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Rafael-E-Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 9936
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Dear Dr Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do.

This answer was rated:

Dear Dr
Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: Hi i have 10 years old girl. last night she was on stress and when she went on her bed for sleep told me to come I need to talk to you after that she said mum do you remember a few weeks ago one of our family friend (same age) was here, i said ok, she ask me lets see some porn video and we can touch our body to experience good feeling but as my daughter said she refuse it but she was on shame by herself from that they
Assistant: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: She explain everything last night but i didnt shout or punished here i said lets talk about it after your school (today) and honestly I dont know what I have to do in this situation.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
one more thing on the day after of this conversation between two girls we went to another friends house they have same age girl too, she ask from her again lets watch some porn but my daughter ignore her and told her is not good to say that dont do it again and now i find out why my girl rejecting my request when im asking her lets go for example park zahra(the girl who ask for watching porn) is there . If she know she is in same place as we going she is not coming anymore
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Sorry)) i have to mention when zahra ask her to see video she played and they watch a few minutes
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Im her dad im telling this all because my wife explained to me sorry im explaining part by part

Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm carefully reviewing your post now, and I am sorry to know about this distressful situation.

COuld you please tell me more about your daughter, her distress, mood and behavioral changes towards this friend, and what she has told/shown you/your wife, and how have you reacted to what she has reported/experienced?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Dear Rafael, thanks for reply to help. I have to say about behavioral change to this friend she prefer to Not be in contact with her for example we all invited to one of our friends birthday but my daughter ask me is she (zahra) coming to birthday? I don't like to be with her in any party or playground . She told us about incident happened a-few weeks ago as "friend" ask me lets see porn video and she played a video between two adult (one man one woman) but my daughter didn't tell me what exactly they watch on video just she mentioned one man one woman. After that we went to one of our friend and she have same age girl (4-5 month younger) and person who asked my daughter ask to this one again to lets watch porn but my daughter said to her is not good to say that she is younger than us and is not good to do this. Honestly when she reported to her mother she was shocked but she didn't act badly to her just she ask her to explain and her mother told her why you didn't tell me before and she said i want to do but i was scared but as i promised to you to report everything I'm telling you now everything
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
her mum told her we will talk about it tomorrow ,

Thank you for all these details.

Please know that while sexual exploration, discovery, and play are normal part of sexual development and maturity in children, the specific behavior you described here, including the use of porn is not healthy for children this young, and most times do not show natural sexual development but learned behavior from other people or the media, which usually distort healthy sexual development.

You and your wife need to directly address this issue with this child's parents since they show she is actively using porn, which is never intended to be used by minors and leading other children to engage in sexual behavior that is not healthy for any of them.

Your roles as parents is to fully validate your daughter's feelings, concern and distress because of these experiences, confirm that it is not healthy the use of such material by children their age and that she did the right thing confronting her friend's behavior and telling you about it, for you to talk to her parents.

Does it make sense?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Rafael, do we need to prize her because she report us or punished her because of late report?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
what explanation we need to do today after school?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
secondly she asked from her mum please do not tell to dad. But i asked from her mother to tell her we are family and let me to speak and report it to your dad too, as we have friendly happy family mood

No form of punishment will help but backfire giving her the wrong message. Most children will hide these events out of fear, which will always hurt them at multi[ple levels. Feel grateful your daughter trusts you this much, acknowledge, validate and reinforce her assertiveness, for her to keep doing that, showing her you are there to unconditionally support her.

Be mindful, careful and accountable about their access and use of multimedia /digital devices, and how other people, like friends, neighbors or even relatives interact with them, since most episodes of neglectful/abusive sexual behavior come from those close to the victim and not from strangers.

Correct, both, you and your wife need to ensure your daughter trust you, and feel comfortable and safe, understood and supported about any distressful situation. So your wife's response was assertive. Now your behavior needs to consistently match your wife's words, showing understanding, caring, and support. It was not your child's fault what happened. Make it clear that the other girl needs support, and that you will address that with her parents.

I wonder if you read my response and if it answered your question.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Dear Rafael , many many thanks for your help, this conversation is helpful for us , kind regards

You're very welcome. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible.

You can contact me using this direct link to my profile, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.

Also know that I do provide confidential counseling/psychotherapeutic support via Premium Services, which is implemented via Skype or phone call, in case you feel comfortable with me and would like to discuss in more detail this or any other concern, as well as the best approach to work on it.

Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care,


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