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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 35076
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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I parted with my childs father 2 years ago. Our son is 6 years

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I parted with my child's father 2 years ago. Our son is 6 years old and does not like visiting his dad. Tonight I have sent him hysterical on holiday with his dad, he begged me not to send him. We ended up having an argument in this situation am I allowed to not send him.
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
Do you know what has provoked this?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
He has always been bad at leaving me, I think there are a couple of things.
1. I have been working from home for the past year and I think he knows that I am always here so doesn't like leaving me at home.
2. His dad had a new girlfriend from soon after we split and I ask him not to introduce her early on as felt that my son had enough change in his life we left our family home, we moved in with my mum, my mum was ill with breast cancer and he started school. And then his dad didn't have a stable home until 5 weeks ago, in the past 2 years he has stayed at 4 different addresses.
And then in March his dad told him that he was having a baby and since then things have been worse.
On a Wednesday when he collects after school he never wants to go and then on a weekend when he collects him from tennis I have to leave the tennis before it finishes so that he will go with his dad. He face times the night he stays at his dad and sometimes he cries but not all the time. It is the overnight that causes a problem
Is there any problem with handover when you are not present?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Yes. When my son is in his own house he doesn't want to go. And just says I miss you mummy. When he is with his dad he says he is fine it was taking about 30 minutes to calm down now is about 10 minutes.
I think it is he just wants to spend his time with me. He has only just turned 6.
Could he collect him from school on school days?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
No he works so he collects him from the house now, he used to collect him from school but his job changed so timings don't work
From what you have said it is not that your son does not wish to see his father - it is just that he hates leaving you.
This is not a criticism - you and he clearly have a close and loving relationship - but since it is not possible for you to simply stop contact I am afraid it does mean that you have to find a way of coping with his separation anxiety.
There has been a great deal of change in his life (again not your fault) and no settled pattern has been created
I am afraid that I have no easy answer for that - but it is not for you alone to deal with.
As a starting point you should try and discuss matters with your ex using Family mediation - so that you have support in explaining that it is not any ones fault
You should also ask if there are any local support services that could work with your son - Barnardos or Action for Children some times have local schemes - or the school may have access to a service
I am sorry - I wish I had a clear answer for you
Please ask if you need further details
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Do you think I should suggest to his dad to let our son see a child phycologist to see how this is all effecting him. The only stability in his life has been his time in our family home. I am worried that he will hate me in years to come for falsing him to go to his dad. When can a child decide for themselves
Hi Sarah
No he will not hate you as he actually wants to go - he is just worried about you and hates being away from you - that is a very different thing
It need not be a child psychologist - more of a support worker to give reassurance
Clare and other Law Specialists are ready to help you