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F E Smith
F E Smith, Advocate
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 13640
Experience:  I have been practising for 30 years.
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Hope you are well my question is my children are 14 and 15

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Hi good morning hope you are well my question is my children are 14 and 15 and don’t want anything to do with their father I’ve tried to make them go but they don’t want to my ex husband is saying it’s me stopping. Them I just want to knw what are my kids rights it’s causing them stress we divorced cause of Dv and his adultery
Assistant: What steps have you taken? Have you filed any papers in family court?
Customer: No I haven’t as I don’t have the money when we got divorced he said he didn’t want the kids sorted he would see them when ever he needed to and he wants them to stay with me full time
Assistant: Family Court normally sits in a local County and Magistrates' Court. Do you know the location of the court? If not, what county do you live in?
Customer: Yes I know where it is
Assistant: Anything else you want the lawyer to know before I connect you?
Customer: I don’t wana loose my kids he’s threatening me

Good morning. I will assist with your question - be aware this is an email not chat service therefore maybe delayed in replying.

how long have you been divorced?

and the children have said they dont want to see their father without any influence?

when was the last time they saw him?

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Since 29 jan 2013
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
they are saying they don’t want to without any influence and they saw him last on the 1/12:2018
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
I want them to see him but it’s the children cause when they use to go to see him he would be with them them after a while fob them off to their friends
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
we got divorced due to DV and adultery he was a very abusive man

At ages 14 & 15, it’s unlikely that the court are going to get involved because of they don’t want to go, the court is unlikely to make them.

Tell him that if he wants to force the children to see him, you cannot do that and he’s going to have to make an application to court which you will not defend and you will go along with whatever the court wants.

He is likely to be wasting his time and money.

Although I wouldn’t normally suggest that you leave it to the children, I think they are of the age when they can tell him what the problem is.

Can I clarify anything else for you?

I am happy to answer any specific points arising from this.

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Thank you.

If you still need any points clarifying, I will still reply because the thread does not close.

Best wishes.

FES

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
I have told him that I can’t force them
He saying it’s all my fault and my new husbands fault and he’s going to make me pay not just me my whole family he’s very abusive
The kids were on child protection due to him when I was married to him
Social workers are involved and he also said he’s never letting me take the kids on holiday he will never give permission he has a lot of money and I said what his advised me I’m not going to defend it I will go with what the court says
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
I have left it to the kids but now they are both getting stressed out they have rang him to tell him they want nothing to do with him he still thinks it’s me and my husband influencing them
And he’s made threats that he has mags from the kids that they want to see him but they are scared of me I said to him give them to the social have nothing to hide if they wana see him they can if they don’t I’m not making them

You can stop the abuse at a stroke.

Either go to the police and ask them to warn him under the provisions of the Protection from Harassment Act or make an application to court for a non-molestation order to prevent him contacting you or coming within 100 m of you except in respect of letters from a solicitor.

At these ages, the children will be able to do what they want but if you want to take them abroad on holiday, then provided there is a court order that they live with you, you can take them for 28 days without his consent, abroad even.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
There is no court order sir I’m in such confusion
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Im not worried about me it’s the kids safety they come first sir and he’s got money which I don’t Have

It might be worthwhile making an application for a Child arrangement order although to be frank, he should be the one doing that.,

Here is the link to the Government webpage on Child Arrangement Orders.

https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce

There are lots of different Child arrangement orders.

They can include:

A Contact Order which specifies when parent sees a child,

Residence Order to determine who your child lives with,

Prohibited Steps Order to prevent a parent doing something with the child such as moving away

Specific Issue Order to allow a parent to do something specific with the child such as moving away.

Please note that before rushing off to court you have to have tried mediation first, even if it fails

having said all this, I honestly don’t think that the court are going to get involved because of the ages of the children and you should tell him that he should take is only advice and that if he doesn’t stop harassing you, you are going to report the matter to the police and/or get a non-molestation order.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Thank you I will not rush to court sir I have already told him that he must go through court he’s not listening he said he’s going to make it hell for me in a. Way I think he’s all mouth no action but I know he has people and money so anything is possible

This is a police matter if he is saying that.

