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Harris, Law Specialist
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 2851
Experience:  Family Law - Specialist in Divorce, Financial Relief and Children Matters
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My husband and i have been together years he has had

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my husband and i have been together for 28 years he has had an affair and is living in a rented house close to me. We had been going to counselling which i found to be very helpful but he never declared the affair and was never committed to working things out
we are very wealthy . I am living in one of our homes with our three teenage sons 19,17,15 . he is demanding that he can come round and take what ever he wants from the home, he has no personal belongings here and there is nothing of value in the contents but it does have all our financial paperwork here. We have always had one bank account and joint assets in the majority of our assets . I have asked him to tell me what he wants and we can see if we agree . in the case of documents I have told him I can copy or give him ant any originals he wants . I think that is reasonable but he says it is not . He is insisting that he comes to the house when nobody is at home. he has rented a place that I have no access to we have three homes in addition to his rental . Can I change the locks to the home i am living in with my sons , the property is jointly owned .
Hi, thanks for your question.
Legally, unless there is a court order in place preventing him from returning to the property you cannot change the locks as he is still entitled to live there.
What re the financial documents that you still hold for him? If they are his you should not be taking copies and should provide him with the originals. He will then have no reason to want to come to the home.
Given that there are assets and finances to deal with, are you pursuing a divorce? As part of the divorce there will have to be a financial settlement in order to finalise both your positions. You will both need to provide full and frank financial disclosure of your respective assets, debts and liabilities as well as income positions and your needs and the children's needs.
The most amicable way to pursue this would initially be through a mediator (you can find local mediators here: If a settlement is reached through the mediator then this can be referred to separate solicitors for a formal consent order to be prepared and submitted to court for approval.
Please let me know if you have any further questions regarding this.
Harris and other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
We have 3 homes and a piece of land with two lakes . the one I live in is where we house all our documentation. all our properties are in joint names he has some investments in his name for tax purposes and I have some shares in my name for tax purposes . We have been together foe 28 years and only ever had one bank account until recently when he set his own account up to fund his relationship with his girlfriend . We started life together with nothing , I was the main financial earner for years and funded his education as a barrister . I have offered to give him anything he wants from the home i am living in today bur he refuse to tell me why he needs access and what he wants . I have no access to the home he has rented which contains joint possessions . what are my options ?
Thanks for the further information. As part of the financial negotiations, as stated, all assets will need to be disclosed, together with contributions, values and liabilities against them. The court will look at the following criteria when deciding whether an agreement is fair for all, or when making an order:
1. The income, earning capacity, property and other financial resources which each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future, including in the case of earning capacity any increase in that capacity which it would in the opinion of the court be reasonable to expect a party to the marriage to take steps to acquire;
2. The financial needs, obligations and responsibilities which each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future;
3. The standard of living enjoyed by the family before the breakdown of the marriage;
4. The age of each party to the marriage and the duration of the marriage;
5. Any physical or mental disability of either of the parties to the marriage;
6. The contributions which each of the parties has made or is likely in the foreseeable future to make to the welfare of the family, including any contribution by looking after the home or caring for the family;
7. The conduct of each of the parties, if that conduct is such that it would in the opinion of the court be inequitable to disregard it;
8. In the case of proceedings for divorce or nullity of marriage, the value to each of the parties to the marriage of any benefit which, by reason of the dissolution or annulment of the marriage, that party will lose the chance of acquiring.
In the negotiations, you should ensure that initially your needs and the children's needs are met from the assets and income, then his needs. All other assets should be then divided in terms of contributions and a fair split should be identified based on this and the length of the marriage. The starting point for the court would be a 50-50 split of all assets, however this may not be appropriate given you state that your contributions have been high.