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Harris, Law Specialist
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 2851
Experience:  Family Law - Specialist in Divorce, Financial Relief and Children Matters
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I have recently separated from my wife of 7 years, with whom

Customer Question

I have recently separated from my wife of 7 years, with whom we have three children. We rent, so the only assets we have are tied up in the deposit for the house and the contents. We have a number of credit cards which are split fairly evenly between us. The children are 3 (twins) and 5 and we also employ a nanny to care for them during the day as we both work full time.
My wife doesnt have grounds for divorce, i had an affair (one night stand) 6 years ago which I told her about and we decided to move forwards, this was before any children. About 2.5 years ago she found out i had been unfaithful before we got engaged, which whilst dealing with newborn twins and her mum dying was a lot for her to process. This all boiled over at the start of this year and we have been in counselling together to try and work through the issues in our relationship, which are all related to a) how i behaved before our marriage when i was in my early twenties, and b) how i was 'unsupportive' with the twins when they were young as I did take it quite hard and felt i needed to work hard to progress my career to support our family financially. Panick you could call it.
This year she has been incredibly abusive to me at times, verbally and emotionally, especially after drinking. She even had an episode where she got so drunk she completely lost control and we had to call an ambulance because we thought she had been spiked. She got violent and physically assaulted paramedics and our nanny.
I finally moved out a few weeks ago after she did 'something' with a guy from our local pub after we had a lovely family day out and she had been talking about renewing our vows.
Since we both work and have quite high financial commitments (incl a nanny) she is expecting me to pay more than the minimum 25% of my net income to support her lifestyle and the children, which, we have not been able to support for some years. our credit cards have been growing over this time and I want to now be able to save for a deposit and funds so that i can set up my own home for the children to spend at least 3 nights a week with me. The amounts she is asking for seem unreasonable and she is insisting on going to a mediator to discuss. For me to agree to what she wants will resign me to not being able to move out of a shared house for many years and will mean that I cannot have my children living with me either which does not seem either fair or in the best interests of them/her.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Harris replied 1 year ago.

Hi, thank you for your question. In terms of maintenance, this comes in the form f child maintenance and spousal maintenance.

Child maintenance is a fixed amount which is calculated based on your gross income and how many nights, on average, the children stay overnight with you. If this cannot be agreed directly between you she, assuming she is the main carer, can apply directly to the Child Maintenance Service for an enforceable calculation.

In relation to spousal maintenance, this is more a discretionary amount which is based on her reasonable needs, income and your reasonable needs and income. If the amount she is demanding cannot be met from your income, after taking into account your reasonable needs, a court will not make such an order despite her demands.

I hope this assists you. If you found this information helpful please provide a positive rating using the stars at the top of this page. I will not be credited for your question without a positive rating. Thank you

Expert:  Harris replied 1 year ago.

Hi, this question remains open. If you found my information provided helpful please could you rate my response positively using the stars at the top of this page as I will not be credited for my response without a positive rating.