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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 35054
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Hi, my partner and I are splitting up we are not married but

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Hi, my partner and I are splitting up we are not married but have 2 boys aged 3 and 5. We live in Essex where I am from and have a nice 4 bed house. She has left me and sleeping in spare bedroom and wants to move boys up to Newcastle (300 miles away) at half term. Obviously I do not want this to happen but feel I am powerless to stop it. I am in 2 minds about going for custody as its simply a case of she doesn't like it here..has had enough of me and wants to go home! however this would prevent me from working easily however would manage with help from grandparents. I have said she should at least wait until term is over as it will be so disruptive for boys but she is not having I have any rights in law to stop her as I feel it will really unsettle them not to mention moving them into a 2 bed flat.
Thank you for your question.
My name is ***** *****
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
Why does she wish to make this move - and are you named on the birth certificates?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi Clare,
She has always wanted to move back to Newcastle and I was prepared to once in a position to. However now she wants to leave me and take boys, she doesnt love me anymore and we have grown apart (since she started work fulltime as a store manager which is very time consuming and stressful). I have adjusted my hours at work in order to look after boys so for the past 10 months I have looked after them a lot more than her. She seems to have something against where we live at present which I do not understand and she has just stopped talking to me. Her family are no good and being no help as I believe she has lost it mentally. The boys had a lovely settled life here with my parents (who are the best parents, her mother has admitted she was a terrible mother and isnt a much better grandmother)routinely looking after them. I have supported her for 5 years down here and she has not paid a bill or mortgage and we even had to borrow x amount of money of my parents to buy house due to drop in market (lost money on my flat I had previously before we met). I sorted out her settlement from her ex husband which was agreed with my parents verbally that this would go back to them once we got it and they have told me to hold it in my account since we got it so I could lend to my siblings if needed. She has now said she wants this back and I have told her it isnt her money and she has said she will take me for every penny if I dont give it to her. Not only this she is expecting to live of benefits (housing allowance etc) however didnt realise you cant have a certain amount in savings etc to claim any benefits to which she said she would put in someone elses account hence commiting benefit fraud.
Sorry I know you didnt ask that and not sure what you advise on in terms of what she would be entiltled to as the house is in my name as well as mortgage (as she couldnt be on it due to being tied up with ex on mortgage). What she has threatened would ruin me financially if it happened and I fear the boys have no futire up there as it is.
Yes I am on the birth certificates and have had full life with the boys since birth. I do everything with them as she does not drive and cannot easily get them places, since she has started work she does even less and has completely changed and I have asked to get some help and for us to have counciling but she refuses. She just buys them lots of stuff now to compensate I believe as she comes home everyday with new things for them...hardly a healthy upbringing!
We are now at the point where it started to get spiteful as above but I am not saying anymore to her. She plans to move boys at half term and has spoken to schools without consulting me and decided thats where they are going and has looked at flats. I think part of the rush is there is a flat near one of her friends and she wants to secure that as well as the horrible atmosphere she has created. I have said for her to go and I will look after boys but she just thinks that is ridiculous!
Anyway sorry for the long winded muddled reply..I am at end of long nightshift at work.
Could you explain a little more about the Settlement she received from her ex?
How much is your current home worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage?
How has the care of the children been divided between you in the last six months?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

She actually received 25k which technically wasnt a settlement as it was out of court. This was to buy her ex time so he could remortgage to remove her from it as he got rejected due to poor credit rating etc so he didnt have to sell marital home. She will be due to receive true settle in around 12 months now which could be about the same again.

Of this 25k we have paid off some debts so there is approx 18k left. There is still 3k on a credit card 0% from both of us.

The house is worth around 250k without being finished as a lot of work needs doing. Mortgage is approx 163k. The amount borrowed from parents was 31k.

I would say it has been 70/30 in my favour over last 6 months. I have boys on all my days off which I get 3 days a week and I am generally there in mornings or school pick up due to shifts. She has been away on a lot of her very few weekends off back to Newcastle etc and working 12 hour shifts 7 to 7 is a regular occurance basically not seeing boys at all.



Whose debts were paid off?
was any of her money used on the house?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

They were joint debts mainly for stuff on house such as new windows...carpets etc. But only in my name. She has only actually paid around 1k towards any work on house. The arrangement when she started working was she would pay for work out of her salary and food bills however that stopped a while back. I did actually pay off her own personal debts around 5 years ago when she moved in with me having our first was around 2k from memory.

FYI there is no declaration of trust on house.

How much would a cheaper two bedroom property in your area cost?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

There are 2 bedroom properties on market fo185k at the moment

There are two issues here.
It is clear that you have shared the care of your children and on that basis you could apply to the court for a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent your ex moving back to Newcastle with the children - until the Court has considered whether or not the move is in the best interests of the children.
Such an Order can be obtained very swiftly - but before you do it would be sensible yo try and discuss matters with your ex using Family mediation
With regard to the money unless you wish her to make a Claim on the house then you do need to return the settlement monies to her
I hope that this is of some assistance - please ask if you need further details
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thanks. What was the relevance to the 2 bed property price? I cannot give her back full amount as it's been used to pay of the joint debt...does this mean I would have to pay remaining back in the future? what claim would she have just against the money she put in ie 25k?

I was considering whether there was any realistic chance of you being forced to sell the house to provide money for an alternative property for her to live in with the children until they are 18The money could easily give her a 50% claim against the equity.
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