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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 35058
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My 85 yr. old father owns his house, has CPOD which means he

Customer Question

My 85 yr. old father owns his house, has CPOD which means he gets out of breath very easily. His 58 yr. old son also lives in the house; a functioning alcoholic who receives a carer's allowance for the few chores he performs - bins, some cooking and washing up, and minor activities my father can no longer perform.
The son is housing a 60 yr. old much less functional alcoholic woman in his bedroom, completely against my father's wishes. She has been there now for four months. I was first aware of this just before Christmas and immediately contacted social services. They expressed concern, rang all parties involved, wrote a report, but had no remedy. She is in effect homeless, but recently went to stay with her father only 6 miles away. I thought the situation was thereby resolved. However, 3 days later she had returned, let in again by my brother, because she "didn't want to stay" with her father who she feels criticizes her. This made me realize she a) actually had a choice to live somewhere else and b) would rather make my father suffer than put up with her own father. My brother, the carer, is drinking more heavily as he can't deal with the split loyalties she has forced on him, and, while feeling bad, is unable to act. As is my aged father.
I realize a restraining order can only be issued in cases of violence or harassment and in connection with a criminal case, none of which have directly happened, but my father is undoubtedly harassed by the situation. He is unable to force her to leave because of his physical weakness and reluctance to engage with the her, as her circuitous, repetitive slurred, mostly nonsensical speech disturbs him.
Are there any other legal grounds on which he can get this woman out of his house permanently, that his son would also have to comply with?
Thank you for your time.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
HiThank you for your question.My name is ***** ***** do my best to help you but I need some further information firstCan your brother be persuaded NOT to let her in again?Does your brother have anywhere esle to go
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
1) Can your brother be persuaded NOT to let her in again?
I thought I had done this. When the woman demonstrates her `helplessness´ or claims how hard it is for her to e.g. live with her father, it activates a `hero to the rescue´ illusion in him, which overrides his care responsibilities to his father. He believes he can juggle the two, caring for both, but is in denial of the upset this causes my father, I think, as a result of the alcohol, which this denial also perpetuates.
2) Does your brother have anywhere else to go?
No. He moved into our parents' home when his wife ejected him 3 years ago (because of his drinking), since when our mother died.
While he is kind of functional, the situation he has caused indicates his dubious state of mind (and an increasingly acute need for institutionalization/drying out/psycho-therapy for him to be able to confront the harm he is doing to our father. His denial of this is what allows him to believe he can maintain the situation).
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
As the owner of the house your father can insisit that she leaves and call the police if she does notEqually he can obtain an Order barring her from thr propertyHowever the problem you face is that any order you obtain will fail at the point that your brother invites her into the house - if he does that then the court will not punish her for accepting the invitation.It may be that a combined approach could work - but you may need to be personally present for it to workYour father (well you on his behalf) needs to write a letter giving her seven days to leave his property informing her that at the end of this period if she returns to the house he will call the police.You may need to arrange to be there at the end of the seven days in order to call the police if need be.It is to be hoped that your brother will understand the serious implictaions of such actions - if npt then sadly the current arrangement for your father's care may need to be reconsidered.Please ask if you need further detailsClare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your reply.
That my father "can obtain an order barring her from the property" is of particular interest.
So I just want to ask how this is obtained. and whether it is conditioned by presenting a copy of the 7 days' notice we would have given her.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
It would be a non molestation order - but I have grave reservations about whether or not the ocurts woudl grant it given the behaviour of your brother - which is why you should try the 7 day notice first