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SREED177, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 220
Experience:  I have a Master's In Marriage and Family Therapy, and have been in the field for 4 years.
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i have a son with an ex partner,my son is 4 and his dad has

Customer Question

i have a son with an ex partner,my son is 4 and his dad has been in and out of his life,pays £5 a week and has him one day a week for tea occasionally when he's ina good mood. however since meeting my new partner 3 years ago my ex partner has caused numerous problems for me... after 6 months my son started my current partner dad and this didnt go down well with the ex,since then i have to deal with threats ,sexually explicit messages off the ex partner and him spreading rumours about. its only recently i had one of his family at my front door verbally abusing me and threatening me,i had to inform the police. i want to cut all contact with all of the family as there is alot of violence and anomosity and hatred towards me as his mother. what should i do ?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  SREED177 replied 4 years ago.

It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation. First you have to think what is best for your child. And only you can determine that. IF you choose to keep your ex in
your child's life then there must be some changes. The way you can determine that if it is the best thing for the child, is if you child has a good relationship with
him. You would not want to be the one to take you ex from your child's life; your child may resent you for it. But you do have to find a way to handle it so that you are not stressed. First, have you considered court mediation? Through
this process you can set forth standards of how your ex visits your son. This includes not having his family contact you; call you, or any of the above difficult things that you mentioned. Since it is a court document, that should not violate it. I also think that you two can benefit from co-parenting counseling. This is counseling that would teach you two to learn how you can parent together without it becoming stressful. As counseling progresses your current partner can come to counseling to
determine how he best fits in the picture. So that all parties can get along.

IF you chose not to have your ex in your son's life. Then you do have that right. I understand because you do not want to be stressed out by these situations. I
would first try the above things before cutting off all communication. It may be really beneficial to try counseling and mediation first, to see if you two can get on the same page. As for your son, your son will see his father for what he really is, if his father is given a chance and does not take it. You do not want to remove his father
from his life, because the child may come to think that it is your fault that
he does not have his father. You really want the child to see this for himself.