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Ask Dr.Shakeel Ansari Your Own Question
Dr.Shakeel Ansari
Dr.Shakeel Ansari, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 248
Experience:  MBBS, Diploma clinical Neurology
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Id really appreciate if someone could provide me with some

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Id really appreciate if someone could provide me with some advice as to how I should discuss my mental health situation with my girlfriend

Hi, this is Dr Ansari, welcome to JA.

This is a very touchy thing to discuss as you may get an angry response, however, you have to approach her with some examples of persons behaving like her, say in a drama or movie. Don't tell her directly what is in your mind but let her observe.

You can try this link as well: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/

Customer: replied 11 days ago.
Just to give some more background to my situation, around 9 months ago a relative of mine passed away leaving me a considerable inheritance which I used to get a mortgage on a flat in Bristol. This was a very unexpected situation and not what I had in mind for my current path but it all kind of happened very quick and seemed appropriate so I went with it. During this I have been dating a girl who is diagnosed with BPD for around a year and a bit now and she was living in a really negative, trauma based environment in her old home and due to the unexpected situation I came into we discussed moving her into my spare room to try help her get out the negative environment and to start a fresh somewhere new. However, due to her diagnosis we discussed the need for her to seek professional help while here as she wouldnt have the same friendship support network where I live and I knew that I couldnt be her entire support down here. But after moving in and settling down she decided she doesnt actually need any help and that if I just love her enough then we wont experience issues. Yet weve experienced constant issues with very regular arguments, fall outs, high intense emotions and so on which has absolutely drained me to the point I just dont know how to feel about her anymore which makes me feel disgustingly guilty but I just dont seem able to rid myself of this angst around our relationship. She seems to be able to go in and out of serious arguments like its nothing and it doesnt seem to affect her all too much but it is really affecting me and Ive begged her to get some professional help with me to find the right structures and means to be able to communicate healthily and to be sure we are working through these issues and not just burying them and she again agreed but since has done nothing to follow up on it. I am honestly feeling like im at breaking point with what to do as I want to help her and to make this relationship work but I dont believe she really wants help and she still believes this is a healthy relationship and im honestly just lost as to what I should do now because my mental health is deteriorating and my job / social life is becoming greatly affected so I want to just be done with this and protect myself but I cant seem to let go of the fact that I do love her and I sincerely ***** ***** help which leaves me stuck in this intermediate point of overwhelming emotion and confusion. Can you give me any advice on what to do or do you recommend I just keep going ahead with finding a treatment in my area and seeing if they can help?

That's great that you thought of her wellbeing and health. BPD require a complete set of therapy under a psychiatrist, She is taking any medications?

Customer: replied 11 days ago.
No she is not currently taking anything for it nor is she getting any support outside our relationship

She needs Treatment and cares both so you have to take her to a Psychiatrist and contact social support and guidance: Social care and support guide - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

Customer: replied 11 days ago.
Thankyou so much for this, just as a personal question im struggling with; if she refuses to seek help with me isit wrong for me to ask her to leave to protect my mental health even if it means she has to go back to a negative environment?

No sir you are doing a great job, you are a real gentleman. Keep helping her without her getting aware of it.

Dr Ansari

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