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Ask Family Physician Your Own Question
Family Physician
Family Physician, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 2418
Experience:  GP with over 27 years experience including emergency medicine
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please can you help me

Customer Question

please can you help me
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
What is your medical question?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

iam really feeling underpreasure for the last couple of months and am taking it out on loved ones

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
so what is your question about this situation?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I need help to deal with it! basically what has happened is my boyfriend beat me up and put me in hospital for 5 days and I love him and carnt let go but because it has all happened I just flip n think things like he is cheating and all that he tries to reassure me but it doesn't help I carry on thinking it. it is killing him and killing me

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
What you describe is not a tenable situation.
If he beat you up and put you in the hospital for 5 days, why is he not in jail?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

cheers for your help!!! you are no good

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
In fact
I deal with this type of situation all the time.
I have not given you an answer, and to give you an answer, I need background information.

The first an most obvious answer is why is he not injail, or on probation, was he arrested? What did you do about this?

No physical abuse in any relationship is acceptable. It is illegal. You appear to be saying you are blaming your self, which is also a reflection of co dependency, no one has a right to beat you up regardless of what accusations you make.

So, I am trying to assess what level of help you need, with what type of practitioner.

So again, when he beat you up, what action did you take?

What action did the hospital take?

And what was the outcome?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

he got arrested but nothing els has happened to him

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
Then the next question is
Why would you want to keep seeing someone that physically abused you and put you in the hospital for 5 days.
A 5 day hospital stay would indicate this was potentially life threatening.

What has been done to follow up with you; what services were arranged or suggested?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

its only ever happened the once we are happy its just me that flips out all time.


what you mean follow up?

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
I mean did they arrange follow up therapy or other intervention

Any relationship in which one partner is beaten and put in the hospital is not a normal or safe or functional relationship.

And it almost never happens just one time; that is a myth.

What is his position. This was pathological behavior on his part. Does he want help to change this?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

they put me to see victum support but they didn't really help


yeah he is getting help

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
So the two of you have not had family therapy by a PhD clinical psychologist?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.


Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
As you have pointed out, you also need therapy, and what you have had has not worked.
You are, as I understand it, not controlling your emotions and this is affecting your other relationships

And you have not had successful therapy.

Would he be willing to be in therapy with you?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

no I wont to do this myself

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
Are you saying that you will not go into therapy with him?

Does that mean you have cut off the relationship?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

no we r still in a relationship but I need to help me first them work back on that

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
In that case why are you not seeing a therapist?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I don't know no1 has really pointed me in that direction

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
Let me explain this carefully.
This is not self help.
What you are describing not only involves your own emotional problems, but those of your family that raised you, and you might have other problems developing from this trauma, such as PTSD.
This requires professional therapy.

To fix a relationship that is this badly damaged, therapy for you and for the couple, it requires both.

If you find a Phd clinical psychologist trained in family therapy they can start with you, and then anyone else that needs to joint that process can, including your boyfriend.

I would be very concerned about your safety in the meantime, and I think that you should not be seeing your boyfriend until you are both in therapy, and until his behavior is being monitored by the authorities, which I assume is the case at this point.

Does this all make sense?