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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 71038
Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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A recently ex girlfriend (she ended it) has joined my social

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A recently ex girlfriend (she ended it) has joined my social groups and told me I shouldn't go to the social events she attends I refuse to do this and she says I have to give her certain amount of space other wise it's classed as stalking! At a recent social evening she was flirting with a man in front of me, this was provoking me as I have feelings for her, she knows this, I approached her and asked why are you doing this in front of me, she went straight to the DJ and asked for security to throw me out because I was going to hit her!! Totally untrue, I Said she shouldn't have joined my social group as this is my social life and my space and said go some where else I then walked away, I feel she is trying to push me out and everyone thinks she is lovely, from past experience she can be very nasty and devious I'm worried to the point of stress and anxiety about this and am On medication, if I was a violant stalker why has she put herself into my social groups in front of me?? Is there anything I can do to keep her away from me socially??

She has done it to goad you into acting against her so that she can report it to the police and get some attention. Perfectly normal. This is what most domestics amount to.

Are you making contact with her at these events?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
only the once when goaded, she had told me not to approach her

But you do?

Always or just sometimes?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It has happened once before 1 year ago she ended it very confusingly, she told me she loved me on a night out then the next day ended it saying she wanted to date other men then a few days later we met to talk it over, she said she wanted some space to be herself for a while,we could remain friends while she sorted herself out and would I wait for her, I said but you want to date other men? She replied I don't I need to be on my own, I agreed. Two days later whilst out with a friend I ce across her in a bar with a man, I lost my cool as she had deceived me I approached her and there was an argument she said she didn't want me, was trying to let me down gently she also called me a stalker! It was very heated and she had me thrown out. The next day I tried to apologise using text messages for my behaviour as it is out of character and I felt very badly about it, she would not accept it so I tried again the following day I did send quite a few messages and she was responding, negatively, she then sent two very offending messages and I stopped contacting her, approximately two months later she wrote to me apologising a very nice letter, wanting To apologise in person, we met and talked she wanted to try again I asked twice if she was sure she said yes so I agreed,
This time she joined my social group behind my back, I found out and questioned her why she didn't tell me, she became angry and said what's it got to do with you I didn't own her we weren't married! We had a small argument and then cooled off and had a relaxed evening, the next day she ended it saying she couldn't give me what I want and needed to be herself to sort herself out, to be alone and focus on herself, we could be friends but she would be dating other men.
I have seen her at two social events the first I kept my distance the second I did until I was wound up by her being chatted up and flirting in front of me across the room she got very friendly with one man dancing I approached as in my original question above.
She knows I have feelings for her yet she puts herself into my social circle not just joining one group but three of mine (she has joined others as well) she has messed me about for two and a half years and hasn't got the decency to stay away from me, I fear she is going to continually goad me I fear for my social membership and reputation I am a long standing member and I'm not prepared to give up my social life for her there are many other groups/places for her to go. The situation is making me ill stress, anxiety is there anything we can do to keep her away from me socially?

Ok. So do you make contact with her?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No I've only seen her at the socials stated above, I've had no contact with her since August 25.

Yes, but when you see her do you make contact?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No, I don't talk to her I don't say hello, goodbye anything, and I try to avoid eye contact, I've only approached her once as above when goaded and asked her why she was doing this in front of me

Approaching her at all would be potentially an act of vexation whatever the provocation. Being in the same location as her would not. You have no duty to avoid the same venues but since she has asked you to stop making contact with her would be an offence. It's not stalking but it could be harassment.

The only thing you could do is turn the whole thing round on her and tell her to stop provoking you or you will report her for harassment but the reality is that the police probably wouldn't be interested.

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