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Harris, Law Specialist
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 2851
Experience:  Family Law - Specialist in Divorce, Financial Relief and Children Matters
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I live with my partner and he has a 4 year old child which

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I live with my partner Paul and he has a 4 year old child which lives with her mother. Since his ex partner has found out about me she has stopped him seeing his child, unless he signs a letter to confirm that the child will not be around me and also telling him unless he confirms my full name he cannot see his child. Is this allowed? She is making up stories it seems that the child is not safe around me- from her jealousy again how would this work and stand in court> I don't want to be dragged into anything at the same tome Paul cannot see his child unless he signs her letter of what she wants confirming my name and that I won't be around the child? It has been 4 months she has stopped him seeing child. Really hard situation.

Hi, thank you for your question. Just a bit more information required to fully assist you:

-How long have you been in a relationship with the father and are you cohabiting?

-What was the previous arrangement to see his daughter?

-Was there a court order in place regarding the arrangements?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
HiDo I get charged per question?I have been with the father for 1 year and we are cohabiting, although we do not want the ex partner knowing we live together as it's our privacy.Previous arrangement he would see daughter every weekend, staying one night.
No previous court order in place. He has applied for contact centre viewings. She has stated he cannot see his daughter unless he confirms my full name etc and that I'll never be near the daughter.

No, there is only one charge unless you opt for a premium service.

If the child is having contact with you or stays overnight and you are there, then the mother can reasonably request confirmation of this. However, if the father is requesting contact at a contact centre then the mother cannot reasonably restrict contact.

It is usual that there is some animosity between parents when the other enters into a new relationship and a court will not immediately agree that the child should see the new partner, especially if it is a new relationship and the child is young as this can be confusing and possibly unsettling for the child. However, if he demonstrates that it is a long-term and committed relationship with you then a court will unlikely restrict this unless there are child protection concerns. Furthermore, a court would want some form of gradual introduction between the child and a parents new partner to ease the process.

In the circumstances I would suggest that he makes a referral to an independent mediator (you can find local ones here: The mediator will assist them both in reaching an amicable agreement that is in the child's best interests. If mediation does not help, then he will be able to pursue an application to court under Form C100 together with a £215 court fee to the child's local family court for a child arrangement order and the court can make a decision regarding the matter. A CAFCASS officer (an independent court advisor) will be allocated and they will carry out background, police and social services checks on both parents and any partners/cohabitees - therefore your details will need to be disclosed to the CAFCASS officer in any event. For your information the Court will take into consideration the following when making a decision regarding the application:

1.The wishes and feelings of the child concerned
2. The child’s physical, emotional and educational needs
3. The likely effect on the child if circumstances changed as a result of the courts decision
4. The child’s age, sex, backgrounds and any other characteristics which will be relevant to the court’s decision
5. Any harm the child has suffered or may be at risk of suffering
6. Capability of the child’s parents (or any other person the courts find relevant) at meeting the child’s needs
7. The powers available to the court in the given proceedings

If you have any further questions regarding this please let me know. In the meantime if you found this information helpful please provide a positive rating using the stars at the top of this page. I will not be credited for answering your question without a positive rating. Thank you

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for that. The fact that she wants him to physically sign a letter regarding who I am etc is that permitted? I see it as blackmail as I am nothing to do with the child and have made it clear that when he does see the change I don't have to be around? If it does go to court can I remain anonymous and it's my privacy I do not want her-the mother to know my name who I am etc.Please note that he went to mediation and she did not show up. Therefore contact centre is the next stage.

The next stage after mediation would be court proceedings as outlined above.

If you are at the property when the child is there, then the mother will have a right to know who you are, however, if you are not there (and this can be agreed in an order) then your details are not necessary. It is only people who will be coming into contact with the child that need to be disclosed and background checks done on them.

In relation to the "agreement" she is requesting him to sign, again, if you are not seeing the child then he does not need to disclose your details and in any event, such agreement outside of a court order is not enforceable.

