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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 35047
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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When my ex husband and I got divorced we had a child visitation

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Hi. When my ex husband and I got divorced we had a child visitation arrangement set up at the time of sorting out the divorce that our son would visit him twice a week and every other weekend. Since then he has moved, gotten married and divorced, and now lives three or so hours away. At the time he was looking for work after his second divorce he told me that he wanted me to travel to the area that he was living in or meet up but I told him that any long distance travelling, any travelling, for that matter wasn't an option. He then decided to find a job closer to his son but in the end he had to take a job three hours away. I told him that I wasn't happy and wanted mediation but he refused. He has refused mediation, via an organisation, or through friends, continuously. Occasionally I have given in to his badgering and travelled about thirty minutes to pick my son up. Twice I have travelled further. He sees his son about twice or three times a month. He finds the travelling tiring and constantly demands that I travel to meet him. I do not get regular monetary support from him. He gives as he feels. Sometimes if he is in a good mood I can joke him into giving me some money but mostly I leave it. Too stressful. I manage fine. But his demands that I meet him at a designated spot has increased. I have ignored his messages and try not to respond in a confrontational manner. He is angry and has told me that he will only see his son once a month unless I will travel. He has now escalated this to the point where he told me yesterday that if I do not meet him this Saturday he will drop my son off on the pavement and leave him there. He has told my son that if I do not meet him in a designated spot then he will only be able to see him once a month. He is discussing the situation with my son. My son is 7. He is bright but not mature enough to handle this. I try to not involve my son and only briefly told him recently that I will not be meeting his dad at the specific spot despite his dad's ultimatum. Needless to say, without consent to mediation, and frankly, without any real means to pay for it, I need to know what are my rights. Does the original court order stand? My ex husband is a bully. I do not resist meeting him at a designated spot as a deliberate act to create problems. He has no ability to understand that giving in to his demands without any mediation or communication is too stressful for me.
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first
May I ask why you have not applied to the CMS for maintenance?
May I ask why you are not able to travel?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi. When my husband and I got divorced we had a huge amount of debt. Mostly his fault. We agreed that he'd take on the debt and I took the smaller credit card. I knew he didn't have much money and due to the stress of dealing with him I didn't pursue it. I have tried to maintain a level of cordiality with him because having may dealing with hi causes me a huge amount of stress. So going to CMS felt like I'd be touching a hornets nest with no protection. I live a quiet life with almost no debt so have manged but I am inclined now to start considering pursuing this. With regard to travelling, I am a nervous driver and don't have the financial resources to pay for the wear and tear on a 11 year old car and only use it around town and for short journeys. I do think I might sound selfish but in reality my ex husband was aware and is aware of my feelings on the matter of travel. The issue is not the travelling it is the expectation unasked for. My ex hasn't been prepared to mediate, rather he has demanded and threatened and generally made my life miserable. I take care of my son, clothe, feed and pay for his swimming lessons and spend time with him helping him with home work. We spend time together in worship and recreation. My husband has made no attempt to find work closer to his son. He is a highly capable and intelligent man and does not struggle to find employment in his field. My apologies for all this information! Hopefully you can do something with it. Thanks.
Does your son actually enjoy his time with his father?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


Thinking about the actual journey - is there any part of it that you would be willing to do - even if it is only 15 miles or so?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I would - only if my ex was willing to sit down with me and a mediator so that we can set out the terms of visitation etc for the next year or so.

That is perfectly reasonable - and answers what I need to know which is that you are flexible within limits.
Is it likely that he will abandon the child in this way?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

No - I don't think so - I think he is speaking out of anger, but it is a worry. In this case I am telling him that my friends will be picking my son up on this one occasion. I will have a discussion with my son on the phone that his aunt and uncle will be there to pick him up so that he is aware too and not confused.

Am I right in the following:

The original statement of arrangements still stand?

That he has parental authority?

That if I were to stop my husband from seeing his child until he agrees to mediation that he could apply to the court for a Contact Order?

That the court would want us to attend mediation if a Contact Order was requested by my ex?

Can I make a condition at he never sends me threatening/unkind emails iro his son and myself or my extended family and friends?

I wish to write a letter (not an email or a text) but an actual letter to his home address outlining my requests for mediation and contact - if he still refuses can I legally prohibit him from contact until he changes his mind? Considering that I have to face another ten years of this, is this a reasonable request?


Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi.. You didn't reply to my last query. Is there any other information you need? Thanks.
My apologies for the delay
You have understood many thing correctly - but the Statement of Arrangements is in fact just a snapshot of the position at the time it was completed - it is not a binding document in any way.
The law says that a child is entitled to have contact with both parents and parents are expected wherever possible to agree those arrangements - with the courts only intervening if no sensible agreement can be reached.
The way forward is to state the place to which you are prepared to travel to collect your son and say that that is where you expect the handover to take place, and stick to it. Say calmly that if he is not willing to agree to that then he will have to bring your son home.
If he does not do so (it has happened )and you have to collect the child from his chosen spot THEN it would be reasonable to say there will be no further contact until matters have been resolved
Unfortunately you cannot make any but you can say that any communications designed to upset or distress you or anyone else then it will be reported to the police
At the same time you should make an appointment to attend a Mediation Information and Appointment meeting - he will be invited to attend one as well - then you will have all the necessary evidence that you have tried to resolve the issue amicably
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare and other Law Specialists are ready to help you