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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 32086
Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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How do I go about finding out if my childrens allegations

Customer Question

How do I go about finding out if my childrens allegations towards their father of emotional and physical abuse is true?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further informtaion first

Could you explain a little more about the background please?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
My husband was a regular drinker while he was looking after the children while I was at work and my eldest son was not an easy child and right from the outset it was clear to me that alcohol stopped him from dealing with our son (who I believed was ADHD or similar right from the age of 2)
Things became so strained that in 2014 I would come home to stories from my son saying dad was unfair, swearing and was shouting at him aggressively. My husband always denied everything but my son would ask me to divorce him. My youngest son would say he was scared and I was caught in the middle.
One day we were all at home and my husband told my eldest off and was very loud and aggressive, shouting in his face and my son ran downstairs to grab the carving knife, crying and screaming and threatening to kill his dad. My youngest hid under his duvet, sobbing and I was just stunned!
We put my son into counciling and the day before his first appointment, his dad stopped drinking and treated him very nicely. It is my opinion that his dad was scared about what might be said and it turned my stomach!
In August I asked my husband to leave and on my sons birthday, Sept 22nd, he told me he had another woman. By Nov 26th they had told the boys about their relationship against my wishes and the boys spent Christmas round her families.
My sons anger escalated and I attended a ,Who's in charge? course in the beginning of this year. Life was strained and both boys school life started to be affected.
On April 28th, both boys came back from their dads house upset. Revelations from the eldest of an incident at home while dad was still living there, states that he was pinned on the bed so he couldn't move with a hand round his throat while dad shouted and spitting in his face and he didn't want to be treated like that anymore. My youngest cried and said he was scared when dad shouts at his brother and he doesn't know how to save him. I confronted my husband with the children and he apologised to my youngest after first denying everything. My eldest son refused to see him again until June 28th where there was another incident of shouting and again my eldest refuses to see his dad saying if he loved him, he wouldn't treat him this way. My husband has not tried to see him or even tried to call him..
.. my youngest continues to see his dad regularly as he is of an easy going nature, but my concern is that as he gets older and gets more of a voice that he will get treated with the same contempt.
I only have the facts that I have and yes it breaks my heart that the family is so divided.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

So in fact you know the children are telling the truth - what is it that you need to know about this?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Where do I stand legally if I'm concerned about the youngest child being in this environment? Can I impose restrictions such as access as long as no alcohol? Down the road if there is an issue with my youngest and his dad, would a judge look at me and say I knew what was going on so why didn't I do anything about it? My youngest wants to see him because his dad didn't hurt him.
I just want to know what the law would say about this situation and what I should legally do for the best.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

What contact does your youngest want to have - the same as now or less?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
same as now.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Are you happy that your youngest would tell you if he was unhappy and wished to change the arrangements?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He's more sensitive and much more of a people pleaser than the eldest. No i'm not certain.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.


So what exactly is the pattern of contact?