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Dr. Chip
Dr. Chip, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 35511
Experience:  20 yrs. in practice, includinge surgery, general medicine, addiction medicine and pain.
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Hi my almost 3 year old wont listed to me until I take action...for

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Hi my almost 3 year old won't listed to me until I take action...for example in the morning I tell her " its time to go to school so lets put our shoes on so we can go see all your friends" ... she will respond something like " I am coming soon Mama". I will then say it again but slightly less cheery and more like "shoes on its time for school". She will respond with "oooha mama I am playing or I am tired". the third request isn't a request but action of taking her to her shoes and putting them on which most days ends up with her on the floor screaming...once they are on however she is happy to hop on the bike and get going...singing all the way to school, kissing me good bye at the door and running in...Those fits however happen all the time at bath time, dinner time, bed time...outside when leaving the playground, having to sit still in a restaurant, sharing toys at friends house, not jumping on other peoples couches, holding hand when crossing the street etc. Anything you request of her or I request of her is turned down! and more than often does she end up on the floor screaming or just sitting and not husband is so "scared" of those tantrums in public than he avoids taking her to the park or anywhere in public really...we need help!!
Hi--first question--does she get any consequences for her behavior like taking away a privilege or something like that? In other words do you tell her if she doesn't stop she'll lose something important to her?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Yes- I put her in time out. I first give her a warning and then put her in time out for 3 minutes...not pointing any fingers but I have noticed my husband often gives empty threats such as "if you don't put your shoes on I will put you in bed" or "if you don't share your toys I will take you home" however she never ends up in that bed or at home as she will cry when "on the way there" and then get another chance...2 minutes later it's back to the same situations

And if you put her in time out does she then change her behavior?
Customer: replied 3 years ago. I suppose to put her in time out on the street? today for example we were off to buy new shoes and in the middle of the outing she decided she was too tired to walk and just rolled and crawled on the street

How do you react when she does that? Have you ever tried just ignoring her behavior?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

yes I have ignored it but that just results in her rolling on the floor for a very long period of time...time that I sometimes don't have. I never try to leave with little time but sometimes need to actually get from A to B

OK--and we can continue after this if you'd like. In general, kids her age do this for attention and if at all possible, as little attention you can give to the behavior the better. Second--empty threats--like with your husband--just undo any progress that might be made--he has to be firm. Third, acknowledge her good behavior--don't overpraise her but let her know you are proud of her proper behavior. In addition to the time outs, if there's something you can deprive her of for a time--games she likes to play, favorite foods, etc. that can also help. Kids tend to grow out of this in time
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