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Harris, Law Specialist
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 2851
Experience:  Family Law - Specialist in Divorce, Financial Relief and Children Matters
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I applied divorce in January. My husband was avoiding

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I applied for a divorce in January. My husband was avoiding the petition. I contacted the court 4 times now. He keeps saying he had nothing. Since I told him about the petition he makes things very difficult. I reported him ones already for domestic violence (emotionally) now he is trying to punish me and stich me up! by calling police reporting even that he hacked my facebook account, that I have stolen curtains from my house!
Calling social services that I neglect my daughter and threaten to abduct her back to Poland! They are all lies as at the begging we had agreement! 2 weeks ago he begged me to come back to him and also said if I have sex with him, he will be nice to me.
Tomorrow I am going to a court to make occupation order against him. Today I have received child arrangement order and many lies and also divorce petition that he wants to divorce me immediately! He also ticked all boxes for financial order.
I have solicitor but she isnt available today. I find it so unfair because I am bullying and threaten by him and his paretns. My family is Poland and I keep leaving house few times a week as I am scared of him this is getting more serious and other day he pushed me under neck while grabbing my daughter or another day when he lost control wanted to bite me in my face. He has criminal record 10 years ago for fights. He can break things when he gets angry. He broke my daughters teli in her room while she was watching then bought another one next day.
He wants my daughter for full custody (i was always the maid carer) He cant take her daily to school or pick up, he works 1,5h away from school - his mum does it all.
I work 5 min away from school, I am able to pick her up daily and take to school.
I work full time but I worked all my life round her.
He wants to keep the house (joint mortgage) and make me to pay maintenance, and all other payments possible. We earn almost the same.
I do not know how to come out of this and is the court going to believe me and see what actually is he doing?
I have also contacted women aid and had risk assessment that came out high.
His mother shouted at my face that she is going to make my life hell
and all this only becasue I want to divorce him.
I agreed for everything - no child maintenance, he could have my daughter 3 nights a week, and even more from the sale of property! just to make this go quick and smooth.
Please help I am in desperate situation :(
Hi, thank you for your question. As you already have Solicitors representing you I would not want to go over their head, but based on what you have said you have grounds for a non-molestation order against him and his mother for their actions as well as an occupation order for you and your daughter to remain in the former matrimonial home. The court will likely first wish to make a decision regarding the child arrangement order application but you should at least have interim protection from being removed from the property as you still are the child's main carer. Based on his situation alone, he cannot care for the child on a daily basis and the court will see this.The court will allocate a CAFCASS officer in relation to the child arrangement order application who will interview both of you, and possibly the child depending on her age - how old is she?Please also confirm who lives in the former matrimonial home, and what other assets you both have as well as how long you have been married.
Harris and other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
HelloMy daughter is 6 years old. Since she was born of course I was on maternity leave. We have been together and lived together for 10 years. We moved in to a flat in 2007. he put the deposit down 25k. I had a law paid job but I was paying ''rent'' £300 a month plus some food shopping. I could not afford any more. He never had to pay for my flights to Poland or any of my needs. Before I got pregnant I took another job just to earn extra around 2k towards nappies, bottles, clothes, bed, pram etc so everything was ready. In 2009 our daughter was born and I was on maternity leave. All that money was spend on food and her cloths etc. When my money stopped I was without any penny. He was not giving me any, I always had to remind him that we need food shopping, I have never even asked to give some towards my needs. When I asked that maybe if he gives me some weekly for food that I can orgonise it. The answer was no, I dont have any. So I was almost made to find a job.
When I did of course I had to find childcare that I paid for. If she was ill or had doctors appointment I was the one who had to take day off work. Slowly I started to earn more I was paying towards bills. I still was the one who was buying anything she needed. I made sure for her preschool applications. 5 years later I was told he wants to sell the flat and we had to move to his parents. It definitely wasn't a good idea. With a difficulties of finding new home we stayed there for 2 years.
During that time I had so much stress with Lillys school application and I had no help weather from my husband or his mum. And she worked at school! For me it was all new and just about to learn how it all works. His mum use to see Lilly ones a week for few hours. At one time she was picking her up from school 3 times a week and she required payment for this.
