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Dr. K.
Dr. K., Board Certified MD
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 4821
Experience:  Board certified with experience in primary care.
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I'm concerned that my girlfriend has BPD or Borderline Personality

Customer Question

I'm concerned that my girlfriend has BPD or Borderline Personality disorder. I'm finding something not quite right after a couple of years of a long distance relationship. She is usually very loving, caring, a great listener but has these ferocious mood swings almost instantly over virtually nothing and seems prone to anger with outbursts and spontaneous behaviour. I don't think she has ever been diagnosed with anything, but I cannot be the first to notice.
She admitted her mum behaves much the same way and is better now, but doesn't know what medication she takes. I questioned her a bit more and it seems that her Dad has found her mother behaviour difficult to deal with.
The issue is here is that I care very much, but this mood flipping is getting too much for me now and as we are serious and thinking about a family together, I am concerned that she has something akin to BPD or EUPD. The swings get really frustrating and I felt I could tolerate them but now the thought of being together 24/7 is scary. Some other behaviour includes wanting big meals, coming out with phrases that seem out of context - phrases such as "I hate you" or “I'm angry” or “I’m hungry”, or “Am I pretty?”.
She is also keen to be very close to me and likes to have a lot of contact with me, even though we visit each other a lot, we do not live in the same country - it's a 1.5 hour flight away. We stay in contact a lot my messenger and phone. I have also found she has been trying to break into my phone and laptop to read messages. She is also rather obsessed by past partners to the point it seems like she is stalking them on Facebook.
She gets angry very quickly and can see the stress in her body with clenches fists and body language. She then calms down, but I often have no idea why she got angry. It seems, so she says that she latches onto something I may say that she doesn't like - doesn't sound perfect and this causes some kind of conflict for her. I once woke up to her repeatedly calling me stupid when I was asleep. I've tried to be as supportive, and she seems very attentive, very keen to help and quite supportive, but these mood swings seem to an issue that is not going to subside. She’s very sensitive and loving but can seem overwhelmed very easily - when I was sick recently with a nasty cold, so offered no sympathy for me and seemed to switch between some kind of disgruntled care and none. She admitted afterwards that she felt she had to capacity to deal with anyone else’s emotion. Obviously I’m concerned because a child would need unconditional help, no moodiness but love and affection. I’m still a bit shocked by the whole issue.
I'm really concerned now that I may not be able to cope any longer and my patience will wear too thin. It feels like I'm dealing with a teenager (she is 30 years old) and recently my mother took issue with her and he childlike behaviour.
What can I do, I wonder what it is and whether I should just call it a day and move on, despite the fact I love and care for her a great deal, the projected otherwise future feels bleak.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. K. replied 2 years ago.
Well your GF has not yet seen a psychiatrist and has not yet asked for help It sounds like there are huge unresolved problems, so it sure does not sound like starting a family together would be a good idea at all. I would encourage her to see a Dr, to get a diagnosis. If she refuses, there would be your answer, and yes its best to move on. Even with an answer, a diagnosis of BPD for example, the prognosis is not good. About 90 percent of marriages in which one partner is bipolar end in divorce. Sorry for the bad news, but I am sure you prefer the truth.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I don't think she has bipolar disorder at the mood swings are too rapid, hence in minutes, so I was thinking that it was more along the lines of a personality disorder. I have brought it up before, but she thinks there isn't anything wrong. I refer to her as 'bonkers' bit its become a bit of a joke. I don't know how much of her behaviour could be an act - i.e. being playful and how much is really uncontrollable.
Expert:  Dr. K. replied 2 years ago.
A borderline personality disorder would also be possible and my advice would be exactly the same. She doesnt sound playful at all to me. :)