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Dr. D. Love
Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 19335
Experience:  Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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I dont know how to describe but my fiance, got engaged with

Customer Question

I dont know how to describe but my fiance, got engaged with me but not willing to get married or even think about it! I lost all my friends cause of his jokes and the way of his behavior toward others, im from a middle east country but he has no passion to know or learn about a single thing regarding my culture, my country my religion and always joke and laugh about it when i get upset, when listening to music it only must be the songs he choose and if i ask for one he lies that i have heard or say i hate this song, im get embaressed between even his friends as his jokes and talk even i say 1000 times i dont like his swears or sexual talking he never listen... he is very inteligent and successful in his job... recently we have so many fights and i feel im left with no one... please help
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Shantal-Mod replied 1 year ago.
I'm Shantal and I'm a moderator for this topic.
I've been working hard to find a Professional to assist you with your question, but sometimes finding the right Professional can take a little longer than expected.
I was checking to see if you had already found your answer or if you still need assistance from one of the Professionals.
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Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 1 year ago.

Hello from JustAnswer.

Can I be of assistance?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
please i like to have an answer if there is one..
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 1 year ago.

It will help if you could first provide some further information.

Your original post listed many negatives about this relationship.

What are the positive aspects of this relationship?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He is very inteligent and good in his job, so his IQ memory is so good but my memory is bad so sometimes we have fight that why i dont remember the name of the song he played or the resturant we went even he knows i have dyslexia,,,, he is a kind good person, sometimes generous ,, he is helpful when his friends have problem with their jobs,,, we laugh and joke he is funny,,,im calm and always lack in energy,he has high energy can say hyper but not in body action,, he forgive quick
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am so got used to being with him and living with him, i kind of cant leave him but at the same time suffering i dont no what to do if i leave him and its like how function infront of people
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 1 year ago.

There are several issues to consider in this situation.

First, it is unlikely that you can't leave him. It is more likely that you do not want to leave him or are frightened to leave him. Second, the general tone of your original post sounds like it would be difficult for this relationship to be maintained for a long period of time, and asking about the positive aspects of the relationship does not seem to have the same depth of positive energy to offset the amount of negative energy in the first post. Obviously, this is a very short representation of the relationship, so it is impossible to draw substantive conclusions, but the initial impression is that the negative energy far outweighs the positive energy.

There are two levels at which this situation should be addressed. It will probably help you to seek individual counseling. This counseling can help you to gain confidence in yourself and to support you as you address the issues that are present in your relationship with your fiance. If you have to struggle with deciding how much to compromise for this relationship or whether to seriously consider ending the relationship, counseling can support you through these difficult issues.

As for the relationship with your fiance, you need to be able to stand up for what you want in the relationship. Only you can decide what is important to you (although the counseling that I noted above can help you to decide what is important to you). Some desires for the relationship are obviously going to be more or less important to you compared to others. It is appropriate and necessary for some level of compromise, particularly for the things that are less important to you. However, there has to ultimately be a willingness to terminate the relationship if your needs and desires are not met, or at least considered in determining a compromise course of action. Every couple has to work out their dynamics of how they resolve differences of opinion or reach compromises, but if every issue is resolved how he wants it, then it is unusual for the relationship to be fulfilling for you. Most couples are able to resolve these issues among themselves, but some couples will do better with marriage counseling.

So, the first thing that would be reasonable would be for you to seek individual counseling, and then with the support of this counseling, then you can discuss that larger issues with your fiance.