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Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 58750
Experience:  GP in the United States
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I have concerns about my future daughter in law who lives in

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I have concerns about my future daughter in law who lives in America with my son and who visits with him once a year but this year twice up to present. She talks continuously about anything and everything usually to my husband who she touches a lot during conversation - I have expressed my concern about this together with sexual connertatins when we are altogether and more recently a sexual conversation with my husband which I overheard when they were sitting alone. When my husband and I are having a minor dispute she steps in defending him. I have in the past tried to explain to her she must keep out of our disputes as I do when my son and her are having words. Approximately six months ago I discovered that she had told lies to my other daughter in law about things that I had supposed to have said to gain favour with her and show me up in a bad light. She is a very controlling person and altogether I feel she is trying to control my family her in England. I am very concerned and upset about the whole situation and would appreciate your advice on how to deal with this.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I would like to know how to deal with the above problem

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I would like advice on how to deal with the above situation which seems to be getting out of hand.

This is quite common.The daughter in law tries to alienate the mother.It is a power struggle. What have you tried so far?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Not speaking to my son too often on the 'phone and basically trying to leave them to it.

Also we have had the most viscious exchange of words on quite a few occasions when we are together and I feel she is trying to gain my husband on her side and push me away completely

that is very possible. Have you and your husband discussed it?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Yes we have and he feels her sexual comments were inappropriate but thinks I am making a big fuss over nothing which has resulted in us being at loggerheads - I have made it quite that I will not visit America again until this problem is resolved. I have tried speaking to my daughter in law in a calm manner but she only shouts and gets very aggitated.

perhaps that is the correct way to approach don't want to lose contact with your son over thiseven if it is inappropriate (which it certainly is)