2013 May we had our wedding that I paid for! plus our honeymoon and he was keeping his savings towards the new house. Also I was never able to have his card or use the account as he was saying in joking way that I may withdrawn the money and run away! He always keept things separate. I paid for this you paid for this so this is mine this is yours that I absolutely hated. When came to half terms and summer holidays of course I was always the one to make any arrangements. I paid for all tickets when my daughter was going away to Poland for summer holiday, paid after-school clubs, stage coach activities, ballet anything she wanted to do. Organised her bday party. He never did anything. Bed times, he never got up, hardly any put to bed, no baths only if I told him. Im not even saying that he can not even cook a proper meal. I also forgot to mention he never asked how I get to airport until the day before my travel when we had no car. Than if his mum was doing the run they used to drop me at drop of point with 4 moths old baby, pram and 2 big pieces of language because otherwise they would have to pay for car park.
When we lived in their house, they were controlling my spending's... my life... how to look after my child...
I should mention that they have 4 bedrooms
in 2015 January we finally bought a house and I was hoping for a new start. All house matters with solicitors and agency I was dealing with. He was made redundant so for 2 months I was paying all bills but he put his redundancy pay towards the house renovation. All the job in a house did my dad free of charge of course. After all these everything went terrible.
My husband was and is a game addict.
At the begging we had agreement. Lilly half times, no child maintenance, he could take 60% from deposit and any profit 50/50
He started his bad behavior since than... First he told my daughter that I probably have another man (no i didnt!)
he kept saying things to her that child would not make up. Than he started with treats. He will take my daughter, He will take the house, he will change the locks, kick me on the street and doesnt care what will happen to me.
I have all his incidents written in my diary with dates. I spoke to CAB how difficult he is making the process avoiding divorce papers and threatening me financially that he will make me pay a lot of money for this divorce, threats with prison, criminal record, loose my job.
CAB adviced called women's aid and report domestic violence I have ID and they looking for refuge space. I have also called police for that in December.
Every day was even worse. He called police that I have punched him. and said to Lilly to approve it. Nothing like this happened as my dad was in the house at the same time.
He kept calling social services that I neglect my daughter because I didnt take her to doctor coz she had veruca on her foot
week ago he was angry he wanted to bite me.
Can he apply for a divorce if I already applied? Do I answer to his solicitor to that? Will the solicitor even know I already did it?
He put many lies in those 2 applications Could he not tell the solicitor?
Thanks for the further information. He is entitled to file for divorce himself, although you should inform his solicitors that a petition has already been issued and provide them with a copy of it. You will have an opportunity to respond to the application and allegations in the form of a statement.In relation to the assets, you can make an application to court for financial relief. You will both need to provide each other with full and frank financial disclosure, to include at least 12 months bank statements and disclosure of all assets, income and liability. The court's starting point will be a 50-50 split of all assets. Given that you are the main carer of the child, the court will likely depart from a 50-50 split of the assets as your needs will be higher. The court will take into account all the facts of the case and the following criteria when reaching a decision regarding the finances:1. The income, earning capacity, property and other financial resources which each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future, including in the case of earning capacity any increase in that capacity which it would in the opinion of the court be reasonable to expect a party to the marriage to take steps to acquire;2. The financial needs, obligations and responsibilities which each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future;3. The standard of living enjoyed by the family before the breakdown of the marriage;4. The age of each party to the marriage and the duration of the marriage;5. Any physical or mental disability of either of the parties to the marriage;6. The contributions which each of the parties has made or is likely in the foreseeable future to make to the welfare of the family, including any contribution by looking after the home or caring for the family;7. The conduct of each of the parties, if that conduct is such that it would in the opinion of the court be inequitable to disregard it;8. In the case of proceedings for divorce or nullity of marriage, the value to each of the parties to the marriage of any benefit which, by reason of the dissolution or annulment of the marriage, that party will lose the chance of acquiring.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
HiThank you for your advice. To be honest I do not really care If I get more I just want to be sure he is not taking my daughter away from me.
