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I am the Respondent in a non-molestation order. I was in a

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Hello, I am the Respondent in a non-molestation order. I was in a lesbian relationship. However, my ex is the abuser and she is lying in her Application about me abusing her. I was also in contact with domestic abuse agencies when I ended the relationship, and due to my mental health and increase in seizures I also sought help from mental health services, especially as I was being informed by domestic abuse agencies that some things my ex had done to me which I didn’t initially recognise as coercive control and abuse, were actually forms of coercive control and manipulation. I have provided statement and evidence to disprove what she’s claiming. I am epileptic and suffer from EUPD. I do not have the financial support to get a solicitor. I have been constantly informed that as the Respondent in the case I cannot receive legal aid. I represented myself in the pre-trial and at the Applicant’s barristers requests I am not permitted to examine or cross examine witnesses in court, and that I am allowed only two witnesses (and that includes witness statements). I could understand if I wasn’t allowed to cross examine the Applicant, but how does this give me a fair trial? When I questioned this in Court the judge stated that her barrister “has much more legal standing in Court than you do. Once you begin your LPC then you will understand this and this is what she requests, and I accept it” (I was due to commence the LPC but due to the difficulties regarding the relationship and me being unwell due to this I have not been able to… also I have never studied family law). I am wondering where I can seek help and advice and possibly a solicitor to help me? I find it disgusting that I am being treated in this manner. Also the barrister of the Applicant has stated that the Applicant’s legal team have not previously seen/ been sent my statement. When I was speaking to her barrister prior to the pre-trial, there were certain questions I brought up about the Applicant’s statement and her barrister stated things that she would only know if she had read my Application, at one point I was about to question something in her statement and the barrister stated “that wasn’t her lying I mistyped when I wrote the statement” and gave me answers before I fully asked the question… once again she would only know this if she had read my statement or wrote the statement for the Applicant. However, she later informed me that she has never had any association with the legal team (whose name is ***** ***** Applicant’s statement and legal work), and that she is representing the Applicant on behalf of a different legal firm. This seems very strange to me. As far as I am aware clean hands is the way people in the case/ witnesses/ legal representatives should come into Court. It seems as though something strange is going on so that they can buy time to try to discredit me and any evidence I have given… which will be extremely difficult if not impossible, especially as it is the truth!!! I cannot even approach certain witnesses of the Applicant’s behaviour as they live in her Apartment building. I want to be a survivor, not a victim but it seems as though the Applicant is doing anything she can to keep me a victim!!!
JA: Is there ongoing abuse or harassment? How recent?
Customer: even the judge stated to me that it would be in my best interests to get a legal representative!!!
JA: Were the police called? What happened?
Customer: No they were not. I involved police when she was refusing to give me my belongings unless I went alone to her residence in Newton Le-Willows to collect them. Due to the fact I have previously attempted to end the relationship she would always coerce and manipulate me back into it. The police informed me to send a formal letter which I did, she even puts in her statement that I sent her mother the letter but I have photos to prove the letter and envelope was sent to her mother’s address (as she was predominantly residing with her mother) but in the Applicant’s name and had to be signed for!!! I have evidence that she put my life at risk as she knows the protocol when I have seizures, and as a student nurse and carer at a hospital one would think she would have called an ambulance, however she didn’t call 111 until I had four seizures, she downplayed the severity to them and they said they would get my GP to call her back, my GP spoke with her and told her to get an ambulance now and then I had another seizure before the ambulance arrived (this is what hat she eventually told me), I had seven seizures in total that day, and she lied to me since July until November when she revealed the truth to me. Also when I was discharged a day or two later (I had little cognitive function, but I was discharged because they didn’t feel I was in danger of having any more seizures and put me on extra medication) her mother drove down from Merseyside to Chesterfield (Derbyshire) and took us to babysit her (mother’s) cat while she was on holiday. I don’t recall that or the drive, I was pretty much out of it for days and I believed what she said (which turned out to be lies) as she informed me prior to that and even when I questioned until November that I had two seizures at my residence and the rest in hospital!!! Also regarding the resident in her Apartment block, the Applicant was screaming, shouting and threatening the male resident because his cat had ripped her Vespa scooter cover and he was going to call the police on her, but I had to calm her down (which was difficult) and beg him not to call the police on her!!! I believe the only reason her barrister wants to limit it to two witnesses is because the Applicant has no witnesses because I never abused her, but I have witnesses, the main problem is that many of them are in her local area and some are even friends and family of hers!!!
JA: Is there anything else the Lawyer should know before I connect you? Rest assured that they'll be able to help you.
