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Solicitor4All, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 7838
Experience:  Director and Principal Solicitor. UK
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👋, I was wondering if you could advise as I have a

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Hello 👋
JA: Hi. How can I help?
Customer: I was wondering if you could advise as I have a narsasistic ex who plays mind games to get control of myself and 3 children aged 16, 14 & 12 . And when I've put my foot down due to issues that have happened and 2 children needing support for eating disorders , self harm and suicidal thoughts having counciling and all the help I can get them whilst dealing with my own health issues, working full time and getting no financial or emotional support off him for them even after the knowledge of their predicament which intern he has made worse as everything is about him .
JA: Where are you? It matters because laws vary by location.
Customer: I have had to stop overnight stays due to their wellbeing but have made clear they can see each other on weekends of holidays when the girls want to see him
JA: What steps have you taken so far?
Customer: Cardiff wales
JA: Is there anything else the Lawyer should know before I connect you? Rest assured that they'll be able to help you.
Customer: Too much to write briefly

A very good morning to you there, how do you do?

My name is Solicitor4All a law expert with over 15years practice. I will be helping you this morning. Thank you for the inquiry.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
I have my children around atm so would appreciate a call another day if possible please
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
I am just checking to find out if I am within my right to stop over night stays if feel this is not good for the girls

First of all, I am sorry to hear about the issues brought up by this. It must be a frustrating situation to be going through especially with the children involved. Please leave the inquiry with me and i will prepare a response for you here this morning. Thank you.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
There was an incident that has made me take ti's decision. It involved him being very drunk , letting my 14 year old get drunk , having a blazing row with my q6 yr old and telling her to get a job and move out , her calling me at 1.50 in the morning to come and get her and his new partner dragging him out of the room as 3 girls were asking him to leave them alone as they were upset
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
We never married and he is on the birth certificate
We were together 21 years and been separated for 6
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
I have maintained an okay relationship with him and tried to keep the peace and even had bbqs with his new partner and him to keep all amicable for the girls , but this hasn't worked as he has always seen thing his way only and wants what he wants.
Our girls are older now and want to do things with their friends not their parents ...
Tom is very controlling and I have been having counciling aswell as my 2 daughter as have issues with self harm , eating disorder and suicidal thoughts for which I have been exhausting every bit of help I can get them with no support from their father . As when he knows he can't deal with it and would kill himself if it wasn't for them as said by him to Holly who is bad
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
There is alot more to this that just what I have stated and in their best interest with their agreement have said to their father that .
He can see them any weekend day they wish to see him , that may be a couple of hours or the day either day.
Not on skl days as had GCSE 's and test 2 days after the event mentioned above..
And any time over holidays dependent of plans arranged by all but no sleepovers as to avoid any drunken event as him and his partner more often than not have a drink on the weekend they have the Girls ...
The girls are all happy with this arrangement but he is not and want to have them on his set days ...
Every other weekend fri-sun and 2 eves in week for food but not sleep as was before .
This has not been working for us, as the girls have wanted to make plans but he's not happy if it's on his days so they don't make plans as he gets unhappy as feels he's a taxi and they don't want to spend time with him or his parents .
They have not been happy with this..
As with all that happens none of them feel comfortable to express to him how they feel as he makes it all about him ..
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
He has said he's going to look into this as after I have set these rules he has said to girls he is going to take them on a caravan holiday in August .
He hasn't said to me or arranged just to them and now I have had to say no due to their wellbeing I feel . This has then made me to be the one with the problem and having to disappoint my children as he has gaslit them again ...
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
He has done nothing to support them or their situation since knowing 2 years after the first spell with Holly's wellbeing as she didn't want her father to know and since knowing for the last couple of mths he has just made the situation worse.
And since knowing he has said some things that have left its mark on my daughter ...
I want to limit the amount of time he is able to play mind games , manipulate and gaslight them as he has done to me for years and that's why I have had bad mental health issues .
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
Sorry for all the information I am just trying to make the best of a difficult situation as they love their father and he can be lovely but that's the point as I'm am learning through counselling.
I hope you can advise if I am able to make these decisions as they live with me full time and I am their main career and don't want to stop them from having a close relationship I'm just trying to set our own boundaries and the way we would like things ...
Plans that have been made in regards ***** ***** has always been decided generally by Tom and the girls as when I and girls have decided that's been over ruled after their visit to him and then dictated to me ...
I am sticking to my guns at the moment as this is our decision not his ...
I just need to clarify if I am able to do this as he will argue that I'm brainwashing them as he repeatedly says to them .

Thank you very much for your patience. If there is no child arrangements order in place dictating that he must have them overnight on specific days, as the resident parent you have every right to put your children’s welfare and safeguarding at the forefront. He is on the birth certificates so he does have automatic parental responsibility but if he is toxic to the children you can deny him contact and it’s for him to apply to court for child arrangements order which you can defend with the evidence of his behaviour and conduct.

As for maintenance there is no reason why you are not getting some contribution from him, apply to Child Maintenance Services (CMS) they will calculate the entitlement and can back date too.

Any follow up please do not hesitate to send your message. We appreciate the opportunity to guide you and to clarify anything should you choose to return, all the best.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
Thank you that's good to hear .
I do get child maintenance of £27 mth as he is self employed painter and decorator earning around £30/40 thousand a year but claims he earns £9 thousand so low payments
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
163;27 a week sorry
You are welcome and he sounds like he would do anything to not support you financially which is sad,
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