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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34895
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Can someone help me with family law?I am going

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Hi Can someone help me with family law? I am going through a turmoil time with my ex partner and child access arrangements. I am at my wits end and am now struggling to get through each day without it being on my mind and rendering me stressed and emotional drained. I have always tried to work with my ex partner to come to an arrangement with our child. In the beginning he denied her existence but through my persistence he eventually bonded with hour child and started acting like a devoted father. It is only recently that we have fallen out due to many reason namely that we never clearly established boundaries between us (were we in a relationship or not) and this has set us on a battle to amicably set access arrangements for our child. I have always tried my best to work with him on the premise that we build up access over time for the child's benefit. We have now gradually increased access to weekend access (friday to Sunday) and Wednesday mealtime visit. The child is 3.5 yrs old. Now the issue. For a long time, my ex has frequently argued at me in front of the child, accusing me of various things: that i am teaching our child bad things about the father, that i am teaching our child r to call him names, that i am teaching our child that he wanted to have child aborted... the list goes on. He is also accusing me that i am deliberatley preventing him from nursery information (our child has only started nursery) and going forward i will prevent him from school reports, school plays, meetings etc, and that i will use pressure on our child to sway hour child's upbringing. I believe that this is his strategy to increase overnight access (Sunday overnight, and Wednesday overnight) with our child. He said he wants little communication with me and that he will move closer to me to get more involved with our child's schooling and therefore removing relying on me information and no longer having to communicate with me. I feel he is using the lies and accusations so he can get his overnight access. I have always work really hard with him to arrange suitable access with our child and i feel i am being vindicated for his selfish gains. He is not doing this for our child's benefit. 1. If he made a court contact order to increase overnight access when he moves closer to me, will he get it? Will the court increase his overnight access if he moves closer 2. How do i manage the constant stream of accusations. I fear this could / will turn serious.

Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
Have you given your ex full details of the Nursery?
Does he collect the child from nursery on Friday's?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Yes, i gave him nursery details.
He doesnt collect from nursery as he doesnt finish work on time on Fridays.
He either collects from me or family.
have you sent him details of the primary schools that you are considering for her?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


No, communication broke down when i asked him to engage with me to discuss primary schools. He refused citing various reasons. I told him application start date, when to have a decision by and submission date. He never came back to me with details so i went ahead believing he didnt care and since the submission date he has not ever asked what school choices have been made and when I'll receive an answer. He has since accused me of doing all this behind his back but i refuted this with proof of emails and text asking him to be involved.

I was advised by friends and family to avoid further confrontation and accusations that i should converse with him as if im making a business arrangement. Inform him of situation and by when i need a response. He he responds then continue discussion in same manner. If he doesn't respond. ive done my bit and continue on my own, tracking any evidence for refuting accusations.

I will inform him of school choice when i know in few months time.

You have very sensible friends.
You have done everything correctly so do not need to be spending your days worrying.
The first step is to try and minimise your exposure to your ex.
If other people can handle the handover that would be good; keep a phone number for him alone (sim only in an old phone) and an email address that is also for him only.
In writing say that you will only respond to messages left on these numbers/addresses and that any contact by any other means will be reported to the police as harassment.
Also say that you will not respond to any messages not directly related to the ongoing care of the child.
Create a Contact book which can go with the child when she goes to see him and ensure that copies of nursery letters, a selection of paintings and any relevant information goes into the book.
Do NOT rise to his allegations and accusations.
IF he moves closer he MAY get extra contact - but not if he continues to behave in this way
Please ask if you need further details
Clare and other Law Specialists are ready to help you