I have sent e-mail to his solicitor about the divorce petition. When I get the petition from the court should I defense it? and explain why on the statement? is that what you mean?
and tomorrow I am filling the occupation order. I have all facts written down with dates and what is the next process? I am staying at my friends house at the moment as to be honest I am scared of how he will react. what is the chance they will refuse this?
In relation to the occupation order, the details and reasons for the application need to be put in the form of a statement to accompany your application (which is made under form FL401). To ensure that you succeed with this application you need to state in the statement the reasons of why it is necessary for you and your daughter to be in the property and to exclude him from the property - the domestic violence, harassment and abuse will support this. In relation to the divorce, I would not suggest you defend this. Defending a divorce is done in the event that you do not consider the marriage is broken down. It is unnecessary for him to apply for a divorce as you have already done this, and his solicitors may very well advise him of this once you inform them that a petition has been issued already.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok, I have occupation order and non molestation order for my husband filled in by solicitor. And I am writing a statement.
I also have 3 witness that could sign or write to confirm his behavior. What exactly do they need to do?
I have some pictures as well of most of the staff hidden under bed like mugs, toilet paper, kitchen appliance so I can not touch this. And pictures of empty boxes of my gym supplements that he has thrown away.
When I finish writing the statement, is it included in this service for you to have a quick look at this?
Now for his mum I guess I need to do the same? Do I first apply to a court than serve a copy to his mum? Well my friend would.
In the application for a non-molestation order you can include both him and his mother as respondent's and one application and one statement will be enough as long as you outline the incidents with her as well. In relation to the witnesses, you should initially just refer to this in your statement and if he applies to discharge the non-molestation order then you can request for witness statements to be filed by the third parties. Unfortunately, I will not be able to check your statement for you as part of this service, in any event you have confirmed that your solicitor will be doing this for you and they will ensure that all the grounds for obtaining the order are covered in the statement, namely that you need to be protected from harm due to his and his mother's behaviour.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Sorry I forgot to ask also he doesnt not allow me to have friends in the house as he says only family. My dad lives in Poland and he said he can come but can not stay for a night. I would like some family support during this now. I am allowed to have my dad in my house for the night right? I can not afford to pay for a hotel!
If you are living there alone with your daughter, and if an occupation order is granted, he will have no say in who is allowed at the property.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
what if he still will be in the house?
The occupation order will remove him from the house and given that you are the main carer and have nowhere else to live, you have good prospects of this being granted.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
HelloI returned from the court and non-molestation order has been issued and occupation order hearing will be held next Tue at 2pm.
I guess the non-molestation order will not make any advantage to him when I show this to Caffcass?
And also hopefully the occupation order will be issued too.
Ones he will be removed what shall I do next? Shall I make any application? Will I be able to decide if I want to sell the property or hold on to it? I am still covered with your service?Thank you
Hi, thanks for the further update and I am glad the non-molestation order was granted. This will assist you in the child arrangement issue as can be used to show you have sought protection from harm and this will be disclosed to the CAFCASS officer. If the occupation order is granted this will be confirmation that you are allowed to live there and he is not. This does not entitle you to sell the property. In order to deal with assets and finances you will need to submit a Form A (application for financial relief) which is dealt with as part of the divorce.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I had no e-mail back from my husband's solicitor about mu divorce file. I said that I have requested a copy from the court to be sent to them as I do not have one.
What shall I do? And what if my e-mail will be ignored and they still file the petition?
You should continue chasing it. If you have evidence that he has received it, such as mentioning the divorce petition or sending you a message about it, you can prepare a statement detailing this and make an application for deemed service so that you can proceed to apply for decree nisi.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No, I do not have evidence that he had it. Only I have a D9H from court that the matter has been issued on the same day as copy for him. He picked up the post on that day. I have e-mails to the court that asking for personal service than risk assessment was sent. Ones again he picked up the post as I moved temporary for 2 weeks. I also have last e-mail that the court has resend the application on Thursday. I also sent e-mail to court and asked to send a copy to his solicitor. I have just messaged him if he received it. I can guess he will say no. His solicitor will send his petition on Friday. Do you think If I call the court and ask for personal service I will be quicker than him?
