How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • Go back-and-forth until satisfied
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask F E Smith Your Own Question
F E Smith
F E Smith, Advocate
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 16051
Experience:  I have been practising for 30 years.
Type Your Law Question Here...
F E Smith is online now

When me and my husband split a month ago, I’m in the spare

This answer was rated:

When me and my husband split a month ago, I’m in the spare bedroom and am still looking for a place to stay, as he wants to keep the house . I’m on the mortgage and deeds, he has always paid the bills and mortgage and I pay food etc and my own personal bills. He has said that while I still live here I have got to pay for 50% of the bills to stay here, I’ve given him £300 this weekend that’s all I can afford and he wants 550 in December, can you just give me some guidance please. He has blocked me on WiFi and turned heating off in my bedroom and says when I pay I can have it. Stopped car payments too so I’m going to try and do this myself. Regards Nikki.

Good afternoon. I will assist with your question - be aware this is an email not chat service therefore i maybe delayed in replying.

how long have you been together and married in total?

do you work?

any children under 18?

why has he blocked your wifi and turned off your heating?

Customer: replied 7 months ago.
We’ve been married 20 years there are two 15 year old boys and he’s playing mind games and he wants me out ASAP so he civil one minute and nasty then next, he knows financially I struggle so he’s playing the money card to crack me.
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
He said I’ll put the heating back on if you want I told him not to bother as I don’t want it on during the night anyway. I’m waiting atm to find out if I’m entitled to legal aid, am waiting on child benefits to go into my bank, which he says he wants back even though they in my name.
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
Text please as I’ve paid fir this month for app and funds are very very tight for me now
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
I work part time .

The offer of a telephone call comes out automatically. It’s optional. You can just ignore it or request it later.

We can continue on here.

I need some more information from you please.

Have you started divorce proceedings or has he?

Has there ever been any bullying intimidation or domestic violence?

Who will the boys live when you eventually go your separate ways?

What is the house worth?

Mortgage outstanding?

Customer: replied 7 months ago.
No not yet waiting on to see if I get legal aid, boys staying untill 18 as there school is literally around the corner they leave in May with exams coming there way . Stability is vital at this point for them. He had made me feel intimidated on time yo time and playing mind games , through money , kids etc refusing to pay for car still asking for sex, I’ve made that very clear no way. I’ve told the boys at any stage they can come to me . I’m having house valued tomorrow so when boys reach 18 he will have to buy me out or sell the property. Mortgage outstanding £60,000 and then clear all debts etc,
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
Think property will be worth around £185,000 to &£195,000.

If you feel that he is intimidating or bullying you or exerting financial pressure/coercive behaviour can apply to court for a non-molestation order to prevent him coming within 100 m of you and an occupation order for him to move out of the house.

Here are the government webpages on exactly this subject.

There doesn't actually have to be physical violence per se because there can be coercive behaviour for example as you will read in this excellent article:

Unless a sale of the house produces enough money for the parent looking after the child(ren), the resident parent, until the youngest reaches 18 and produces a surplus for the non-resident parent, the sale of the house is not on the cards until the youngest child reaches 18.

Both parents are under a duty to provide a home for dependent children until they reach 18. Only then would the house be sold.

In your situation, you may be able to hang onto the house for another three years because there would certainly not be enough equity to provide a home for you and the children.

Unfortunately, a person is not responsible for the mortgage or rent or the bills of a house that they do not live in although they remain liable to the lender or landlord if the other person stays in the property and doesn’t pay the mortgage or rent.

In that case, the non-occupier would be entitled to recover any mortgage or rental payments made by the non-occupier, from the occupier within the finances of the breakup of the relationship/marriage.

That means that if you did boot him out, or the court booted him out, you would be faced with paying the mortgage and the bills.

The court will not normally get involved in domestic finances unless you have started divorce or legal separation proceedings.

Provided that at least one of the people wishing to get divorced lives in England, then getting divorced in England (& Wales) is infinitely a do-it-yourself job. (I am not familiar with the system in Scotland)

Save yourself a whole load of money: the government website have a do-it-yourself guide

Although you can agree finances between you, it doesn’t draw a line under it unless you have a financial order

And if have children under 18, and you cannot agree who they live with and who sees who and when, then you need a child arrangement order (which includes Specific Issue Orders:

To confirm that something can happen

and a Prohibited Steps Orders

To stop something happening

In the United Kingdom, we do not have “irreconcilable differences”. That is a thing in the United States for the time being at least. The rules are changing here shortly to get rid of the following 5 grounds of divorce and to get rid of the fault issue but that has yet to be enacted. To be honest, in my opinion, it’s going to make very little difference because the big arguments are over finance and children not the actual divorce itself.

It doesn’t matter who divorce is who or why, the financial issues are exactly the same. The court has not apportioned blame with regard to the division of marital finances for many years.

Grounds for getting divorced are:

1 The couple have lived part 2 years or more but less than 5 years and they both consent to the divorce.

2 The couple have lived apart for 5 years or more, regardless of whether they both consent or not.

3 Desertion. Not common.

4 Adultery. Very difficult to prove unless there is unequivocal evidence or an admission.

5 Unreasonable behaviour. Most common and relatively easily to put together a petition on these grounds. For example:

A spouse wants an unreasonable amount of sex/never once it.
Lack of personal hygiene/obsessive personal hygiene.

Obsessively tidy/extremely messy and untidy.

Gambles to excess/it’s tightfisted with money.

Never interacts with spouse or children/obsessive with children.

Violent or bullying or intimidating.

Excess alcohol.

Lots of grounds.

There is no point, with children at 15 years of age, applying for a Child arrangement order because the court would not normally get involved as they are deemed to be old enough to make their own mind up.

As part of the divorce process, you may want to apply for a financial order:

Which draws a line under the finances of the marriage and prevents either of you coming back to the other, in some years time, asking for more money if circumstances have changed (the lottery?).

Can I clarify anything else for you?

I am happy to answer any specific points arising from this.

Please take a moment to look at the top right-hand corner of the page and rate my service by clicking one of the stars at the top of the screen.

You may need to login again to use the rating service. Although it says "rate to finish" it doesn't close the thread and we can still exchange emails.

It's important that you use the rating service because that gives me credit.

It doesn't just give me a pat on the head! It's what gets me paid!!

There is also an experts incentive scheme whereby the more 5 star ratings I get I do actually get a pat on the head!

All you need to do is press Submit.

Thank you.

If you still need any points clarifying, I will still reply because the thread does not close.

Best wishes.


F E Smith and other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
Thank you so while I live here I do have to contribute towards the bills etc? Thank you so much for everything. Regards Nikki.