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My husband & l separated March 2012. We got back together

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My husband & l separated March 2012. We got back together late 2013.
JA: What steps has your husband taken? Has he filed any papers in family court?
Customer: Sorry l sent by accident. He deserted me in Jan 2019 while l was seriously ill in hospital. He is now saying if l dnt sign his divorce papers he will cite adultery, using diaries l wrote when we were separated in 2012. But we lived together again from late 2013. I'm sure l read somewhere he can't use this as we lived together again.
JA: Has he talked to a lawyer about this yet?
Customer: He actually was very cruel. Mentally he caused me great distress, not speaking for long periods, if l spoke he ignored me a lot of the time. I didn't actually commit adultery altho l can see how he could have read into it!
JA: Is there anything else the Lawyer should know before I connect you? Rest assured that they'll be able to help you.
Customer: The has now sent a letter from a solicitor asking for a divorce. He has kept a lot of my personal things & refuses to give me them. Can he be made to return them?
Good evening and thank you for your question. I'm a solicitor specialising in divorce, separation and financial matters. I'm orry to hear about the distress your husband caused you so I'd be happy to offer some guidance. Firstly, you are correct when you state that he could not divorce you based on adultery as he effectively "forgave" the adultery by recommencing marital cohabitation with you. Secondly, what sort of personal items has he kept?
JeremyT1020 and 7 other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
I typed a long reply, re personal items & other information which seemed to just disappear! I can't find it now. Did it actually 'send?
Hi. I'm really sorry but it didn't send. :(
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
Ok, thankyou. Sorry.
Some of the items include, presents from my daughters, my laptop, jewellery, including my mother's wedding ring, 4 antique carver chairs, (which had been my uncles') sound system l got from my brother, electrical items, new large family tent & caravan, (l bought both.) Plus all equipment.
I sent him a long list previously & he said I've, 'got all I'm getting'! He insisted on taking my handbag, keys, purse, bank card etc 'home' as they might not be safe in hospital. I just knew he was going to take money from my bank account, which he did.
I was coersed into giving up my home, when l was ill & vulnerable. The bungalow was let to me because of my immobility.
He used mind games getting me to let him have it as he was then 'nearly 70, & having to look for a new home!' Even though he was the one abandoning me!
He was always very good at manipulating & controlling me because he knew I didn't like confrontation & was frightened of him. He had been both physicially & mentally abusive to me for years. Practicially every day he would blow up in anger over the tiniest of things, sometimes l didn't even know why. Then he'd go back to ignoring me & drinking a lot.
I suffer from PTSD & severe anxiety. I was always scared of setting him off & always tried to please him. I said he could have the bungalow as long as I had my pick of furniture etc & that l could come back to visit our' eldest daughters' 'Memorial Garden'.
He knew I always felt close to her there. He agreed. My daughter's' found me a ground floor flat near them & as soon as the bungalow was signed over to him he text me & told me he'd got what he wanted now, 'The Bungalow' & l was not welcome at HIS HOME, & l better not ever go there. I was devastated. In all this time l have been unable to visit Samanthas' Memorial Garden'. Heartbreaking.
He lied about me to my friends, saying I'd admitted to adultery, which l hadn't. He did it knowing that would hurt me. I am a Christian & have strong morals & didn't commit adultery as I said. A lot of what I wrote was fantasy , my daydreams, but l never wrote that. It's what he took out of it.
Every text he sent me was full of swearing, which he knows l don't like & calling me filthy names. He also said he was going to tell our grandsons to read the diaries & tell them what a whore I'd become.
So cruel. Who does that? My grandchildren have nothing to do with this. You just Don't have those conversations with grandchildren!
When l discovered he was using the phone, tablet & internet l paid for to access porn I was devastated. I didn't confront him about it for months though. When I eventually did he dared to say it must have been our grandsons! How dare he? He admitted when we'd parted that it was him!
