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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 71040
Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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Hey Im a little worried me and my now ex girlfriend came back

Customer Question

Hey I'm a little worried me and my now ex girlfriend came back from a night out to my apartment which I live with my friends. My friends didn't say hi as they didn't like the way she treated me. She didn't like that and I said, just leave it we can speak in the morning. She wouldn't let it go so she went downstairs had a argument. Then she wanted to leave but I had her phone she asked for it but I said no because I wanted to speak to her, calm her down and tell her why my mates are upset. I grabbed her hands to calm her down and also picked her up to moved her away so I could speak to her alone. I spoke to her quite nastily on parts as it wound me up because we had such a good night before this. She is now threatening to get the police and her dad has told my mum if I lay a hand on her he will kill me. I never once intended to hurt her apparently I pinned her against the wall which did not happen. What do I do? I've told her why I did those things and she has just ignored my message.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Jo C. replied 3 years ago.

Thank you for your question. My name is Jo and I will try to help with this.

I'm not sure what you were hoping to achieve? Obviously there is no way of preventing her from reporting this.

Her father is mad to get involved in this. She will be making allegations against him in due course.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I wanted to make peace with her and her family because I don't think I deserve be branded somebody I'm not. My actions we're to try and calm her down and talk before she left. We we're both drunk and i should of let her go but I cared for her and didn't want her going home upset.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 3 years ago.
No, I really wouldn't get involved in that. Just leave this alone.

This young lady is a vexatious accuser. You will find a very informative article upon that complex here

If the facts are as you say then normal women who haven't made a life of being a victim would have just ignored it.

This young lady, however, likes to make the most of every grievance which is why she is making threats to report this to the police and has obviously embellished the whole incident when she has spoken to her father - who, for that matter, should know better than to listen to a word she says. Unfortunately though men are generally socialised to protect women and its hard for them to see that the person who is ostensibly the victim is, in fact, a drama queen.

Whatever you say to her it is quite unlikely she is going to agree. You cannot convert an unreasonable person into a reasonable one with words.

If you do make contact with her then you expose yourself to the allegation that you are harassing her and she will then wind up her father even more.

If she does go to the police then you will have to deal with it. Do not accept the caution they will offer you. If you are saying that you grabbed her hands for a legitimate reason and your friends will confirm that was the only violence then you will not be charged.

Just ignore her stupid childish attention seeking and find yourself a sensible girlfriend who doesn't report trivia to the police.

Can I clarify anything for you?