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DrRussMD, Board Certified MD
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 65671
Experience:  Board certified Internal medicine and Integrative medicine. Many years of experience all areas.
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Hi, Actually my question is probably more about how to deal

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Hi, Actually my question is probably more about how to deal with / digest a Borderline Personality Disorder / Narcissistic 80 yr old mother and to pick up the pieces from her legacy of ruins. I've always been the scapegoat of the family (despite having been THE responsible kid) and have been alienated from it for ages (which, now a days does feel like it was probably a relatively good thing) besides rare intermittent contact with her. I have come to the conclusion that inviting her into my life is tantamount to inviting a drunkened elephant holding a baseball bat to practice pirouettes in a china store and am keeping very rare and low contact (<4 /yr.). Yet, I still spend many nights ruminating over her, “sort of wanting her” (of all things!) at 52 yrs. At the same time, I wish I’ll have the resolve not to be around when she’ll pass (though I may in fact not be able to be there even if I wanted to) but feel guilty about it either way. Also, I feel guilty and helpless to help her from the blood suckers (whose predatory approach disgust me) who have evidently caught on to her game of “purchasing attention” and whom, I fear, are depleting her resources (albeit with her blessings) -- and this despite the fact she's completely disowned me. I find myself wishing I had her indifference, night after night after night….! I can’t get this off of me like a parasite that won’t let go. I wish I could turn this page once and for all and move on. Looking forward to your response, Camille.
Thanks for the question.
The obvious question from my end is have you had any therapy?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Yes, a number of times throughout my life (some times it was very enlightening and helpful) the last time being about 4 years ago when I tried three different therapists and then gave up after a year and a half with the last one. I just didn't see where she was going not following up on home works she assigned etc… I live in Italy and I guess I’ve lost faith in Italian psychotherapists.

That is the treatment here however.

What type of therapy?
Were you ever presented with a methodology you could use?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

It was supposed to be cognitive behavioral therapy but it wasn't implemented systematically at all.


Thinking of it, at one point I was also prescribed anti anxiety medication but I feel that just made me irresponsible with deadlines. The sleep issue, at the time, was confounded by my then severe OSAS. So, I can't tell if it really helped -- I was always awaking and exhausted. Anyway, I'm not very keen on drugs.



I've tried mindfulness meditation with CD and it is relaxing but I have to spend hours on them before falling asleep from sheer exhaustion at 5 a.m.!


I'm wondering if there might be an online option with American of British therapists you might be able to propose?

No online options
osas? Tell me about that
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Obstructive Sleep Apnea Syndrome. Data from a polysonographic exam showed that I was having 78 obstructive episodes per hour.


It was a virtual window into old age. I was so exhausted I couldn't make sense of a sentence even if I red it 16 times!


I was prescribed a Bi-level Continuous Air Pressure Pumps which I used for a couple of years until I got nose and throat surgery and a gastric bi-pass which helped me to lose the weight and breath.


Now I'm down to 43 apneas in 65 minutes only when I sleep on my back. Currently,awaiting to experiment with a "night shift" device to place on my neck and which will vibrate to get me to turn to my side when I'm on my back.


Getting some sleep changed my life! But the time it takes me to fall asleep or go back to sleep when I awake interferes with both my productivity and happiness the next day. I've re-discovered sleep and so, I want to get more now :) -- just can't turn off my brain, I guess.



It sounds like you still have apnea to a degree..this is going to cause problems.

What is your height and weight now?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

161 cm

maintaining at 52-54.5 kg since November 2013.


Hypothyrodism controlled with med. Recent blood test show that it is within the norm.

Do you know what your most recent TSH value is?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Sorry for the delay I didn't see you had already responded.


I don't have the document right here but it was within the normal range indicated.


What do you think about the device the pneumologist want me to use to stay off my back when I sleep?


Would you know of an alternative. I'm thinking it's less than an ideal solution because after a day at the PC and all of the sports I do, a good long stretch flat on my back in bed feels just great!


Also, regarding the root of my night mental ruminations, do people ever get over their BPD/NPD parents? Is it true that there is no point in trying to reason her into less maladaptive modes?






Normal range does not cut it.
Over 1 can be hypothyroid for you, and normal is up to 4.5.
That is the problem, an endocrinologist would be helpful.
Try the device by all means.

Would you like some further suggestions?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Would the hypothyroid have an impact on my ability to sleep? Anyway, I guess I'll have a run at the endocrinologist.

Also, regarding the root of my night mental ruminations, do people ever get over their BPD/NPD parents? Is it true that there is no point in trying to reason my mother into less maladaptive modes?

Getting over ones parents is a life long process.
Yes hypothyrodism can affect your sleep. If not treated enough.
Or if treated too much.

I would still see nothing wrong with trying the device.

If you don't like meds , I suggest classical homeopathy, which is very good in this situation.

Use reply to let me know if you have further questions [click reply to expert].
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