. As I would want any decision about access to be made by the Court and for CAFCASS to Get involved, can I apply the Court for this or does the father have to?
2. I want to ensure that my family is fully protected so can I apply for a non-molestation order or do I have to go through a lawyer
Was he ever abusive to your daughter?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Yes both verbalyl and physically. She was with him (not co habiting) for five years. I should also add his name is XXXXX XXXXX the birth certificate.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Sorry I think I have confused you! He was physically and verbally abusive to me but never his daughter although she has been traumatised by the whole situation.

can apply although you should try to resolve matters using family mediation

it is quicker and less confrontational than court it isnt necessarily cheaper

If she attempts to stop contact then you need to try and
discuss matters with her using. If this fails then you can apply to the court
for a defined contact order which will formalise arrangements.

The necessary forms are available on the here

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James Mather,
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 22629
Experience: Senior Partner at Berkson Wallace
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

The two questions I am asking are:


1. Even though my former partner is requesting the access can I be the one to apply to the Court stating that he has asked for this and that I would want them to make the decision. Or, does my former partner have to make the decision?


2. Can I apply for a non molestation order directly to the court or do I have to go to a lawyer

1 You can apply. If you cannot agree contact arrangemenst between you, the court will decide.

2 You can DiY but if the old one has expired you will have to wait for another incident or threat of one

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Getting a bit clearer. Can you advise:


1. Who actually applies to the Court for the access arrangements? Is it me or the former partner


2. Can I have a non molestation order even though there has not been another incident?

No problem.

1 Either you or he can

2 It is unlikely that the court would grant one if there has been no incident for 2 years. There must be real threat or real fear of violence.

The law says that a child is entitled to contact with both parents and despite your understandable reservations it is important that you show that you are open to the possibility
At this point all you need to do is agree to attend Mediation to discuss the way forward.
You can insist on Shuttle mediation to ensure that you do not have to be in the same room as him.
Starting with phone contact is not wise - children find it hard to maintain conversations with adults they know well let alone strangers.
It is more realistic given the history to offer supervised contact for an hour once a month at a Contact Centre with a review after six months.
If at the end of that time he has shown that he is committed to building a relationship and has ceased to harass you then it can move on.
If he will not accept this at mediation then leave it to HIM to make the application to the court - if he is really willing to make the effort to get to know the child then he will apply - if he does not then he clearly is not that interested
With regard to the non molestation order you cannot do anything until he has stepped out of line again I am afraid - and even then you are better using the Police than the Civil Courts
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

how would i go about applying for mediation

Again I would be minded to put that requirement on him - simply write back and say that you are willing to discuss this at Mediation and that you look forward to hearing from a local Mediator.
He needs to show commitment and work at this if he is truly wishing to build a new relationship with the child