Customer: There is more to include but this is the gist of the case!!! Thank you!!!
Good evening and thank you for your question. I'm a solicitor specialising in family law and dispute resolution so I'd be happy to offer some guidance on this matter.I'm sorry to hear about the problems you've had with your ex. I appreciate it's frustrating and painful to chat about but how long were you in a relationship together? Have you asked to introduce medical evidence? When is the next hearing? Have the court indicated if they would be willing to accept undertakings (promises to the court)?Thanks, J
Customer: replied 8 days ago.
Thank you for your response! We were together since August 2020 until December 2022! I did try and end the relationship on several occasions but she would manage to make me resume the relationship. I have sent medical evidence in my first statement, which also includes discharge letter when I attempted suicide which was when she revealed the truth to me about the seven seizures, and I attempted to end the relationship and asked her not to contact me but she kept messaging and calling me and I had asked her including via message to not contact me!!! Having EUPD I was very upset and hurt by this information and it is easy under stress such as this for my mind to go to suicidal thoughts. With what she was saying to me and trying to make me feel guilty and trying to convince me that she had previously informed me I couldn’t emotionally cope and I took many of my epilepsy medications as I wanted to die (my mind basically makes me think that this is the only way that I can stop feeling the way I was). After that she even accused me of lying about my suicide attempt as the hospital discharged me prior to the 72hour mandatory hold, and that she had contacted the hospital (when I was in there, as my step-father had informed her), but they would not confirm or deny to her that I was there, and as a student nurse and carer she believed she had a right to be informed if it was true. When I was discharged I contacted her for my belongings but she kept messing me around and playing with my emotions and then blocked me so I couldn’t arrange to get them, so I did go to hers to get most of them (in my cut open clothes, defib pads, ecg stickers still on me and needle marks from cannulas), she begged me to continue the relationship, eventually I gave in and resumed the relationship. Later she accused me of lying again about it, she even read my discharge letter and continued to state that I was lying about it. I have included this and my discharge letter in my statement due to the fact it states in the letter about to he mental health team talking to me about the reason and that it was due to “relationship issues”. I have also included a supporting statement from one of the domestic abuse agencies (although it only confirms when I was referred to them and that they supported me and gave me a case worker… and that was before I received the non-molestation order)! The Applicant’s barrister asked for 4-6 weeks until the hearing. I don’t want to have any connection with her, I even stated this in my formal letter and I have wished her the best in every aspect of her life. However I have not done what she is claiming. I admitted that I have called her stupid, childish, and reckless in circumstances such as when she was abusing alcohol and went onto placement as a student nurse in a hospital or as a carer at the hospital and was hungover or still had large quantities of alcohol in her system, I even informed her that it was immoral, unethical, illegal and wrong to do that but she stated that I was threatening her, on one occasion when she was going to go to work at at the hospital as a carer after a three day binge fest and I informed her of this and she screamed at me, and shouted ar me down the phone, and then put the phone down. She then called back and stated I had threatened her and that she had checked her diary and wasn’t working that day and she got mixed up (even though she was getting ready for work at the time). I stated back in message as she put the phone down again “I haven’t threatened you, I have never threatened you!!! I told you the truth, and as usual you don’t like it”. I even have messages to prove where she states in her statement that she felt amicable about splitting up on the occasions when I had attempted to end the relationship that she is lying because she kept begging and pleading with me (and it’s in message so it’s evident she is lying). When I questioned if I could have witness statements with the two other witnesses he said no and that he will include any further witness statements as my two witnesses. When I questioned with regards ***** ***** finding/ examining the witnesses the judge said that if I want to then I should get legal representation, especially as I will not be allowed to question/ examine the witnesses. He has stated that if I go against the non-molestation order then I will be arrested. I don’t want to be around her, contact, or see her, I cannot have her make up biscuits lies about me and my character. Especially as I believe she has done this before to other vulnerable adults… this is due to the fact that she had informed me in the relationship that she had previously been in relationships with others who had mental health issues/ disabilities and that they ended badly… but she was painting a picture as if it was them to her like she is doing with me now, and honestly I will blame myself if anyone else falls victim to her especially if they harm/ kill themselves!!!
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Customer: replied 8 days ago.
I feel like they possibly didn’t have the courage or means to go against her, and unless someone stands up and proves how vindictive and manipulative she is then she will just continue, and I can’t live with that guilt as I would feel almost like an accessory to what she is doing!!! Plus it is absolutely disgusting with what she has put me through and that she can get away with it… that’s not truthful or justice if I ignore it!!!
Customer: replied 8 days ago.
Sorry my phone put “biscuit lies” I meant viscous lies!!!