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Dr. D. Love
Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 19320
Experience:  Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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Dear Doctor, I would be very grateful for some advise. I

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Dear Doctor,

I would be very grateful for some advise.

I am 40 years old and I have been out of work for sometime.
People, employers, friends they seem keen to give me a chance at first, to become friends, to offer me a job, but I seem to fall short of their expectations and they end up feeling disappointed, they don't contact me any more or in the case of a job .. to be made redundant.
I graduated with good marks but never been able to find a job in my field.
I then had a lucky spell working in sales and earning good salaries, but I changed 4 jobs in 7 years.
Socially and in relations with the other sex the situations have been very similar.
I tend to look for perfection and I'm quite critical.
There is a pattern and a truth behind the fact I have not been able to hold jobs and relations for very long all my life and I can't help feeling I am stuck in a rat.
Admittedly I am not the brightest tool in the box, I know I can be quite gullible, manipulated and that I come up with odd comments.
At time I realise this and most times I don't or I do only at a later stage.
It's like if I don't/can't think and I feel that on a conversational level most people are brighter/quicker then I am.
I feel that with age it is getting worse and my brain is slowing down, it takes me longer time to think and to formulate sentences.
I also have a terrible memory, forgetting names, things I need to do, etc.

I have been trying to look at the situation objectively so that I can at least try to address the issue but with no joy.
I feel isolated and unwanted and I am back to square one.
I need to understand if I am creating this situations and if there is a way to break the pattern or if indeed it is just down to my limitations and I should just accept who/what I am.

Many thanks whatever the answer.
Hello. I'm Dr. Phil, licensed and practicing internist. Excellent service is my goal.

Hi there. Are you depressed?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I'm not entirely sure, but I don't think so.

I have never been one of the most sparkling personalities and I do prefer my own space, but I am quite content with that.


What about female relationships?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

That's similar to my work scenario;

I used to go out with an Ukranian girl, the relation became quite "flat" and I started an online relation with a Thai girl that I visited a couple of times.

I am now still in contact with both but in reality with neither of them.. because they live in their own countries.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Are you still there?

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Phil,


Do you always walk out of your consultations just like that?

Unless you have an emergency..which you could have mentioned in a 2 line message.. this is going to get you an awful feedback.



I am sorry that the other expert had to go offline. I will note that sometimes I lose internet connection, so if he had a similar situation, it may not have been possible for him to leave you a short note.

As for your original question, Dr. Phil is correct that the most common cause of the symptoms that you describe would be a form of depression or anxiety that is also causing cognitive symptoms. However, while this is the most common cause, it would not be the only cause. There are conditions that can directly affect social interactions and certain cognitive functions, even while having good marks in school.

It certainly is possible that it could be the way that you are, as people can have certain personality traits, and if there are strong tendencies in personality traits that are causing difficulties in daily functioning, it may also be considered a personality disorder. Even in these situations, though, it is not necessary to accept that this is the way that you are, and counselling may be able to help you control certain personality tendencies.

At this point, it would be appropriate to pursue further evaluation to determine which, if any, of these conditions are present. Regardless of which situation is present, counselling would be appropraite to alter these patterns of behaviour.

If I can provide any clarification, please let me know.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Doctor Love,


I understand Phil is your colleague and you want to give him the benefit of the doubt; but please I am gullible only to an extent!

Are you saying that Phil has genuinely lost connection for longer then 1 hour while he is working? In a country like the US!? Never happened in the UK.

Anyway, let's move on:

Thanks for your assessment.

You are suggesting counselling as the way forward in either case;

but how does one establish if he is genuinely depressed or not prior to decide to go counselling?

As I mentioned I have not been working for sometimes and not in a financial situation to obtain counselling of a decent standard.


Many thanks

Obviously, I cannot definitely say what happened with Dr. Phil. I only note that internet connection can be lost at times.

First, it is not necessary to make a diagnosis prior to counselling, as one of the first goals of counselling may be to make a diagnosis if one has not been made..

However, if it is desireable to make a diagnosis prior to counselling, you can first see your primary care physician, who can make an initial evaluation, and may be able to make a diagnosis. Primary care physicians are typically more comfortable in diagnosing depression and anxiety, and are less likely to consider the other diagnoses, but can refer you to an appropriate site for further evaluation.

Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 19320
Experience: Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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