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Dr. D. Love
Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 19439
Experience:  Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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My BPD brother has accused my husband of insulting his wife

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My BPD brother has accused my husband of insulting his wife and has told all the family. He expects to stay on good terms with me, and to meet up with me, while treating my husband now as if he doesn't exist. How do I cope with this? My husband would prefer me not to see my brother any more because of his ongoing manipulative behaviour including causing a lot of family damage including accusing my sister of stealing from an aunt and regularly writes accusatory rants to my mother who never replies or sees him now and turning family members against one another. I don't know whether to take my husband's advice or not as I do love my brother.
Hello from JustAnswer.

There is no single answer that is correct for all families and situations. Only you can decide whether it is time to severe ties with your brother, or whether it would need to be permanent or could be temporary.

However, if you desire to continue the relationship with your brother, there would usually need to be some willingness on his part to alter his behavior. If your brother is unwilling to change, then it may be necessary to break the relationship with him, at least for a while.

As for how to cope with such situation, it may help for the family member of someone with BPD to receive counselling, both to help the family member realize what approach would be best and to help cope with such decisions.

If I can provide any clarification, please let me know.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you. One of my problems is that my husband is not well and this has added to his troubles - worrying about both the slanders, the cousins who believe them, (as does my brother's wife) and anxiety that he will get more nasty letters. He is also worried about me as my sister had a breakdown after sustained horrible treatment from him but I am not emotionally vulnerable as she is. I just want to support my husband but not feel guilty about breaking contact with my brother. Should I get counselling from a psychotherapist or which kind of specialist?

All of these are factors to consider in this situation, and the exacerbation of your husband’s health is a strong consideration supporting that there needs to be at least a temporary break from your brother.

Either a psychotherapist or a family counsellor would be fine.
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