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Dr. D. Love
Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 19449
Experience:  Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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Hi, I have a face book friend (male) who I went to primary

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Hi, I have a face book friend (male) who I went to primary school with and haven't seen since I was 10 years old, we are both now 43. He was quiet at school and I knew he had a crush on me. Although nothingever happened and we lost touch and to be honest I never gave him a second thought since leaving primary school. However since he has got intouch in recent years I find it amazing albeit a bit worrying that he remembers my birthdate my childhood phone numer and address. He often says how he remembers a dance we had together at school, valentines cards he sent and other things that happened during our school days. I remember none of this and don't really think I spent much time with him at all. Like I said I haven't seen him since leaving school but he regularly says how he's always there for me and how he will never forget get over me etc. He is married with children as am I although I haven't told my husband. I'm definitely not encouraging him but whenever I put anything on fb whether it be a status or comment on mutual friends statuses he always responds in minutes. Luckily he lives away from our home town but has suggested meeting up with others for a drink in the spring. I don't think I should go. I was just wondering why he seems to be clinging on to something that seems so trivial years ago. I now know he had a sad childhood and a difficult relationship with his mum who passed away this last year. Should I block him from my fb? He hasn't done anything wrong, but I don't think his behaviour is particularly normal. What's wrong with him? Thank you.
It will help if you could provide some further information:
Does his interaction with you cause you to feel uncomfortable?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

A little bit. It puts me off going on fb? He wished me happy valentines yesterday and said how he remembers sending me one all those years ago. But I'm more worried about him arranging a meeting, I don't want to go but don't know what to say so I don't offend him.

Well, there are several issues to consider in this situation.

First, the description that you provide does not indicate with any level of certainty that there is anything "wrong" with him. He apparently had a difficult childhood, and there may be some psychological scars related to that childhood, but that does not indicate that there is any mental health disorder present. It also appears that the limited interaction between the two of you meant far more to him at the time than it did for you, so it is not surprising that he remembers far more about that interaction than you remember. It certainly is possible that he could have a mental health disorder, but the information that you provide does not indicate that it is clearly present. He may simply be lonely, but that is not a mental health disorder.

At this point, the key issue is how you feel and what you want to do. If you do not want to meet him, then it is completely fine for you to say so. The best route is usually a direct, honest route, and simply say that you do not to have any interaction beyond facebook. At any point, if the interaction starts making you uncomfortable, even the interaction over facebook, then it would be appropriate for you to terminate the interaction and block him from your facebook page. But as long as you are comfortable with the amount of interaction that is occurring, there is no need for you to block him. If at any point in time, you feel that you are being forced into an action that you otherwise would not want to do, then it would be appropriate to terminate the relationship.

If you have any further questions, please let me know.

I notice that this question is still open, but I have not received any follow-up questions. If you desire any further information please let me know. If I have answered your question, please remember to provide a rating so that I am credited for assisting you.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Yes, you have sort of answered my question. Although I realise that if I was overly concerned then I would obviously block him. I probably chose a inappropriate word choice by asking what's 'wrong' with him. What I was trying to ask was, if this is common behaviour so I could understand it more. I just find it strange that he's fixated with events that happened when he was a little boy.

It is common that one person may have a much greater importance to certain events when growing up that another person considers to be trivial. Consequently, the first person may have far more vivid and complete memory of the interactions while the second person has little recollection of the events. It is not as common for two people in this situation to reconnect decades later, although before the advent of the internet and social media, the only way that it could have happened would be if the two people happen to run into each other again during their daily life.

It may be that you were the first girl with whom he was infatuated, so that he remembers everything about you. On the other hand, if you were not attracted to him, the details of your interactions was lost in the background of thousands of other incidents and memories that also occurred during that time, so dis not impress themselves into your memory.

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