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Ask Dr. D. Love Your Own Question
Dr. D. Love
Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 19314
Experience:  Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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A friend of mine (single mum -9 yr old grl) has started seeing

Customer Question

a friend of mine (single mum -9 yr old grl) has started seeing a new man for dates in a kind of sugar-daddy type arrangement... tonight she asked me to call her after 1 hr coz she didnt feel safe with him. he has been stalking her - found out her home residence from her phone no.(?) and has apparantly become obessed with warning her she is in some kind of grave danger so that he needs to be parked out side her house...when he has escalated this threat to repeatedly honking the cars horn to get her to meet him - on initial further refusal HE said he would have to then call the police to protect her .. she went to meet him at a new netral public place (and called me for that help) <her actual boyfriend then called her to tell her that he returned to her flat to find it surrouned by protection police (stalker man had called them)...she has told me he has a history of mental health issues that include being institutionalised (unclear what for or for what period) as recently as in the last to years - and there was some talk of a possible ambulance assesment as recently as 3 days ago... he flips between calling her an angel and evil but constantly begs to see her and that only she can help him.. shes met him 4 times only i am incredibly concerned for her safety if she continues any contact what-so-ever but she thinks (insists) by meeting / talking to him on the phone - she can help him ... please help and explain a clear course of action that can protect her and help him... thank you. Ben Raumann (camden town , london)
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 2 years ago.
Hello from JustAnswer.
Do you know whether he is currently seeing a doctor or counselor for ongoing care of mental health issues?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

i dont know any more than ive stated im afraid. but part of my medical studies at st catherines oxford 20 yrs ago now, included by my design alot of pysch disorder stuff (i even co-authored a paper in the brit journ pysch pharm (i think!!)) even though i didnt go into clinical work - and never have practiced pyschiatric (or any) medicine ...i believe there could well be a great risk to either her physically or him mentally if she thinks maintaining contact at his behest (in a non clinical or secured environment- i stopped her going to meet him at a pub at midnight tonight!) - and if thats the case she should be made fully aware of a safe way to approach this situation - explained by a professional...not me

Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 2 years ago.
You are correct and that is why I asked about whether he is seeing a doctor or counsellor.

In her situation, the paramount issue is maintaining her safety. It is good that she would like to help him, but it should always be in the context of being safe.

The ideal method could only occur if he is regularly seeing a doctor or counsellor. If so, then she can ask whether she can accompany him to his next appointment. It would be impossible for her to make an assessment of his mental health, so she would then have the benefit of the assessment of the doctor or counsellor. In addition, since there is a broad range of interventions, both behavioural and medicines, that can be used for treatment, it is important that her action complement whatever interventions are being used in treatment. His doctor or counsellor would be better able to assess how she can best be involved by complementing and augmenting his current treatment, as well as assuring that she is being safe.

Unfortunately, many people with mental illness are not seeking appropriate care, and an ambulance assessment is very limited, usually to whether there is any acute danger to himself or others. If he is not seeing a doctor or counsellor or is unwilling for her to accompany him to his next appointment, then the behaviour that he has expressed to this point should be frightening to her, and she should avoid contact with him except in group settings in which other people that she can trust are present.

Once there is a longer history with him, then contact and privacy may evolve, but at the present time, she should proceed very cautiously.

If I can provide any further information, please let me know.