I was in hospital for 3 full months & in a care home for 2 full months. I,'d had multiple major surgeries & had gone into total respiratory failure with each surgery. They didn't really give me much hope. My family were sent for
My brother travelled from Scotland on at least 3 occasions. While there l suffered from delirium, which was very frightening. Yet knowing all that my husband brought what he'd found & literally threw it in my face on the ward & accused me of all sorts. He said he wouldn't be back. I tried to convince him it wasn't what he thought. But he didn't want to believe it. I haven't seen him since!
Initially l expected to go home to my own home, my bungalow & l know it all affected my recovery.
I hate this flat although my daughters' were trying to get me near them & they have been wonderful. I needed carers 4 x daily when l got home for months. I am still recovering & as my wounds haven't yet totally healed 2 & a half years on, so I'm still having dressings.
l am heartbroken that l can't sit in my garden & in Samanthas' Memorial garden.
Now, l have received this letter asking me to agree to a divorce because we've been separated over 2 years. He states It's from Jan 19. But when l went into hospital l wasn't separated. I had my home. My beautiful bungalow & gardens, my husband, my marriage. I came out to none of it! Is it any wonder I became delirious? He put me through hell.
Can he use the date he specified as I was in hospital & l remember saying to my daughter one day was her Dad coming to visit & she said, ""No he isn't mum. He hasn't been to see you for 5 weeks."
I hadn't even realised! I was so confused. I didn't realise l was separated until l came to live in this flat. So from my perspective it was from when l came to live here. Not Jan 19 when l was so ill.
Sorry for going on & on . There is just so much I needed to get out I guess. Thankyou.
Regards, ***** *****
Good evening and thank you for your patience. In relation to your personal items, you could threaten to make an application under the Torts (Interference with Goods) Act for trespass if he refuses to return them. If there's significant matrimonial assets to sort out such as a property, savings, pensions, etc, you'd be better off making an application for a financial remedy order. That said, before any application to court, you should offer him the chance to mediate through a 3rd party mediator and see if he's prepared to settle. If not, the mediator will give you a MIAM certificate which will enable you to make an application to court.
Customer: replied 13 days ago.
Hi, Thankyou again for your' response.
You didn't actually reply to my question re my husband saying it was Jan 19 when we separated although l believe the actual date would have been end of May 19.
Will it actually make any difference to the dates of divorce?
If l don sign his papers will we have to wait five years to divorce or is it when we finally agree??
Also is it ok to say l will sign when l get my items back?
Regards, E.S.
Customer: replied 13 days ago.
I also meant to ask you if the information given to me relates to English law? Thankyou. E.S.
Good morning and thank you for your patience. I've had a lot of court work to deal with in my regular job so I've been playing catch up for the last couple of days. Firstly, I am an English solicitor so all information ice given you relates to English law.
In relation to the separation question, your husband believes that the marriage was over from January 2019. He will tick a box confirming that in the divorce petition. Either way, it is now over 2 years since you separated (even based on your late May recollection). If he wants to divorce based on 2 years' separation, he does need your consent. If you refused, the divorce could not proceed.
In that case, he would have to either divorce based on your alleged unreasonable behaviour or wait 5 years. A lot of people say that you can only rely on recent behaviour - that's true to a degree but there are plenty of ways to claim that somebody's behaviour is 'continuing' even 2 years after separation. To put it bluntly, if he wants to get a divorce, he will.
Customer: replied 12 days ago.
Thankyou very much for all the information you have provided to me.
I really do appreciate your help.
Regards E..S.
My pleasure. Please let me know if you need any further assistance. Kind regards, J
Customer: replied 11 days ago.
Thankyou so much. Jeremy.
Kind regards, ***** *****
Customer: replied 11 days ago.
Meant to say l tried to give you five stars, but it only let me give you four. Sorry.
Haha! Not to worry Eileen. Many thanks anyway. Genuinely happy to helped.