I hope this assists you. If you found this information helpful please provide a positive rating using the stars at the top of this page. I will not be credited for your question without a positive rating. Thank you.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
If i move out for example or say I don't live here will the court still need my name? For the purposes of contact centre am I right in saying that the contact centre won't need my name? As it will be him and him only going there to see the child?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Will there be any checks without my authority that I live here is there any way the court or her can get this if i don't live here?I will most certainly rate you full marks

If you are not living in the same property or having contact with the child then he does not need to disclose your details to the court and the CAFCASS officer can only do checks if your partner provides your details.

In relation to the contact centre, this is only to assist and facilitate contact between him and the child for arrangements that have been agreed between parents or ordered by the court - they have no involvement in investigating you.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks. Once he applies for the contact center is there anyway the mother can stop this or reject going there and also how long is the contact centre for? Is it months, years? What would happen if the mother didn't oblige to this or must she. Is this classed as a court order?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
If for example we can show that I do not live here. I'm not around the child, however we have a mortgage together on another property can the court or her find this out?
Can he also have the right to date people for example without the ex partner holding him to ransom using the child etc as In theory I could be someone he's dating. As long as I'm not living here for example then what more would they want? Do the court or anyone look into who lives here. I could change my addresses all tomorrow would that make things easier for him if it did go to court?

Firstly, the contact centre will not accept a referral unless there is an agreement for arrangements between the parents or if there is a court order - there is no point him approaching a contact centre if the arrangements are not in place as they cannot assist with this and he must therefore pursue a court application.

The court will only be concerned with people who live with him (if he has contact with the child at his home) or people that the child will come into contact with but he must not mislead the court and say that you are not living there, if you still are.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks I believe he applied for the court order. Do you know how long contact centre access can be for is it months years?

It depends on the circumstances of the case, however, if there are no child protection concerns then they should only be used for a minimum period of time (therefore weeks/months)

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
If he doesn't proceed further with court for example and just sticks with a contact centre will he be deemed as he didn't do enough as a father? My concern is if he doesn't pursue the full legal way via court could it go against him? He would rather it didn't go court and spend thousands. My point is if he just stays with contact centre and wait for the mother to be civil would it ever go against him in court for perhaps not doing enough the legal way?

It would not go against him if he pursued a voluntary agreement with the mother for contact at a contact centre. However, if he does not proceed to court, then he has no enforceable agreement even if things are agreed directly with the mother, therefore without a court order the mother can stop arrangements and he will need to pursue a court application to obtain an order.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks do you know how long the contact centre can be in place for
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He applied for the court order when she didn't show for mediation, therefore it was not a mutual decision with the mother for the contact center.

Contact centres can remain involved so long as parties or the court agree that it should be in place.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
for clarity the contact centre will not need to know of my details who I am etc, unless this gets to court is that right? Are the police able to give my details if requested by the mother?

Yes that is correct.

The police will not be involved unless there are criminal issues therefore I do not see how or why they would provide your details.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
If for example he signed her letter that no women will be around his daughter and even via email but the actually at at time it may fall that myself or another female is around his daughter legally can she do anything about that? Can she use that signed letter for example to get him in further trouble is it just completely unenforceable? Perhaps he would be better to write a letter to confirm that only will be around the daughter? And if that was breached could she do anything if he's breached her signed letter?

She can use the signed letter as basis to stop his contact arrangements and his only legal option would be to take the matter (or return it) to court.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I meant can she do anything legally to him if he signs the letter she wants or is it simply a fact that she can only stop him seeing his daughter as she has now.
Our concern is if he signs her letter can she do anything legally with that.

There is nothing legal she can do about it as it will not be an enforceable agreement

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
She has stated that he cannot see his daughter unless she confirms my full name in the signed letter she wants of no woman around the child. He is not willing to be held to ransom or confirm my name at all when I won't even see his daughter. Is there anything else we can do here apart from the contact centre other then him sign her letter? It's clear to see she won't budge with anything unless he confides my name. Thanks

As previously stated he should be pursuing a court application for a child arrangement order - if you are not having contact with the child then her demands will be seen as unreasonable by the court as it is not in his daughter's best interests.

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