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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34902
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Hello, I am considering separating and eventually divorcing

Customer Question

I am considering separating and eventually divorcing my husband.
We have a 3 and a half year old daughter. I would never want to destroy their very special relationship.
But I do feel like we are no longer right for each other - for many reasons over the years.
My question is: Once I legally ask for separation, how do I apply and get a single mother benefits? i.e. house and any help available ?
I am stay at home mum and completely financially depended on my husband.

I have made my decision and I need to know my options, how can I sort out my life out for me and my daughter.

Waiting for Your advise,
Paula Zawahreh.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  James Mather replied 4 years ago.
Hello, I am Law Denning and I am a practising solicitor. I have been an expert on this website in UK law since 2008. During that time, as you appreciate, I have answered thousands of questions from satisfied users on a variety of subjects.
Because we are all in practice with clients and court and other users, I might not always respond in minutes, particularly evenings and weekends. Please bear with me in that case. I will be online and off-line all day today.

It is my pleasure to try and assist you with this today. Please bear with me while I gather some further information from you in order for me to be able to advise you fully.

Do you own or rent your house?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

This house is in his brothers name and us both, my husband and me, are listed as tenants legally.

Expert:  James Mather replied 4 years ago.
I am going to opt out of this for another expert. The thread will now open to all experts. There is no need for you to do anything and please don’t not reply otherwise it comes back into my inbox. Another expert, with the suitable expertise, will be along shortly.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Sorry for replying back but I haven't received any messages yet.

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your question
I shall do my best to help you.
Do you wish to remain in the current property or would you prefer tp move out?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

To move out - but that's where the problem starts.

Can You provide me with information on getting help as a single mum?

I can only make a change if I know I will get help and support and I be able to stand on my own two feet.

I can wait until I get this help but without it I am stuck in relationship for good.

And on how to ask legally for separation in marriage.


ps. Would legal separation in marriage help me to gain those benefits for single mum's? Or is there any other way for me to get back control of my own life?

What do You usually advice women in my situation?

The longer I think about it the more confused I become.

One thing I do know is if I don't act now, he will be walking all over me for the rest of my life.

I'm 24 with a future - I just need some guidance to get me started.

I will never take his right to be a father and I would do anything to stimulate my daughters and her dad's relationship.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Im sorry, but is it really going to be 2 hours wait between each question??

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
My apologies for the delay but we are all working lawyers so are not always able to respond immediately I am afraid
You have not mentioned any violence so I shall assume that there has been no history of it.
Your starting point is to visit your local housing office and explain that your relationship is over and that as you are living in property belonging to your brother in law you will not be able to stay there,
They will undoubtedly tell you that you will not be a priority for rehousing as you are legally allowed to stay where you are - but they should tell you about the Bond scheme that they administer which will allow you to rent privately.
You will have to use local letting agents to find a property that accepts children and those on benefits but once you have then you will be eligible for Housing Benefits to help you pay the rent and Income support and Child Tax Credits to help you with your daily bills.
You can check which benefits you are eligible for here
There is no requirement for a divorce - the fact that you are moving out is sufficient.
Your local Childrens Centre may run an advice clinic on housing and benefits - it is certainly worth asking
I hope this helps - if you need more information please just ask
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I didn't want to go into details.

Yes there has been a previous violence - physical and psychological.

Yes I have been forgiving and trying to move on for the sake of the family kind of person. But that has been on going for nearly 6 years.

I don't want to live my life this way.

He had a very difficult court case in which I stood by him and I have lived allowing social services to visit and check on my child's safety.

I have put up with a lot of "looking around" by him, and every time I end up explaining it to myself that I am insecure or for the sake of the little one should give us another chance.

I feel like I am trapped and I know I don't want to feel this way no more.

He is a great dad.

I want to leave but I haven't got any help from my family.

How can I be working and looking after my daughter??

I have focused on my family - I still love him, sure I do. But that's until next time I catch him on looking or doing something.

I need to move on but it's got to be with strong foundations so it can work!

I don't want to waste my life as many other women have, believing it's going to be better. I don't want to feel like I am walked all over.

In comparison to those who go through the violence their partner tells them they are sorry and it's never going to happen again. But it does.

My life has been the same.

Every time I catch him on wrong doing he denies it or says he shouldn't have done it and he is sorry and declares his love and all that blah blah blah.

Please You are a woman and I need more advise.

Otherwise I would not have come to this place to look for anything.

It's toxic to me - we are a loving family but he took me for granted too many times.



PS. I have been living in UK since I was 15, studied and worked until I started to look after my family. I am Polish and so far not been worried on getting a British Passport. My husband has a British Passport as his mum is Irish/English. We also got married here in 2009.

If that information helps out a bit I thought You may need it.


Awaiting Your reply,

Kindest Regards,

Paula Zawahreh.


Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
Are you sure you do not wish to stay where you are?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Why?? Would I profit from it in any other way?

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
I was considering the position with regard to your housing needs - you say that you wish to leave the property - would it not be simpler to force your ex to leave?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Inaccurate answer.
Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
I gave you a full answer to the question you asked
You then asked if the position was different given that there HAD been domestic violence.
It is indeed different - but they way forward depends on whether you wish to stay in the current property or still wish to move out?