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Why do they not want you to talk to them?
Unless you had some form of official restriction in your contract preventing such contact, which I doubt, your ex-employer cannot prevent you from contacting her. They can request that but cannot force you to. However, the employee can request that herself and ask that you do not contact her and if you ignore this and approach her, on more than one occasion, it can amount to harassment. Therefore, if you do want to clear the air, you can approach her once and if she does not reply or replies and asks you not to contact her again, I suggest you leave it, because you may just be opening up a bigger can of worms, where you could be accused of harassment.
Does this answer your query?
I agree they may have handled this better but what has happened has happened and now that you have left you cannot really challenge the employer over this, so best to follow my advice above and just make one attempt, if you decide to do anything at all