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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 35054
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My mother has dementia and is currently living in the family

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my mother has dementia and is currently living in the family home being 'cared' for by one of my sisters. My father was the main carer for my mum but he died on the 16th of May 2016. on more than one occasion i have visited my mum at home and the 'Carer' has not been there. My mum's home is dirty, they are leaving dirty dishes in the sink, take away wrappers and empty beer cans on the table and kitchen units, on my last visit my mum was being looked after by my sister's children who have babies of their own and were also in the house. my mum is being neglected as when she was talking and wanted them to listen, they were talking about facebook and snapchat as they also had a friend in the house with them. They also had the television on which upsets mum as she thinks everyone on the television is in her room and she never has liked crowds in her house.
The majority of my family have been told to stay away from the home which mum is not aware of but when i was there she was asking for some of them and saying she has not seen them for a while.
I want my mum to be in a home where she can be looked after by professionals in dementia care and her needs met and not for her to be living in squalor and be neglected.
I have attempted to contact her social worker, as have other members of the family, but although they have said she will arrange a best interest meeting, this has not happened and she is not answering any of our calls.
could you please let me know if there is anything i can do as i do not want to watch my mum suffer in her last years

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

Have you identified a possible home?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
we have identified a possible home which all family members and social worker are in agreement with, but my sister is adamant that she is able to take care of mum in the family home which she clearly is not.

Does anyone hold Power of Attorney for your mother's welfare?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am led to believe it is my sister who is also her registered carer

Have you actually checked here

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Does she hold power of attorney

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
she does but she is not mums next of kin as she is not the eldest family member

Actually "next of kin" simply means nearest blood relative - so all her children count equally there.

Is the Attorney for Financial matters only?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No she has power of attorney for her welfare

How often are you able to visit your mother?

And have you spoken to her doctor?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
but they do not want to get involved with family disputes so they are content with turning up to her appointment's no matter who takes her as they are interested in her general health not anything else. Mums social worker has been in touch with another sister (no the registered carer) and told her that mum looks well and my baby sister is fine so the social worker gas said she is happy to leave mum at the family home. I have tried to speak to the social workers team manager but they will not put me through to the team manager as u was told we were having a best interest meeting and it has now been discarded. It feels so wrong that I have to watch my mum go through so much neglect and distress and I am powerless to do anything.

How many siblings do you have?

Are the others (apart from the carer) as concerned as you are?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am able to visit my mother everyday for a week every fortnight, but the carer and her family are making it very uncomfortable for me to do this as it is not nice to watch my mum being distressed and ignored while they walk around my mums home as if they own it and are using all her utilities when she is not there.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have nine siblings, 6 other siblings are as concerned as i am, one is sitting on the fence, and the other one is supporting the carer sister.

Do your siblings also visit?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
not at the moment as the carer is making it too uncomfortable for them and has told them to stay away as they have had confrontations and some of my siblings are too angry and still too emotional after dads death to deal with watching mum being neglected.

Have you tried to arrange a meeting with the sister who is the carer?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
we have but she says she is too upset after the death of my dad and she feels everyone is pushing her into doing something she doesnt want to do, Mum's social worker told us that she would arrange a best interests meeting with herself and a representative from either side of the family, but now has changed her mind as she feel's the carer is fine and doing a good job. She has fallen out with the majority of the family so will not meet with any of them.

When was your father's funeral?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
my dad died on the 16th may 2016 and was buried on the 27th may 2016 obviously emotions were high and confused after his death, so the social worker informed us that she would hold a best interest meeting after the funeral, but now she has decided not to go ahead and that the carer sister is doing fine and mum looks well.
i have telephoned social services and they will not allow me to speak to her team manager and she will not answer any of our calls.

I do understand how difficult what I am about to say is.

This is a matter where you need to bide your time a little.

It is still very early days and as you have discovered Social Workers are predisposed to giving your sister the benefit of the doubt.

Instead you need to arrange a timetable of visits so that some one sees your mother every other day or so to keep an eye on her.

Do not comment on the circumstances in the house - but do discreetly photograph and relevant problems and keep a careful diary.

Assuming there is no dangerous deterioration in the mean time arrange a meeting with Social Service sin two months time and then review the diary with them and ask them to arrange the meeting that they promised and then reneged on.

I know that this is not what you wish to hear - but it is a realistic assessment of what might actually eventually achieve the result that you need

please ask if you need further details

Clare and other Law Specialists are ready to help you