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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
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Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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Last year an ex boyfriends lawyer sent me a letter accusing

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Last year an ex boyfriend's lawyer sent me a letter accusing me of causing him 'fear and distress' by 'harassing' him or posting tweets which he claimed were me 'inciting violence.' My father contacted his lawyer on my behalf & informed them that I had evidence of the emotionally abusive nature of our relationship - an example email from my ex boyfriend is 'You are a f***ing lying c***, enjoy sucking his fetid c**k.' They then spoke to him and called back to tell me he was willing to drop it if there was strictly no contact between us. By October he had made contact with me again - via post and email as I had blocked his number & changed mine. I was foolish enough to get back into this abusive relationship with him and now this week, having told him once and for all that I cannot go on like this, he has said that as I won't see him, he will 'reopen the case' against me. Is this possible and what would the next steps be for him? Also where should I go from here? Would it be a good idea to speak to the police and seek a harassment warning notice as I have repeatedly told him to stop contacting me and he has ignored it.

Thank you for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I will try to help with this.

Has your ex boyfriend contacted the police please?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Jo




I am really not certain of what he's done. He claims that the police have 'all my tweets on file, even the deleted ones' from when he sent the previous letter but as he is a pathological liar I have no idea what's true and what he says purely to threaten me. Yesterday he told me that he would be going to see his lawyer today to 'see what they say.' I have told him that I know I have been abused by him and he denied everything - there are two separate nights on which he has forced me to 'kiss' him and he claims that this cannot be a sexual assault as we have had consensual sex before and since then. He is 32 years my senior and also uses this to intimidate me.

Sorry if Im missing the point but on what basis are you hoping to report him to the police for harassment ?

The only contact you've had recently is this letter from his solicitor asking you not to make contact? That is right?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

No not at all, we started seeing each other again in October 2013 and he made first contact with me. The letter from his lawyer is from around August 2013. Until about a fortnight ago we were still in a relationship and because I have told him I can't see him again, he has told me he will 'reopen the case' against me today. He said that if that is the 'only way to get me to speak to him' he will do it. I blocked his calls, emails and texts two weeks ago but he is still able to contact me via instant messaging. He demanded all presents and some money back - which I agreed to and I have repeatedly asked him to leave me alone. However the other night when he discovered I had been out he flooded me with messages saying 'LIAR' - dozens of these - and then sent me some private photos he has of me and after saying he was coming to my house the next morning (I currently live with my parents) said 'I'm sure your parents will love your photo album.' He claims this was not a threat to show sexually explicit photos of me to my family when to me, clearly it is. Yesterday after saying 'see you in court' he sent me the same message approx 20 times 'Answer some questions without lying.' At the moment I have not heard from him (nor sent him anything) since yesterday afternoon when I again told him to leave me alone.

Ok. Thanks.

This is nothing to worry about. He is not going to reopen a case against you. He can't have consensual contact with you and then decide you are harassing him for responding to that.

Of course, there may well have been harassment at one point but there is water under the bridge since then and the civil courts will not be willing to impose an order on that basis.

Even if he did report this to the police the worst that would happen is that they would give you a harassment warning to stop contacting him and on these facts they would probably give one to him as well. Of course, he won't give them correct facts but there is likely to be enough information to prove that he's been having contact with you by consent.

Just don't have any contact with him and there will be no case against you.

Can I clarify anything for you?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you so much for responding.


Yes absolutely, I accept that I have done and said things I regret - in messages, online etc - but I know I have behaved in the way in which he has driven me to behave. I have never in my life experienced anything like this before. He on the other hand, was arrested last May for assaulting the woman he was cheating on me with. He obviously says she was lying, and she says he punched her and held a cushion over her face. I saw her bruises. I have an email from her which she sent whilst waiting for the police to arrive where she told me what he did - sent from his phone which she took when she ran out of his house. She eventually did not press charges and she told me this was because she couldn't face what he would put her through. Would this stay on record anywhere even if it was dropped?


The thing that worries me is his accusation that I was 'inciting violence' online. He has endless screenshots of my admittedly childish and attention seeking comments and has since told me he knows that's all they were and that he was in no danger from me. Is there absolutely no way he will be able to reopen anything against me? He tells me he will now prosecute and that I will 'receive a six month custodial sentence.' He also knows my father is an ex-policeman and holds this over me too, saying 'How would it look...etc.' When he first made contact with me again last October, it took 14 emails and a letter before I even replied.


Also should I speak to the police about this anyway just to ensure he has been warned against contacting me again? I feel that he will not give up this easily and I can't bear the thought that I will be out and see him and he will approach me - there are a couple of events I know we will both be at separately.



Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi - would it be possible just to have a final reply to my previous message as I am unsure as to what I should do re police etc?

And I would just like things clarified re his accusations of 'inciting violence.'



Thank you.

The allegation that was unproven will not be revealed on his CRB checking other than enhanced and it is unlikely that he will need that.

It is not impossible that he could made an allegation against you as indeed there was harassment but all that would happen is that the police would give you an harassment warning.

No, do not speak to the police. The onus is upon them to find you. Just move on from this and do not have any contact with him or indeed with anybody else who uses the police as a mediation service.
Jo C. and other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Ok. Thanks very much for your help and advice.



No problem and all the best.

Remember that I am always available to help with your questions. Even if I am in Court I will usually pick up a question within 12 hours. For future information, please start your question with ‘For Jo C’. You can also bookmark my profile
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Jo


Thank you, I will do.


I just hope he will let this be an end to things!


Thanks again



If you dont make contact with him then it wil be the end of the matter.

Of course, if you continue with him then it wil go on forever.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Yes, I hope so... He's left me unable to see anything rationally but I will absolutely not be contacting him again.


Thanks again.

no problem.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Jo


Would it be possible to just ask you one more thing about this? (Sorry.)


I have made no contact with this person since Wednesday when I repeatedly told him to leave me alone. He has started contacting me again via instant message this evening and because I am ignoring him he is calling me 'ignorant' and has said he will come to my home tomorrow. I'm not going to engage with him at all in these messages, but his threats to come to my home really bother me. Yesterday I paid any outstanding money into his account and I've already posted everything he wanted back to him - so he has absolutely no reason to contact me again.


I really don't want to have to do something about it, I just want it to end, but surely it is not ok for him to keep doing this?





Well, it just tends to suggest he isn't serious about wanting to be left alone.

Just ignore him.