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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34887
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Hi there, I am getting married in several months time, I have

Customer Question

Hi there,
I am getting married in several months time, I have two children from my ex, ( we were not married ), my special needs 15 year old violent son has been housed with his father, before this I let them use my home, ( I am the sole tenant in a housing association ) which means I had to sleep on people's floors and stay in a travelodge with my daughter, just turned eleven for long periods of time over the last several years when my son was home from residential school or refused to return to them, several times. I have not really been in a relationship with my ex for about eight years although I allowed him to stay in my home for periods of time when he had nowhere else to go. Now I am getting married he is threatening mediation and court action because he is angry I am getting married. His relationship with our daughter has been very patchy but then the two children are not allowed under the same roof for any length of time, this was decided in court and I supported it, due to his condition and accompanied violent behaviour. My ex says I have humiliated him and broken his family and he now wants to know every detail about my husband to be. I have said I am not moving anywhere and that he can see out daughter whenever he likes, although she does regard him as a stranger. He is about to recieve all related benefits for our son. I am not asking him for money or applying for PR for my husband to be, I am just getting married. My son has decided a year ago not to see me and will attack me as before if I try.
Am I required to go to mediation or court and is my ex entitled to any information about my fiancée. I have told him the person I am going to marry is a Londoner and lives in London, has a job and doesn't have a criminal record and that I wish he could feel less animosity and that he can see our daughter whenever he likes. He is asking a lot of personal questions, wants to know exactly when I am getting married, the name of the person, how long I have known him etc. Am I obliged to give him any more information. He is very litigation minded and is good at taking people to court and it seems he intends to cause as much damage to my life as he possibly can because he feels so angry.
Please can you tell me my rights, I am not asking him for any money , I don't want to fight over anything. Also do I owe him money now that my son has been living with his father since September. I feel frightened by the hostility my ex feels towards me and I know he suffers from depression and other issues although he would deny it.
Please could you tell me my postion ?
Many thanks, Avrina
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
What contact has he had with his daughter in the last six months and what is he asking for?

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi Clare,
The father last saw our daughter last May and then it was my son's school break, because he refused to return to school we were therefore unable to return home, access our belongings and my daughter could not play her harp etc. I had to write a letter of eviction to force the local authority to re-house my ex with our son, my ex requested that my mother write this letter on my befall infact as we have been stuck like this for long periods over the last three years, every time my son's next school breaks down.
There was a ten day window last December where my ex requested to see both of us with a choice of two dates with very little notice and I felt that I wasn't ready to see him at this point, we had already made other arrangements and my daughter wanted to stick to that. My son had started a new school but after ten days, the new school broke down and so now he is with his father again full time. Of course I had no idea that the school would break down so quickly. My ex contacted mediation about a month ago but I told him that he can see his daughter whenever he likes although she does feel reticent as he has been so inconsistent in the past and they have never developed much of a bond.
He has not asked to see her again although he is able to leave our son for an hour or two here and there and so he probably could see her if he would like. She has her own email and he doesn't email or ever phone to speak. In the past he used to disappear without warning leaving me with both the children many times and was uncontactable. Now he says I have broken his family irrevocably and it is the final humiliation, he is very angry and says he is going back to mediation and or court. He wants to know personal details about the forthcoming marriage and is talking about overnight stays for his daughter but is is not relevant whilst he has our son. He wants to know the name of the man I am marrying, when, how long I've known him and he is looking to use anything to build some sort of case against me purely out of fury that I am getting married. He will never let this go, he has taken many people to court and is extremely good at building a case, it is his special obsession and he is very good at it.
I need to know what my rights are, my daughter's rights and how much I have to tell him apart from what I have already expressed. I am asking for nothing and I am not blocking contact but I am afraid because he is a bully and will try to fight me on anything he can because he is so very angry. I don't want to fight over anything but I do want to protect myself against any vindictiveness.
Please could you let me know what my basic position is in all of this ?
Many thanks again,
Sincerely, Avrina
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
It is reasonable for him to wish to know the name of the man you will be marrying and who will be living with his daughter
There is no reason not to give it.
So far as mediation is concerned it is hard to see what he might be requesting since you have already said that there can be contact provided it can be arranged safely
At 11 your daughter's wishes are likely to determine the actual extent of contact
Accordingly give him his name and then simply say that he is free to take whatever action he wishes and leave it at that
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details