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ukfamilysolicitor, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 1437
Experience:  Qualified Solicitor Currently specialising in Family. Also experienced in Corporate, Employment, Civil Litigation, Debt Recovery
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My ex partner and I have a child together. He's on the birth

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My ex partner and I have a child together. He's on the birth certificate so has parental responsibility but he picks and chooses which of his rights/responsibilities he wants. For example he wants to see our son regularly & take him on holiday but he doesn't see why he should contribute financially towards his upbringing... he wants to choose his schools in the future & come to doctors appointments but he doesn't want to support me returning to work by having our son on one of his days off (he just says "I might have plans so you can't just rely on me to be there at your beck and call"). Recently I've started a new relationship and as I knew this person previously he's now accusing me of cheating and demanding for proof that our son is his and not my new partners!! I've said I'm more than happy for him to have a DNA test done as I already know the result as I've never cheated and pointed out that him trying to spread that around is in fact slander. He's been sending me messages for the last 24 hours demanding I confess and saying he wont drop it till "you're big enough to admit it". What can I do about this behavior as I know when I drop my son off he's just going to kick off again as he knows I can't just ignore him. I'm at the point where I get anxious, stressed and feel sick the days I have to see him because - while some weeks are ok - others are truly horrible.
Welcome to Just Answer
I am a Solicitor and will assist you.
I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you are suffering with your ex.
Can I ask a few questions?
- how old is your child?
- how does the father your child? Any risk factors?
- will anyone else help with handover?
- have you applied for child maintenance?
Kind Regards
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He's 10 months. Most of the time the handovers are in the early afternoon so most people I know arn't avaliable due to work. I could probably take someone for collection the days he's just having him for afternoons...
I haven't applied for maintenance as yet due to my ex's temper which is what causes the anxiety the days (& sometime's nights before) I have to see him.
- has he threatened you?
- been violent to you previous?
- how does he treat your son?
Kind Regards
Ps I'm just about to go into a meeting so it will take me a short while to respond
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No he hasn't threatened me or been violent to me. I left him due to emotional & financial abuse but no physical.
He seems to treat our son well. From what I've seen anyway...
Thank you for confirming that for me.
I will have a full response for you with advise in approx 30 mins
Kind Regards
My sincere apologies for my delay in responding to you today. The meeting was a much longer one than I had anticipated. I thank you for your patience.
I am sorry to hear about the approach being taken by your ex partner in respect of your child.
It is the position of the court that a child has a right to have a relationship with both of their parents unless there are safeguaridng reasons why this should not happen.
Whilst the law seeks to promote the childs relationships with both of the child's parents - the law simply has no remit in making the father a better dad. Whilst courts can make Child Arrangement Orders - which detail when a child with spend time woth both of their parents (if the parents can't agree) the court cannot force a parent to be more responsible, 'pull thier weight' or even turn up to spend time with the child at all if one parent does not want too.
I appreciate that this doesnt help you in respect of the times that you need help from the father.
I am concerned to read that the father is now denying he is the biological father - all because you have a new partner. This is somewhat a narrow minded and selfish approach by the father.
I am also concerned to read that whilst the father has not been physically violent towards you, and you do not think that he would harm your child, you do make reference to the father's temper and this is obvioulsy a cause of worry for you. If the father was verbally aggressive to you in front of your son - then this is still likley to distress your son even though your son is still so young. If this continues this will likley affect your sons emotional wellbeing.
I therefore consider that you need to keep a close eye on matters. If the father does continue to act aggresively towards you in front of your son then you may wish yo give consideration to being supervised.
You should not be frightened of making a referral to the Child Maintenance Service. The father should be making payments towards his son.
If the Father also wants to dispute paternity then the child mainteance service will be able to assist as the father can pay for a test to establish if he is the father.
If matters escalate then I suggest that you consider reporting the father behaviour to the police. The father should not think it is acceptable to treat you in such a manner. If the father does ever threaten you and the police dont take action to protect you then you can contact a family solicitor so that they can talk through with you the possibility of obtaining a fsamily injunction, known as a Non Molestation Order to prevent the father from threatening you.
As things stand at the moment - if you can ask someone to assist in respect of the handovers - then this will take some of the control away from the father and he will not be able to verbally abuse you.
It is a good idea to consider referring your matter to Family Mediation. Family mediation will try and help you both talk through the issue and come up with a plan that works. If mediation is unsuccesful then an application could be made to court for a child arrangement order, but as stated previoulsy this isnt going to be much use in respect of making the father a better dad.
In your circumstances it may well be that you are able to qualify for legal aid and thus having a solicitor to help you. Legal aid was withdrawn but it is still available when domestic violence evidence can be obtained and oyu also qualify on means. See the link below and in particular the GP letter. Book an appointment with your GP and explain the difficulties that you are experiencing with your ex. If your GP is satsified that you are suffering with a condition such as stress as a result of your ex's behaviour and they complete the letter for you - take the letter to a legal aid solicitor so that they can also assess your means.
If you qualify on means then a solicitor will be able to write to your ex with your proposals and they will also be able to make a referral to mediation for you. If proceedings for a child arrnagement order are applied for at court then you will be represented. They will also be able to help wit a non molestation order if that becomes necessary.
Please do not hesitate ot ask if I can clarify anything for you.
Kind Regards
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