Personal service by a bailiff may take a week to deal with as you need to apply for it. I would suggest that you send a further copy to his solicitors and request that they acknowledge receipt.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I spoke to the court yesterday and the only way to do this was to send e-mail that it takes up to 5 days for them to have a look and then they will post the copy. i even wanted to get private investigator to pick up the papers from the court. Unfortunately this was not possible. So I have sent e-mail called as urgent matter and asked them to send copy to his solicitors and copy to my work address. I will also check tonight if I received anything at home before he will back from work. The non-molestation order will be served on him tonight as well. What if I receive his application from the court?
They said most likely my application will be dealt with but what response should I give?
Thanks for the further information. If a process server is serving him with the non-molestation order, you can also provide the process server a copy of the issued divorce petition to serve. Once personal service has been effected you can provide the process server's statement to the court as proof of service.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
In financial order for nature of application what boxes should tick? I dont want any pensions as he doesn't have one.
I would suggest you tick all of them in case you need to pursue them later. I was under the impression that your divorce petition was already issued by the court?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes, My divorce petition was issued and I have case number. I don't have a copy of it! I spoke to court 4 times about sending copies to him every time he keeps saying that he hasn't got it that I don't believe
But I have the letter from them what day it was issued and with case number.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Would that be enough to send it to his solicitor as a proof?
I see, thanks. No, you will need to have the issued petition itself to serve on him. You should request that the court sends you both copies and you can arrange for a process server to personally serve him as well as for you to send a copy to his solicitors.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
yes, I have sent e-mail to the court as urgent matter to send a copy to me and to his solicitors.
Ones I will receive it I have private investigator that I have already contacted and we arranged that he will deliver it to him within 24h
Thank you - hopefully it gets sent out to you by the court soon
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
HelloI have received now proof that non-molestation order has been served.
He has a hearing on Tuesday for occupation order.
What is the court going to ask him? Or what explanation would he have to give for him not to be removed?
I looked at this and I know they take 3 test that he falls under all of them.
Domestic violence, he has parents and family he could live with and behavior.
I would like just to know what chances there are that he will stay.
There are two tests that you as the applicant will need to provide. The first is the balance of harm test, basically you need to prove that you and your child will suffer harm if he is not excluded from the property and the second test is the following criteria: (a) the housing needs and housing resources of each of the parties and of any relevant child; (b) the financial resources of each of the parties; (c) the likely effect of any order, or of any decision by the court not to exercise its powers under subsection (3), on the health, safety or well-being of the parties and of any relevant child; and (d) the conduct of the parties in relation to each other and otherwise. So if you are able to demonstrate that him being excluded will protect you and your daughter, and that he will be able to survive independently out of the home and you and your child will not, then you have good prospects.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I am just filling in acknowledgment and nr 7 question asks for domestic violence. What should I do? All the abuse was towards myself while Lilly was listening. Should I tick yes and include the non-molestation order with my witness statement?
question 8 - Do I intend to apply t he court for an order?
About my statement. How should I begging and what should I include for the best of my interest?
I will answer what he has put as concerns, He lied that I have threatened him to abduct from the country. This is not true. I have never said this. First of all I would not do this to my daughter not to see her father. I dont want to go back to my country. I studied accountancy and payroll and that is what I do at work, I study UK Tax Law, I have my friends and here only my family stayed in Poland and Ive been in UK for 10 years now. Is this going to be enough for them to believe me?
He says that I neglect her and he was concerned about my emotional bahaviour. I dont know what he meant maybe that I looked upset? But then all the violence from his side no body could keep smiling? I was distress and could not focus 100% - I didnt take her to dentist because her still milk tooth snapped a bit. how serious are they going to take this?
One time I was not feeling well laying on the sofa while Lilly played on a carpet. On his Rirder he says I was asleep!
