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Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 58747
Experience:  GP in the United States
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I am currently suffering from extreme stress as a result of

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I am currently suffering from extreme stress as a result of massive financial problems I have put myself and my partner in. This is most likely a case of loosing a home due to my actions, cover ups and inability to fix things in time. I dont know what to do, I cannot function at the moment and I have caused much pain and stress to my partner who I love very much and who is struggling with all of this too.
Hello. I'm Dr. Phil, licensed and practicing internist. Excellent service is my goal.
Thanks for this question
I'm so sorry this happened.
sometimes the best place to start is with a financial planner or bankruptcy attorney.
Have you been 100% honest with your partner at this point?
do you have a spending addiction?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

No I do not have a spending addiction or anything along those lines. I have not been entirely honest with my partner even to this day but how this starte; kept things to myself when it came to bills etc and kept telling him I had paid them when I had not, clearly there is much behind this to have created someone I dont even recognise and I am very ashamed of myself and the pain I have caused, things I can never take back. As far as lawyers etc we have gone down this path, this is much more about what I do next. Last night he told me if it comes to the forced sale of the house (which is very likely) he will never forgive me. I should explain I havve been in two previous marriages where I was the one lied to and betrayed financially and verbally abused I guess, now I have done the same to him as was done to me which I cannot accept, the fiancial part, not the abuse. I did have for the first time in my life a loving relationship which I have now damanged forever, I really dont know what to do

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

did you recieve my response to your reply?

Hi The other expert is off line. Are you asking how you might save your relationship?
Yes, I have received it.
I think the first step comes with complete disclosure.
It sounds like you want to save this relationship. The only way is through honesty
what else do you need to tell him?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Yes of course I want to save my relationship but I cant do that if I dont understand and save myself. I do not want to continue with this sabage of all that is good. I have run companies successfully so I know how to manage things but why did I allow myself to lie and cover up to this stage? All of this pain is of my own creation and this is what I am struggling with, why.,I dont want to continue this pattern, I have already endured so much pain with loss of children etc, why did I ruin my life and his like this, it is very difficult to live with

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

just wondering if anyone is going to reply to my last post? Thank you

So your question is why did you allow this to happen?
why did you lie to him?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

yes that is part of my question, why ?

I guess that boils down to a deep psychological issue with this person
Perhaps it is a fear of losing them?
is that accurate?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

No, we were very happy and I did feel secure with him, something I have not felt before in my previous relationships, yet, I created this and I would give anything to go back in time and do it over with honesty. I am hurt and I have hurt someone I love.

why do you think you did it?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I dont know but I can tell you there was a time when I was let down by him and I still feel anger about that but feel I have no entitlements to say anything as what I have done is so big and so damaging., I think it is a pattern of some kind of sabatage but I dont know, this is what I am asking you? I need help to understand my actions, I cannot move on in any way without understanding this. Surely your experience with dealing with people who do this can offer some help here?

how was your parent's relationship?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

My parents relationship is still loving and honest, always has been, He also comes from happily married parents, they have become very good friends

I agree that this is a form of sabotage but the question is why.
why are you sabotaging the relationship?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I don't know why, that is my question

This is a very complex issue that will take months of exploring with a therapist.
I think that is your next step
It must come from some kind of insecurity or self esteem issue
You sabotage maybe because you feel you don't deserve it or you are inadequate
Dr. Phil, MD, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 58747
Experience: GP in the United States
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