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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 35054
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My ex partner who i always allow access to our son keeps threatening

Customer Question

My ex partner who i always allow access to our son keeps threatening me with court and joint access, We have a verbal agreement that he has him two and a half days every week and when ever he needs to change days or swap days or drop him off early and pick him up early thats never a problem as i always agree and make other arrangements for our son to be with me when ever he does this, unfortunately on this occasion when i asked him to have him earlier than the agreed time this monday i was told i am taking the mickey and the answer was i am going for joint custody, i have advied him that as i am now worried about chris not giving my son back i have told him i will stop access until this is sorted in a court of law as i am constantly being threatened with court, jacob has a good home life and a brother and is happy, Please can you advise me if stopping access whilst this goes through court is the correct way forward or will this go against me?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare and I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old is your son and has his father ever actually not returned him?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Our son is 4 and a half and he has never not returned him but i do worry, i am always happy to help and when when ever he has something else to do like go out with friends or take his girlfriend out or go to alton towers which is once a month that seems more important, plus he has family who live in other country's,

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
It is never wise to stop contact unless there is a real risk to the child if you do not.
At the moment you do have a shared care arrangement since he has him two nights a week - and it is most unlikely that a Court would change it seems it appears that this is in fact all his father wants.
This is shared residence - there is no requirement or expectation that that means a 50/50 share of the week nor will the court impose this In most shared care arrangement there is usually one parent who is the flexible one who makes the arrangement work - and in this case it is you.
Forcing your ex to make a court application will not help either of you and will lock you into a system that is emotionally draining.
Instead suggest to your ex that you attend Family mediation ( to try and resolve the issues between you.
More information on this website
Please ask if you need further deatils
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

thank you cfor your response. I think its gone past mediation at this point. As anytime there is an issue or something he doesnt like becuase it doesnt suit him its court again. I think I have gotten to a point where I would rather this be done legally because I am already emotionally drained. In terms of next steps. How does this work with court. Do I wait to hear from his solicitor? How long do these sorts of cases take to be resolved

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
Threatening Court is not unusual and whether or not you think mediation will work you need to try it - if not it is the first thing that the Court will order
Do NOT stop contact - it puts you in the wrong immediately and you will find it difficult to recover from in the eyes of the court
Instead set out the arrangements that you have previously agreed to and say that you will no longer be willing to be flexible - that is when he has the child and he must make his own arrangements accordingly.
If he cant have the child that is fine - but then he is not due to have him until the next week - then stick to it.
Offer to discuss it at mediation
Then if he does not wish to and does not like the arrangements he can apply to the court - and the court will see that you have behaved appropriately
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

HI Claire

some further information regarding the reason I am worried he won't give Jacob back. In text messages I have he has told me that as he is marrying into money he can provide a better life for jacob and can afford for him to go to private school which my self and husband can't. He has told me that if I was a better mother I would quit work and stay at home with my children because this is now what he is able to do as his fiancee is making more than enough to support the both of them. I dont if ina court of law this would also go against me the fact that I do work full time. Jacob is currently in nursery wed - friday. He dad has him Monday and Tuesdays. I hope this information will help


Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
Do not worry - you working and the issue of private schooling is no risk to your long term care of your son