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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 35073
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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im having problems with the father of my 20 month year old

Customer Question

im having problems with the father of my 20 month year old baby i have currently denied him access as due to her i can not just hand her over for him to spend time with her as we cannot be civil for any length of time to discuss her needs, also my main concern is that he will not return her to me he is from Romania he does not have British nationality however stupidly i put him on the birth certificate he is now claiming he is going to take me to court for access i spoke briefly to a solicitor who said contact most probably would take place in a contact center however he seems to think he is eligible for more and he claims his solicitor is going direct to the courts without even speaking to my solicitor via letters is this possible i do have a small idea how the system works but this is a new thing what he mentioned my understanding of the process was that the solicitors would write and eventually if that wasn't successful a court date then a caffcass worker appointed and reports then the judge would make a decision but still due to the age of the child and the fact he has threatened to take her would anymore access be granted im worried he seems to think he has a plan hatched he generally is a sly dog hence my concerns. thank you
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  James Mather replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your question here on Just answer. It is my pleasure to try and assist you with this today. Please bear with me if I need to ask for any further information from you in order for me to be able to advise you fully. My name isXXXXX and I am a practising solicitor. I have been an expert on this website in UK law since 2008. During that time, as you appreciate, I have answered thousands of questions from satisfied users on a variety of subjects.

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Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your question
I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
have you actually offered contact at a local Contact Centre or not?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

he has said he wants to go through the courts im worried he has some underhanded surprise up his sleeve im unsure if this is possible any access i want done in a controled environment where he is under no ideas he can snatch the child as i realize as he is on the birth certificate if he takes her it then is a cvil matter i would need to sort how do i overcome this

thanks donna

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

i have two older children who suffer with special needs so are siblings to the baby i have reservations about what he thinks he seems to think he can say in court to make a judge allocate anymore than a few hours on a saturday in a contact center am i right to belive this or not please


thank you donna

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
Your starting point is to offer to discuss matters with your ex using Family Mediation (
It does not matter that he will not agree - it is important that you are seen to have offered - and to have already offered contact at your local Contact Centre - so find the details so that the offer can be made (
If he goes to court that will work in your favour as you will then be able to ask the court to make a Residence Order in your favour to ensure that he cannot remove the child from the UK.
If you need more information it would be helpful if you could let me know how long you have been separated and what part he has had in the care of the child
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

we have had a turbulant relatsionship for the past year and half i thought as mum i had a residence order automaticaly i cannot offer a contact center unless i know it is done through the correct chanels as my concern is the removing of the child so doesnt that counteract what the point is. he would see the child aprox twice a week on a good week



Customer: replied 4 years ago.

on a bad time maybe once a month the problem is when he has been unpleasant he has been rude and nasty to my 14 year old who has autism hence why i havent had him come around when things are bad between us

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
When he has seen the children has it always been in your home?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

he sees his child at my home on a good time everyone gets alone on a bad time he can be nasty and abusive and generally my daughter who isnt his daughter seems to get the raw end of the deal with his sarcastic comments any contact must be through a controlled contact center my fear is he will refuse to return the child i have not allowed to leave him take the baby anywhere as he has threatened to take her before now in reality i was under the assumption that at most he would have is contact at a contact center would he be allowed more is all im wanting to know im just worried about what he may have been advised as i stated he seems to think he has some kind of trick thats going knock me for six in court whats the worse i can expect him to apply or ask for please

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

can i insist on a romanian crb check as well

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
In fact you do not have Automatic Residence at all.
You BOTH have parental responsibility for the child and the right to have the child in your care
At the moment your ex has not challenged the fact that the child lives with you - and even if he did the fact that you have always had the care of the child means that the Court would then award YOU Residence.
However the law says that a child is entitled to regular contact with both parents and the courts will enforce this if necessary
You have understandable concerns about the safety of the child in the care of her father which means that contact in a Contact Centre would be a sensible offer to make.
There is no need to wait until the court orders it - you can offer it immediately and be sure that the child will not be removed from the centre
If the matter does go to court then yes there is a chance that he will EVENTUALLY get contact away form the centre when and if he proves that he is capable of caring for the child and IF arrangements are in place yo ensure that he cannot remove the child from the country
It is in fact very much in your interests to offer contact at a Contact Centre now as it proves that you are willing to facilitate contact provided it can be done safely