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Family Physician
Family Physician, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 2418
Experience:  GP with over 27 years experience including emergency medicine
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Hi I have anger-management issues and the thoughts I get

Customer Question

I have anger-management issues and the thoughts I get are murderous. It scares me because those thoughts are towards people I care for. How can I control this?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
Have you seen a psychologist?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

yes I have just recently when I was home in South Africa. Just 4 sessions, but due to time constraints they sessions were very close to each other time wise. I talked about some issues, and she suggested some handling exercises. However, regarding the family, there is lots of tension, misunderstanding and stress at this point. We don't see each other much and this was meant to be a vacation. However, it was disagreements from the time we got together.


Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
And did she give you a diagnosis?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.



Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
Tell me more about the family situation.
Who is involved?
Wife, etc?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

my sisters and mom-when we get together during vacations, it seems we cant get along. This time was worse for some reason. We live in different parts of the world but coming together is difficult.


i resent the way my late dad treated me. He hit me often and I often felt powerless and wanted to escape. The beatings stopped when i was 20, but the emotional trauma continued. He was always mistrustful and made me feel like i was guilty of doing something wrong.


I think this may have resulted in my string of failed relationships with men. I am always aggressive, irrational, insecure and with a low self-esteem. I choose them wrong. I dont know how to be in a relationship. i recently came out of a 4 year relationship and found out that the guy was lying and cheating on me for the past 4 years. This has crushed me. I cant get the thoughts of murder out of my head :(

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
And what type of psychologist did you see, what degree, and what method
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

clinical psychologist at a medical centre-I just spoke and she listened. Can you please respond to what I've written instead of shifting the attention?

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
What you have written indicates the need for therapy.
And clarifying what type of therapy you might have already had before going further is not only pertinent, but will save time so that I am not repeating a direction that you have pursued
Make sense?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Iv not taken any direction, not tried any method, so I supposed Im a raw candidate. She merely asked me to take an hour to think each night before going to bed, she told me to write down what is in my control and what isn't when it comes to dealing with people (colleagues/family etc). she said i should take some time before responding to people if I feel the urge to snap at them.

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
Yes I understand that you have not gotten anywhere to speak of with therapy yet. The question is what type of therapy is indicated, and what diagnosis you might have, which of course indicates the therapy needed. And that has to be assessed in person, and preferably with some psychological testing as well.

Ideally, family therapy could be done, even if it starts with individual therapy, but this is not always feasible.
Some degree of PTSD is possible given the history, dissociation, and personality disorder. All of these come up right away, but one does not want to make a superficial diagnosis. [we do not diagnose or treat on the site, we answer questions].

So I would like to focus you here, since you have not asked a question, and since this is a question and answer site...what question did you actually mean to ask?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I'm sorry.


My question is how can I forgive my father for his ill-treatment towards me , and let it go?


Each time I think that Iv let go of the pain, some incident happens, and it leads me back to those memories

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
And where is your farther in this picture now?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

He's dead (as I mentioned earlier on)

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
So this is an internal conflict.
And it is not really your father at this point, it is you, and the aggression and anger has become yours, and you direct it to others. So that is where the work has to happen at this point. Until you take care of your self, not really possible to forgive your father, as you are carrying around the pattern of aggression which has to be released....from you. Basically, all therapy can be divided into core therapy and techniques to help achieve that therapy. Core therapy always involves learning how to feel one's emotions and process them, before jumping to conclusions or striking out, and then changing thought, perception and action based on this awareness. Techniques that help in the case of past trauma included, just as examples, hypnosis and EMDR.

Are you still with me here...and how would you assess your motivation and willingness to undergo therapy?
Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
Simply use reply to respond
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

omg for a psychiatrist, you're pretty sarcastic. Im reading up on EMDR-u dont expect me to know the jargon! There, you'v gone and wasted my response-well done.


well it is now 02h40 here and i cannot think straight. In how many hours will u be online again?

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
There is no sarcasm here at all.
I am completely serious in all of my suggestions and statements, no inference.

So far you have inferred that the site is fraudulent [your other post], that I am detracting from the topic [when I was not], and that I am sarcastic [when I am not at all, in fact I am very direct and to the point].

I am not trying to fool you or distract you at all. However, your responses indicate exactly the problem I am talking about, and fit in exactly with your anger problems. My next step is to suggest the type of therapy that you would need to undergo, based on the evidence base of therapies.

However, it will take my question was, what is your degree of motivation, as you see it?
Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
I am here daily, all day, EST.
So about 2PM to 4AM your time.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi -are u online?

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 4 years ago.
I am currently on line starting 8 am EST