Get Parenting Questions Answered by Parenting Counsellor Online
Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm carefully reviewing your post now, and I am sorry to know about this distressful situation.
COuld you please tell me more about your daughter, her distress, mood and behavioral changes towards this friend, and what she has told/shown you/your wife, and how have you reacted to what she has reported/experienced?
Thank you for all these details.
Please know that while sexual exploration, discovery, and play are normal part of sexual development and maturity in children, the specific behavior you described here, including the use of porn is not healthy for children this young, and most times do not show natural sexual development but learned behavior from other people or the media, which usually distort healthy sexual development.
You and your wife need to directly address this issue with this child's parents since they show she is actively using porn, which is never intended to be used by minors and leading other children to engage in sexual behavior that is not healthy for any of them.
Your roles as parents is to fully validate your daughter's feelings, concern and distress because of these experiences, confirm that it is not healthy the use of such material by children their age and that she did the right thing confronting her friend's behavior and telling you about it, for you to talk to her parents.
Does it make sense?
No form of punishment will help but backfire giving her the wrong message. Most children will hide these events out of fear, which will always hurt them at multi[ple levels. Feel grateful your daughter trusts you this much, acknowledge, validate and reinforce her assertiveness, for her to keep doing that, showing her you are there to unconditionally support her.
Be mindful, careful and accountable about their access and use of multimedia /digital devices, and how other people, like friends, neighbors or even relatives interact with them, since most episodes of neglectful/abusive sexual behavior come from those close to the victim and not from strangers.
Correct, both, you and your wife need to ensure your daughter trust you, and feel comfortable and safe, understood and supported about any distressful situation. So your wife's response was assertive. Now your behavior needs to consistently match your wife's words, showing understanding, caring, and support. It was not your child's fault what happened. Make it clear that the other girl needs support, and that you will address that with her parents.
I wonder if you read my response and if it answered your question.
You're very welcome. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible.
You can contact me using this direct link to my profile https://www.justanswer.com/mental-health/expert-rafael-therapist/, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.
Also know that I do provide confidential counseling/psychotherapeutic support via Premium Services, which is implemented via Skype or phone call, in case you feel comfortable with me and would like to discuss in more detail this or any other concern, as well as the best approach to work on it.
Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care,