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SASH_Law, Lawyer
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 2244
Experience:  LLB (Hons)
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I'm having problems with my son's mum trying to control my

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I'm having problems with my son's mum trying to control my contact and where I can take my son
JA: What steps have you taken? Have you filed any papers in family court?
Customer: No nothing I have been able to see him but I am staying with my new partner and my ex is wanting address postcode etc before I can bring him up
JA: Family Court normally sits in a local County and Magistrates' Court. Do you know the location of the court? If not, what county do you live in?
Customer: I'm in Pembrokeshire
JA: Anything else you want the Lawyer to know before I connect you?
Customer: I just want to be able to have my son sometimes without his mum saying she wants to check out my partner

Hi, I'm Lea and I have reviewed your query.

Are the current arrangements just by agreement between you and the mother?

Are you named on the birth certificate?

How far away from your child's home is your new address?

Please bear in mind this is an email service and not a live chat so responses may not be instantaneous. I am not available for calls, but in all cases it is very likely you can be helped online.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
just an arrangement between me and his mum my name is ***** ***** birth certificate and I am 20 mins away in the car

As there is no court order in place stating where the child lives and how he spends time with the other parent, yours and the mother's parental responsibility is exactly the same and you both have the right to decide what happens for him, including some things being joint decisions (major issues such as medical and educational), and others being individual decisions based on which parent has the child that day, e.g. what food to eat, what to wear, who to visit.

That said, it is appropriate for parents to decide together when a child will meet a new partner and when that child will stay overnight at that partner's house. It is also appropriate for the other parent to want to meet that new partner, and at the very least know the address where the child is going to be staying.

However, the mother cannot force you to give her that information, and therefore if you chose to take the child to your partner's house she can't prevent that - but of course once she finds out she will feel that you have betrayed her trust - so I don't recommend this. I recommend speaking to her and getting agreement together - and in absence of that, approaching a mediator to assist.

The last resort would be a court order.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
I am trying I have told her where I am just not the address it was agreed for him to come here today but since I won't give the address she has stopped this .
Before aof this she was wanting my partner's name address dob so she could do police checks on her it's not like I want to leave him with my partner she just seems to be being unreasonable

What is your reluctance to give the information asked for?

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
I'm reluctant to give her this information as she I don't trust what she would do with it

What do you think she can do with that information?

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
She's a counsellor and said she has he's her own database .
I also don't know if she would come up and make a scene

She's not permitted to use a database that she has access to as part of her work to check out someone in her personal life. That would be a misuse of information and therefore gross misconduct. If she values her job, she is very unlikely to misuse that information.

I think it's highly likely that if you don't give her the information she is going to say the child cannot visit, and you will then have to go to court. Once the matter is in court, unless there is a valid reason for the mother not to have the details she is asking for, those details will be available to her during the proceedings as your partner will be subjected to background checks (as both parents will be).

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
Ok thanks

It may be simpler just to give her the address - if she does turn up to cause trouble, you can call the police - and if she continues to do so, you'll be in a good position to get an order preventing her from turning up.

I suspect, however, that she just wants to know where the child will be - which is perfectly reasonable really.

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