Alternatively, you may get legal aid for a non-molestation order so it would be worthwhile speaking to a solicitor.

Before you go (you can come back here at any time as the thread stays open), please do not forget to use the Rating Service because that gives me credit.

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It doesn't just give me a pat on the head!

The thread remains open, and we can still exchange emails.

Kind regards.

FES

F E Smith and other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Thank you sir for all your advice I will take everything you said and act on it
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Hi sir I also wanted to ask if I wanted to move to a different country what’s my tights my kids are fed up with all this stress she’s come home from school and said let’s just move away I’ve tried to explain to her it’s breaking my heart he hurt us when I was Margie to him and he’s still doing it now I just want him out of our lives
I don’t understand why he’s allowed to do this to me and my kids

he could apply to court for a non-molestation order to prevent the children going with you and the court would order a CAFCASS report to find out what the children wanted and ascertain whether it was in their best interests.

He isn’t allowed to do this to you and your children, although if he does, then you have already been given the remedies in my previous replies. It’s just that you have to do something about it if he is being unreasonable.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Hi morning hope you are well I have called the police and reported my ex husband they are coming to see me sometime today
Is there anything I should discuss with them that will help me stay safe with my kids
I don’t feel safe didn’t sleep all night

Press the police for a restraining order against him. It’s free and quick and there is no reason why you should then have to go to court for a non-molestation order.

You could have a restraining order within a day or so.

If he breaches that, you call 999 and the police will find him and arrest him.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
I will but would they act on it they do have his records where he’s beaten me up 22 times and when he’s come here before
And I’ve also started to log everything no matter how big or small is there anything else you suggest sir which will get me justice
He was controlling when we was married he’s controlling now
It’s not fair on my kids
I just want him to get what he deserves and he can never contact me or my kids again

I’m surprised that you didn’t do this long before now.

I don’t know what evidence there is of these 22 incidents and whether they have been reported to the police on all these occasions but please bear in mind that once you start this process, you are a rollercoaster which cannot be stopped.

Therefore, if you decide a reconciliation is on the cards, he is going to end up in court anyway.

Other people have told you this and its practical proposition not a legal one, but if it’s happened on 22 previous occasions, and you do reconcile, it will just continue to happen. This kind of thing is well documented.

It’s important that you impress all this to the police. I’m sorry if this appears sexist but crying will usually have a reasonable effect also. I’m also sorry to say that if you have bruises, you should show those.

It’s unlikely you will be able to stop him having contact with the children but for arranging that, it can be done through A 3rd party. For now, just press the police in respect of a restraining order

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
sir you are right but I was scared of him but now enough is enough
I thought sir you said if kids want no contact he can’t I’m a bit confused sorry sir

There is nothing to stop you making the application. What I said is that if the kids don’t want any contact, he is unlikely to get an order because the court are unlikely to order and 14 and 15 year old to do something which they don’t want.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Thank you sir I understand now I’ve just been and given a statement at the police station the police officer is going to complete his report give it to the cid then they will take it from there and they might arrest him and put me on high risk if he turns up I call them they will come straight away

Excellent. At this stage, you couldn’t ask for more. It is now with the police and the CPS.

If you are on the high risk register, your telephone will flag up whenever you call.

He should also get a visit from the police to warn him the risk he runs.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Glad and scared at the time but like you said sir this needed to be done ages ago but I was just scared of the outcome
He’s a scary man
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
I hope he understand a Wht will happen if he does turn up in sat like he threatened to do

Hopefully, the police will give him a little visit and have a word in his lughole and he will see sense.

The worst that can happen is that having put up with 22 times you have to put up with 23.

If he knocks at the door or says that he is coming round, dial 999 immediately. Don’t wait until he comes in or turns up.