He says that I suffer personal crisis! and I have threatened to kill him! 4 moths ago I told him that I wish he would disappear from my life. I never told him that I will kill him. Also said that I miss Lilly meals which I cant believe how could he do that. I always cook fresh healthy meals. Fresh and healthy meals are priority for me. I am healthy eater myself. He is the one who eats and feeds her with Mc Donalds, chips and frozen chicken nuggets, pizza every time she stays with him or mostly with his mum. I ask her every time as this really worries me that when I hear again she had pizza for dinner at nuns.
How strong his application is? On my statement should I include his behavior prior to divorce? and that why I think he can not look after her on daily basis as he is relaying on his mum?
Is there anything you could advice that I should do?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Also I have just seen that in his application he put that we lived under this address for more then 5 years.
This is a lie. We lived there for 1 year, 2 years at his parents house and 5 years in a flat. I dont know if that makes any difference if I point that out?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i have just found this as i wantsd to clean our hoover. this was in a tube! i am not sure but does it look like a letter from a court?? he has picked up and distroyed?
What is the acknowledgement form for? Has the court directed for you to prepare a statement now? If not you cannot put in a statement unless the court directs it - if there is no direction you can ask for it at the next hearing in order to respond fully to his allegations.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes there is a form acknolegment and there is question if i oppose the application, i have received CA1 its says that i threatened with abduction, didnt not attend to a dentist on one occasion, that i do not feed her and that I left her over night with 15 year old and that was asleep on sofa while she was playing.
On page 8 of the C1A there is a section where you can respond to the allegations raised and submit that to court for the time being.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Occupation order hearing is tomorrow. I wash just thinkig. Do I need to attened as well?
Yes, do attend.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I have just received a letter from his solicitor and they are stiching me up. He said that all i said is untrue. that i have only done this becasue he applied for Lillys custody, when we had arguments at the beggining thriugh messages he printed it all he was provoking me so this is his evidance. What do I do...
his solicitor says that he is the one who is abused. if that was the case why he didnt say it while applying for child custody??
I dont know what to do...
If you are both making allegations against each other and no statements have yet been filed, the court will make directions for statements from both of you and any third parties you wish to put forward. The matter will then be listed for both of you to give evidence, and the judge will make a decision based on whose version of events is more believable based on the balance of probabilities.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
what do you mean by statements not filed? He has received my statement and the court has seen my statement. non molestation order has been issued. with a copy of statement
Will I be allowed to talk? or answer on allegations he answered and lied about?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I would like to say that if he experienced domestic violene why he didnt fill it in a form with allegation for Lillys custody,
he also lied that we have been in a property over 5 years. didnt admit we lived in his parents house,
he said he has no where to stay and i can live with my friend. my friend has 3 children and she sleep in living room. i cannot live there.
what is the worst that can happen?
i also have have messages to him asking to stop behaive this way and trying find solution. should i use it?
Apologies for the delay, if the hearing was listed for a contested hearing and the court has given it sufficient time then you both would have had to give oral evidence in the presence of the judge and be questioned by each other's representatives.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
The hearing was a nightmare. I was not allowed to talk or provide more evidence. I was not allowed to attached any answers to all the lies that he had on his statement. What happened was that they tried to show that he is the one abused. Of course he denied most of my allegation and he used some messages sent between us that were old from November. He also used information he had when he hacked my facebook account but of course didnt admit how he got it.
There will be final hearing. The judge applied order for both of us for the time being. Then I spoke to his barista that was really nasty to me at the begging until i burst in tears. We had a talk and I said I have all prove that he is not telling the truth and making false applications etc. After that suddenly she asked why we come to agreement and sell the house immediately.
That was the idea in the first place. So she spoke to them for a while and they agreed to put it on a market next Tuesday.
We agreed sharing Lilly as well.
I am wondering how comes that they changed their mind? Was it that I could prove and had evidence? I dont know. I am happy with the house going for sale.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
HelloAs The hearing is not until after 17th May, our house is on a market and he does even more to stitch me up I have deiced to move out. My moving date is 25th April. Do I have to give him any notice?
Of course I will pay the mortgage but I understand I am not liable for the other bills.
I think you should inform him that you are moving out, and if the other bills are in your name then you should cancel them.