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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34910
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My step son has been having anger problems since his mum up

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My step son has been having anger problems since his mum up and left his step dad (long story) and his dad stopped picking him up on Fridays and changed it to Saturday mornibgs. Step son decided he wanted to move in with bio dad siting various reasons. School been telling him fine too without talking to us, they've been letting him cut classes without telling us, and first we heard of it was when school contacted bio dad cause step down said they could. We told him no to moving now but said when 16 and agreed between the adults to monitor him and see how he dealt with it all. School then tells bio dad about the cutting classes and that'd called social services to "protect their backs". We arranged a meeting and was basically told only option for step son to move. Couple months on and step son calmed down. Wants to move but only reason as he wants more time with bio dad. Bio dad does not bother seeing him outside his weekends even though have always offered. He works days and most evenings and has let step son down repeatedly. The 3 days over Christmas he had him he went on a date. Other last weekend step son went he changed pick up yo Saturday morning and then was going to go clubbing but his mate let him down. The quality time they have he plans stuff without him and just drops it on him rather than preparing him for it. Step son doesn't like to upset bio parents so doesn't like to say anything.
His sister lives withus and already has abandonment issues due to bio mum and we feel step son going to live with his bio dad would add to these as she is already having anger issues too. Step sons school does not think she should be a factor in deciding where step son lives as she lives with her bio dad and easier fir her. Yet we feels going to destroy her and also de estate our other 3 kids that live with us all because his bio parents don't make the effort wit him and are messing him up.
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
Will the move involve a change of schools?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Yes. We live in West Sussex and step sons bio dad lives in Aldershot, 50 miles away. The school has told my step son, then us, that he is fine to move schools as in year 8 and they can create duel registration so that if he changes his mind and moves back he'll still have a place at his present school.
I am afraid that the needs of your step daughter are not relevant to the question of where your stepson should live
I appreciate that this seems harsh but sadly it is a legal fact.
At the moment it appears that the "grass is greener" as it always is - and actually it seems that the school suspect that it will not work out.
That being the case i might in fact be better to let him have a trial sooner rather than later
You have not said what support this troubled young man is being offered - but you should ask if Camhs would have something to offer to ensure that he has a safe place to explore his feelings
Please ask if you need further details
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
He was seeing the counsellor at school when it all started but told us he didn't really like the counsellor so we got him counselling sessions with relate (relateen) but although still angry and moody at home he decided a couple of weeks ago he wanted to stop going so isn't going any more.
Trial next half term might be the way to go. We have the worry of his bio dad as he works full time day wise and then most evenings. Also, at the moment I'm dropping step son off to him Fridays as he decided easier Saturday mornings due to traffic and wanting to do his housework on the Friday. We worry there'll be issues dropping off and picking up from us and his mum ( the contact order states we drop off to his mum and pick up, and that his dad drop off and pick up to us). One worry is step son will go to bio dad but contact will become less with us and mum. Also step sons mum and dad don't communicate, it all goes through us, and when they do have to communicate it doesn't go well
What I am going to say will sound harsh - but your stepson does have to understand that his choice brings consequences
One consequence is that his biological parents will have to organise the mother's contact between themselves
With regard to your contact with the boy then i suggest you simply say that you will collect for the start of contact and his biological father can collect - and stick to it even if his father lets him down - it is not YOUR responsibility to return him
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