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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34885
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My mother passed away recently - my father is in a care home

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My mother passed away recently - my father is in a care home with social paying the costs - he has about 3 more weeks of social contributions - my father is unable to make important decisions - I am the eldest son I have younger sister - my sister lives 5 minutes down the road I live about 80 miles away - about 12 months ago my dad felt that he was not able to deal with the bills etc. so he asked my sister to pay the cash bills from his bank account - majority are taken by D/D
Neither my my sister or I are POA - I am very confident there are wills as years ago mum and told us there are wills - when they drew up funeral plans with Coop - I have no access to those wills -
I believe that she has them - she is not being very helpful with this matter - I am not positive who is the wills executor - soon important decisions will need to be made - my sister is not being very cooperative I was wondering how we can move forward ?

Thank you for your question

My name is ***** ***** I am sorry for your loss

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further details first

Who dealt with the funeral arrangements?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The Coop - funeral plan - I was invited to attend the meeting with the F/D when at the meeting I was given a copy of my parents plans - Cheryl stood in as the
" Client " - mum died aged 84 and dad now aged 85 - I am 63 my sister Caroline aged 58 - my sister has a daughter cheryl aged 34 - mum and dad were the only occupiers of their home - I live in Dorset.
Up to the time mum died Caroline, when not at work would do bits and pieces for mum & dad - Caroline has access to mum and dad's house but dad put all of his paperwork in a locked bureau in the front sitting room - I have a key to the house but not the front sitting room where dad kept his important documents . Mum AND Dad have spent quite a bit of time in and out of hospital and nursing homes - my mum's health deteriated over the last few years and her care needs was a lot greater than dads - social got very involved with mums
condition - when she was at home she had carers visit mum 4 times a day. I have bit my tongue over the last 18 mths not wanting to upset my sister because she living closer to mum and dad and would pop into see them more often than me - I drive to London practically everyday and I am self employed - working for a chauffeur
agency - my wife and I own our home - my wife works in a care home in Bournemouth
My dad went into his present care home about 5 weeks ago - he recently broke his hip and he struggles to get around -
it seems very unlikely that he will go home - that leaves the option of staying in the care home or ( I have talked to dad about moving in with us at dorset ) unfortunately
he is not able to make any rational decisions - I have tried to talk to Caroline -
about various matters and when we talk about the subject of the wills she becomes very evasive and closes the conversation -
I have been invited to a sit around a family
table to discuss our concerns between
us as I have text and told her that she is hiding something - I sent her a text and said that I am not interested in a family
squabble - so on Thursday this week I
text Caroline and said that any issues we need to be discussed we will text each other and in turn ask a question the other
would answer truthfully with an admission to return a truthful answer - that offer has
at this moment not returned a response
Sorry I did not put more in my first message but I needed to use my phone
also I got tangled up with PayPal over your 7 day free offer - which I think would be of benefit in the circumstances thank you

Does your father still have mental capacity?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
To be honest I would say he does not have mental capacity - even before mum passed away dad was not capable to understand what was going on - if you asked him a question or talked about things which thought maybe he would know he would reply " I dont know" - furthermore I have text evidences and have tried for so long to trip my sister up and her daughter and I think I may have the evidence that with some of the information we covered earlier - to do with the texting - I would be very happy to pass those messages to you - of my conversation with Cheryl - and which I think would be a very strong case against my sister and Cheryl eg. Cheryl text me to say after a visit to see dad - that my dad was lonely and grieving and he was
feeling suicidal !! which was a response to a text to cheryl I had been to seen dad - and chatted with him about going home - staying in the care home and -- liiving with us - believe me he was not in a frame of mind of being suicidal - I ( not cheryl or Caroline had any inclination to tell the home of their fears )
I spoke to the home and asked how dad was - she said he is sitting on his own and was obviously grieving but ok - I told the supervisor on shift about the message from cheryl concerning dad " feeling suicidal " the supervisor on that shift said " we should of been informed of that and she said" I will
put that in the office records and notify the staff to keep an eye on dad - mum and dad lived for each other - next year 2017 would of been their 65th wedding anniversary - it is my wife margaret and myself our 40th wedding anniversary next year - my sister and Cheryl another story - obviously my mum cannot speak for her self but ( my faithful
answer - mum really did not have much time for cheryl and her husband - ) there is so much more to my statement to you - sorry to leave at this point but I have a busy itinerary tomorrow - will pass more info to you at our next correspondence
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you

What is the extent of the Assets - an dhow many were in your mother's sole name?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hello Clare
Hoping I can put somethings in to perspective
Mums Assets -50% share in a Swindon Town House which mum and dad spent nearly 40yrs in - built about 1895 End Terrace - 2 bed - 2 reception - downstairs bathroom/ toilet - kitchen - in present state value ( builders joy ) about 80k - 90 k - at auction - !Mum and dad had savings with the P.O. and also probably a share in £ 3300 cash which I found when looking for the (Deeds/Wills/Funeral plans ) also
HALIFAX - ( which the house deeds are stored with ) also - other assets -I have by chance a Council - Revenue and Benefits statement for my Dad and Mum's savings dated 6th January 2016 - mum's SHARE of assets was £ 6175.58p - her Total Capital and
Property share of mum and dads savings .
calculated by the council
Other than that - mum had jewellery
rings etc.So -
Property £ 40.000Financial Assets £ 6.176Cash savings £ 1, 650Est. TOTAL £ 47,826Hopefully the above is helpful.
At the moment I still have not had a reply
from my my sister regarding - truthfully Q&A to sort out our concerns -Also another thing about all of this is that my sister
told me she was expecting in the wills to be the beneficiary of everything !
To be really honest I don't think for one minute that mum and dad would pass everything on to my sister and family.
Also, to be honest, I would be very upset to think that mum and dad left me and our side of the family without anything - as my mum used to say to me on the phone - you
( meaning me ) have a lovely family and mum never really had a good word for my sister and family.I will not cry if I don't get any inheritence - but I will cry for my mum and dadI have been on to dad's social workers team today but no return call - spoke to care home today when I visited dad and the staff member I spoke to about dad being suicidal said in her opinion dad was
not suicidal but obviously missing Mum.thank you for now - kind regards stephenFMum and

Which of those assets were held in your mother's sole name?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I would probably say none - joint names on bank / buildings society -
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
If that is helpful - my only other thoughts of mums belongings would be her jewellery - rings etc. £ 700
regards stephen

All the joint assets will have passed to your father outside of the Will, which means that it is unlikely that there would be any reason for the Will to go Probate - or indeed be acted upon at all unless it deals with the jewellery

It is possible that a specific question about that may elicit a better response

In terms of the way forward a round table meeting - possibly involving a Mediator - is likely to be a better way forward to air your concerns.

If you remain unhappy after that you may have to consider applying to be appointed as your father's Deputy so that you have control over the matter

Please ask if you need further details

Clare and 2 other Law Specialists are ready to help you