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DrRussMD, Board Certified MD
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 65671
Experience:  Board certified Internal medicine and Integrative medicine. Many years of experience all areas.
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I am married to a women that was previously involved with a

Customer Question

I am married to a women that was previously involved with a narcissist
We got engaged 4 times
We broke up once because he visited her and they spent a night at his hotel They also spent the next night at his place
She lied about where she was and visited him
She removed our photo from her BBM so that he cannot see we were together and
I saw a bbm from her to him where se said she misses him terribly
We finally broke up with me and moved back to him where he hit her seriously and chased her away
We got together again and I found that she was still in contact with him on skype
4 Days before our wedding she met with him where he gave her presents
Twice after our wedding (within 2 months)they met where she gave him a love CD
Before one of the meetings I saw BBMs of her to him saying that her heart is on fire for him and she cannot wait to see him again ,misses him a lot and loves him

I do not know what to do After her encounters with him became known they stopped everything and she is behaving now Is it over or is this just to soft soak me I want to get a divorce but are not sure at this stage

Her explanation is that she gives him back what he gives her That may be a tactic to get of a narcissist but not in a marriage My feeling is that she is emotionally manupulated by him She once said it is like heroine She just must go back to him
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.

Hello from JA

I am Dr. Thomas, board certified in internal medicine and integrative medicine and I can help you with this and any follow up questions. I cover a lot of ground and might give you an answer or ask for information, but use reply to communicate with me for questions or added details.

Labeling the other man as having a problem does not change the fact that your wife has a big problem.

Just from your description, I see no indication that she, or your, have addressed these problems professionally.

This is a serious problem on her part, one might call it sex addiction, but that would be an armchair diagnosis, personality disorder also being in the differential diagnosis.

So this needs to be assessed by a professional.

What I suggest in this situation to patients is as follows.

YOU should find a trained PhD psychologist/family therapist, which is a well defined field. And you should start therapy sessions, first to help you, secondly to invite her into the family therapy if this is feasible, which is something you will figure out with the therapist. Sometimes relationships have to end. If she does not realize this as a serious problem on her part [being married and continuing an addictive affair], then that might be the only solution.

However, family therapy might resolve this if both parties are willing to work at it.

OK. If you have further questions or details, use reply to expert.

Otherwise please choose a positive rating . But, still come back if you need to…think of something later, etc. Bonuses are appreciated.