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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 35069
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Please can you advise me.My daughter is separating from her

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Please can you advise me. My daughter is separating from her husband and the situation has become so difficult that she needs to leave the family home as the behaviour of her husband has become too difficult. He refuses to move out of the family home and at this moment will not consider selling. We have found her a small flat that we could rent in the area enabling them to share childcare etc. Would she be giving up any of her legal rights to her share of her home or any other effects there may be on eventually coming to some final end of the marriage. Any advice much appreciated.

Please be aware that it is impossible for her to continue living in the property with him and we have had one occassion where he has pushed her out of the house with her little girl and locked the door at 23.00.

You probably need to know that she did have a problem with alcohol linked to the relationship and undertook an inpatient rehab programme and has been clean since last october despite all the domestic issues. She continues to attend the centre on a weekly basis for ongoing support.

Anxious Mum

Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How much is the house worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage?
When was the incident when he pushed her and the child out of the house?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
The house would be worth around £225,000 and there would still be an outstanding mortgage of approx £180,000.
The incident occurred last week. However since then the pressure on both of them has been high and yesterday he refused to allow her to come to us with the children for the weekend. This resulted in her having her first drink in several months. In total since rehab over 9 months ago she has had 3 individual lapses. He continues to drink in the house in front of her and his nature changes after alcohol.
We had no option but to bring her home last night as he had locked her out and when I called I was told that if she did not leave with her father who was collecting her he would call the police. As you can imagine she regrets her action and is devastated that she will not have the children this week end.
They were planning to go on holiday next week but after much arguing he does not want her to go and she has agreed to this. It gives us a weeks breathing space and time for some cooling off. However the situation will be exactly the same when she returns.
There is blame on both sides and Sarah knows she has done wrong in the past resulting in her resorting to alcohol and it will be her weakness at times of high stress.
What she would like is space and some form of separation agreement to see if given time they could share the children amicably but her overriding fear is losing her children. At her worst she was always able to care for the children during the day until just days before she went into rehab.
Apologies for this long ramble, but as you can see I am at a loss as apparent as to how to support her through this to gain as good asn outcome for all. Janet
How old are the children?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
5 year old girl and 3 year old boy
Has the father always shared the care of the children with your daughter?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes they have lived a s a married couple for 7 years this August and heave shared the care of the children. Sarah has done the majority of nursery drops, school drops etc but this is because he is a policeman doing shift work.
Has he threatened to keep the children from her?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes this has been a constant. If yo leave me you will not have the children as you are not a fit person. She has been constantly told to get out of the house, it's his house ( not true) it is in both their names. He is constantly pushing her to the edge to make her resource to alcohol which would be her weakness. Practically he pays the mortgage but she pays all childcare and some household expenses.
Terrible row on Friday on her return from work (he is off work since she confirmed she wants to separate, with stress) he harasses her and then refused for her father and her to bring the children and her to us at the week end as she had had a drink. My husband was driving. He locked them out of the house and said if they did not leave immediately he would call the police. This is the second time in two weeks she has not had access to the house.
She was beside herself on Friday and looked really ill. Probably weighs les than 7 stone now and struggling to keep going. She continues her part time job at the hospital and has good support from her manager and colleagues who are aware of some of the situation.
He brought the children to her on Saturday afternoon and allowed them to stay as it was at our house. He brought his mother with him and Sarah and him went for a walk as he wanted to talk to her alone. On return some 15 min later we checked if all was OK. Sarah said that it was an ultimatum and either she stopped all of this and made a go of the marriage or she would not have access to the children. His mother was shocked and said that this was not the case and earlier in the day Jim had agreed with her that it would be 50: 50 sharing the children.
He is taking the children away for the next 5 days. Sarah has said she will not go as it will give her the opportunity to start to sort out what she does as she cannot continue to live with him and the constant arguments this causes. Not verbalised it give him a taste of caring for two small children who are starting to show the signs of living in an unstable home on top of their usual needs.
Moving out to secure accommodation will not mean that your daughter will lose her claim on the property - although it may make it more difficult to force him to leave or sell the property before the youngest child is 18 IF there is full shared care of the children (which could be difficult given his shift pattern)
However the benefit that she will gain from having a safe haven is more than worth the risk
Shared care will be a problem unless your daughter can stay off alcohol altogether
She should offer to discuss matters with him using Family mediation
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare and other Law Specialists are ready to help you