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JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1030
Experience:  25+ years working with familes and 6 children of my own.
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My child is 2 next month and is having major tantrums over

Customer Question

Hi, my child is 2 next month and is having major tantrums over everything, wont eat at meal times and is smacking me and his daddy and other children! Any advice?
Submitted: 5 months ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.
Hello. Welcome to the terrible twos! That is honestly our excuse for bad behavior. This is actually the time we mold our kids the most. Their personality and character are pretty much determined by age 3. It is tough. Give me sone time and I will give you some pointerS.
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.
Below are some guidelines that might be helpful. Please look over them and ask any question.EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE:•Clear Expectations - make sure your children know what your expectations are and what will happen if they do or don’t do what you say .•Communicated Effectively - Say what you mean, mean what you say, but never be mean with what you say. Remain calm and do not yell, Results are much more effective than rage.•Consistent Results - The same results for the same behavior every time no matter what•Logical Consequences - The punishment should fit the crime. He does not share, he does not play. He doesn’t put it up, he loses it.•Reasonable Constraint - Do not over discipline. Always leave room for further discipline as well as for Improvement.•Covered with Love - No matter what he does, make sure he knows he’s loved.
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.
This is something else you might try.
Over the years I have worked with many a wayward child, ranging in age from three to eighteen with issues ranging from lying to attempted homicide. The parents report having tried everythingt (at least the good ones do). They have disciplined them, defended them, and even bribed them, yet nothing seems to work. Their child is simply out of control.Almost without fail, within a few weeks of regular counseling sessions, there has been notable improvement in their behavior and attitude. Not necessarily miraculous improvement, but notable improvement.A part of me would like to brag that this improvement is due to some great skillful manipulation on my part. I no doubt use various techniques and approaches, yet any success seems more in spite of my efforts than it does as a result.I am convinced that my success is more related to my presence than it is my clinical savvy. It is an accepted understanding that success in therapy is 80% relational and 20% clinical. My experience is that this is true.My question is, if this is true for the therapist does it hold true for the parent as well? Does successful parenting have more to do with relationship than it does with discipline and techniques. My observation is a resounding yes!I have observed on numerous occasions love covers a multitude of sins. I have seen parents that discipline too harsh, yet with love, and love has won out. I have seen parents that were apparently too lenient, yet they have loved, and love has won out. At the same time I have seen parents apparently get it all right, yet without love, and in the end, failed as parents.To develop that relationship between you and your child I encourage you to spend regularly scheduled U.N.I.Q.U.E. Time with him/her. This is time dedicated to developing your relationship with your child as well as giving your child the positive attention needed to grow into secure confident young adults.U.N.I.Q.U.E. Time is• Unique time spent doing something unique to you and your child. You may differ in so many ways, yet this is a time devoted to maybe that one thing you share uniquely in common.• No Pressure to Perform or Please. It is not about winning or losing, but instead about the time spent together.• Interactive between Participants. It is doing something that involves interaction, whether it be a game, fishing, or even hunting. It simply must be done in a way that involves communication and give and take on the part of both participants.
• Quality vs Quantity: Much has been said concerning the importance of quantity in parenting. I don't argue with that in general terms. Concerning U.N.I.Q.U.E. Time, Quality is much more important than Quantity. It is about giving your child your all and your best on a weekly or even monthly basis. Give them something to remember.• Unconditional Positive Regard - This is not about discipline or even instruction. It is about connecting. Your child deserves your undivided attention and positive interaction with no strings attached.• Enjoyable to Both Participants. A child should not have to beg a parent or guardian to spend time. The parent should look forward to this as much as the child. I promise they sense a fake too.In years to come, when you are likely dead and gone, your child will not remember specific times of discipline most likely. They will remember hopefully the lessons taught but likely not the specifics of the lesson given.They will remember these unique times though or the lack thereof. They will appreciate your taking time to care. It is these U.N.I.Q.U.E. Times that will qualify the discipline and wisdom.
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.
Does all that make sense?
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Thank you, ***** ***** tried time outs, ignoring, cuddling nothing works. I spend a lot of time one on one with him however he still hits me and smacks others.
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
We can be playing nicely then he just smacks me
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.
Say no, immediately stop what you’re doing, put him in time out. This could take six months to a year, but eventually he’ll get it.
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.
Pull his hand away, say stop in a calm commanding tone, stop what you are doing immediately, and put him in timeout. It may take 6 months or even a year, but he’ll eventually get it.
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.
Sorry for the repeat. I had a weak signal so sent it twice.