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Ask Dr. D. Love Your Own Question
Dr. D. Love
Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 19308
Experience:  Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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I suffer from intrusive thoughts, images, voices, scenes and

Customer Question

I suffer from intrusive thoughts, images, voices, scenes and words. Once an intrusive thought appears I have to think of a protective thought against the intrusive thought, this takes hours sometimes half a day to accomplish because the intrusive thought overshadows my protective thought. While I'm in this thought battle more thoughts will appear but I have to then work backwards so if 5 thoughts appear I have to deal with the 5th thought first then all the way back to the 1st. If I have managed to deal with the 5th, 4th, and 3rd thought but then my 2nd thought gets overshadowed I then have to start again from the 5th thought. I get very frustrated because its time consuming and I just can't think of the protective thought without them being overshadowed. So I have to back off for a few minutes just to fresh my mind because when I'm in these thought battles the intrusive thoughts are just to dominant. When I look at the clock and its on a certain number my mind decides weather I can continue with my protective thought. If a thought appears I have to stay where I am because that's where the intrusive thought appeared, if I hear a siren on an emergency vehicle I have to stop with the thoughts and then carry on once it has drove by. The situations are infinite and Iv'e had enough to be honest. I've dealt with this for a very long time in secret because I'm able to act normal around people, there are times when I feel like lashing out so people can see how much I'm suffering but I don't worry knowone. Especially when I was at work, I've recently been made redundant and I'm actually relieved in a way. I worked in a warehouse which involved alot of counting but soon as I would count things intrusive thoughts would appear so I had to keep recounting because that's where the thoughts appeared. If people were around I had to pretend I lost count but if the thoughts would keep overshadowing as I was counting I would have to finish my count and then think of my protective thought after I'd finished, otherwise people would think I'm crazy. If I was in a particular area in the warehouse and a thought appeared I had to stay there until I had thought of a protective thought, but again if people were around I had to continue doing what I was doing while thinking of a thought. If knowbody was around then I would go back to the same area again. It's remarkable how I've suffered in silence and how I act normal in front of people but it's driving me insane I just can't think straight. I get this whirlwind of anxiety and there's no escaping that, breathing techniques have little effect if any. The only way to get rid of the anxiety is by eventually thinking of my protective thought because I get that feeling of relief instantly, backing off for a few minutes sometimes reduces it but then it comes back again because my mind knows I have to think of the protective thought. But I do handle the anxiety I always have done. Trying to read is intruded by voices in my head which then turn into noise I don't even know what the voices are, another thing that is distracting is music or certain lyrics from a song that plays in my head over and over It's happening now and I'm finding it difficult to think straight. Sometimes as soon as I wake up I will have music in my head. My thoughts are that prolonged I end up going to bed around 6am in the morning sometimes even later. I have recently had 12 weeks of counselling but I'm still in the same situation as I was before, I actually felt like a failure when I had not made progress, I feel as know I was letting him down and as though I was wasting his time. That wasn't the case what so ever but put yourself in my shoes its not easy and when the thoughts are none stop it's hard in fact I'm trapped inside my own mind. When I look at certain objects my mind automatically recognizes them and then a thought will appear sometimes it will be a protective thought but if that gets overshadowed then I'm in another thought battle just by looking at an object so there is no avoiding it. I do have suicide to fall back on by buying a car and parking it in a garage peacefully, but not because of my mental illness, it's because I strained my voice in 2003 and its never been the same since. And my other reason is my hair I started to lose my hair years ago and I'm hoping to have a hair transplant. If I can get these 2 issues sorted then it will save my life. That's why I don't socialize anymore because I can't be myself. But I couldn't be happier I prefer to do my own thing.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 1 year ago.
Hello from JustAnswer. It is not clear what question you are asking. If you are asking what would be the next step in treatment, it would be reasonable to consider the use of medicines, either alone or in combination with additional counseling. Consultation with a Psychiatrist would be the next step. If you are asking a different question, please clarify what information would be helpful.