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James Mather
James Mather,
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 22629
Experience:  Senior Partner at Berkson Wallace
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Myself and partner split up months ago but still live in the

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Myself and partner split up months ago but still live in the same house, she does not pay her way and its crippling me, but more than that, i have been the primary carer for out six year old, she has been in spain for summer holidays and got back three weeks ago, since then me and my ex had an argument and now she is claiming abuse and wont let me see my daughter, stating i will turn her away from her, in fact my daughter and i have an amazing bond, until three weeks ago and now all she wants is her grandma in spain and mother, this is hurting me badly, they have obviously turned my daughter away from me and dont want me to turn her back, i for years have picked my daughter up and looked after her for hours until her mother decided to come home, not that is not good enough and keeps her with the child minder until 2030 hrs each evening so i dont get to see her unless her mother is present, i dont know what to do

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Just to clarify, is she claiming that you have abused her?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

she said that when we shouted on the first day i shouted too loud and that is the form of abuse, i am part deaf and sometimes talk loud, also erin my daughter was involved taking to her grandma on skype at the same time, i understand spanish i heard dady is shouting erin he is bad

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

also im her natural father and do not now see her hardly at all because of my ex's doing,

How far is West London from you?

Are you concerned she may return to Spain with the child?

If you are both in the same house, how can she stop you seeing the

Who is the main carer of the child on a day to day basis?

Was the house bought as a family home?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I live in basildon essex, we bought our council maisonette and have a joint mortgage she is coming of the mortgage and moving to west london, 100 miles away, she wont let me be alone with my daughter she comes home at 2030 hrs on a school night and goes straight to bed, she has a job in west london and has met someone there. She is always going to west london at weekends and so i stay in basildon, i have met someone else and go and see hert in the evening after erin is in bed and at weekends when erin is in west london

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

sorry missed an answer, i was the primary carer for my daughter for the past 6 years, i was blown up in the army and had to spent the firts 4 years of her life solely looking after her whilst i had loads of operations, then 1 year after i started back was made redundant for 1 year where i was again 100% primary carer, even now at work, before she went to spain, i dressed her gave her breakfast, after work i collected her and we woudl go bowling or play on the wii or pratise reading and maths, my ex would come home at 10pm or 11pm, stating she was working so i would be putting her to bed, then she went to spain for 6 weeks and when she came back she told me that they would be back at 1930 hrs, so i was out with my new girlfriend, and got home at 1900 hrs, they had been there at 10am which caused the argument she made no try to contact me to say they were back,

You should try to resolve
matters using family mediation

Although it is quicker and less
confrontational than court it isnt necessarily cheaper

If she
attempts to stop contact then you need to try and discuss matters with her
using mediation before rushing off to court. If this fails then you can apply
to the court for a defined contact order which will formalise arrangements.

The necessary forms are available on the here

there is a possibility that the courts could award you residents
(custody) because of the history of you being the primary carer for six years. At
least, based on these facts, I think that joint residence might be an option
however that would not be an option if you lived 100 miles apart.

In that respect, and if you thought that the mother may want to
return to Spain with your daughter, you could apply to court for a prohibited
steps order to prevent the mother taking the child away from the vicinity or
out of the country.

In circumstances like this, although the mother may threaten that
she is going to prevent you from seeing your daughter she probably has about as
much chance of doing that as winning the lottery twice in a week!

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