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JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2171
Experience:  25+ years working with familes and 6 children of my own.
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I have a sweet 9.5 age son. I don't know how to deal the

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Hi,
I have a sweet 9.5 age son. I don't know how to deal the following with him:
1. Failing to follow routine
2. Disagreement/argument around instructions wanting to do on way/shortcut
3. when explained something, tries to convince from own mind
4. not meeting our expectation on responsibility
5. Missing big brother care/consideration to sibling
6. Absence of social etiquette
7. fussy eating
8. messy and needs constant reminderI sometimes get angry as I being frustrated as I don't know how to get him to comply to the above
Hello, my name is*****’m looking over your question right now I will get back with you very quickly.
It is very frustrating to have a child you care so much about, but at the same time have to deal with his disrespect and disobedience. It is not out of the ordinary for a boy his age to start trying to prove his manhood. Somehow, we have got to figure out how to mold him Without beating him down. Lower some pointers that I hope will be helpful. Please feel free to ask any further questions.
EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE:•Clear Expectations - make sure your children know what your expectations are and what will happen if they do or don’t do what you say .•Communicated Effectively - Say what you mean, mean what you say, but never be mean with what you say. Remain calm and do not yell. Results are much more effective than rage.•Consistent Results - The same results for the same behavior every time no matter what•Logical Consequences - The punishment should fit the crime. He does not share, he does not play. He doesn’t put it up, he loses it.•Reasonable Constraint - Do not over discipline. Always leave room for further discipline as well as for Improvement.•Compliment the Positive - pMake it more rewarding for him to obey than to disobey. Reward positive behavior with a word of praise. Don’t overreact to the negative.•Covered with Love - No matter what he does, make sure he knows he’s loved.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you, ***** ***** I instill good life disciplines . Is there any technique (s) I can trial out
There are basically three character traits you would like to instill in him . They are: being respectful of others, being responsible, and taking responsibility for failures. If a child will develop these three character traits, they will likely succeed in life. Repeat them over and over, write them down, and expect your son to live by them.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Please clarify:
-expectation: suggestions for possible consequences I can employ when not complying
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you sir, some great advise so far
One technique I have used with several families is the token system. Each day, he has the opportunity to earn four quarters, one quarter for each character trait plus one for a good day. Do that five days and then on the weekend give him the opportunity to spend them or maybe after about six weeks take him to Chuck E. Cheese and let him spend his own quarters on the games. Or you can use dimes instead of quarters and take each week to Dollar Tree. This becomes both reward and consequences. Does this make sense?
One more technique I have developed that is not so much discipline as it is just good parenting:
U.N.I.Q.U.E. TimeEvery child deserves some regularly scheduled U.N.I.Q.U.E. Time with a caring adult.
Overall er the years I have worked with many a wayward child, ranging in age from three to eighteen with issues ranging from lying to attempted homicide. The parents report having tried everythingt (at least the good ones do). They have disciplined them, defended them, and even bribed them, yet nothing seems to work. Their child is simply out of control.Almost without fail, within a few weeks of regular counseling sessions, there has been notable improvement in their behavior and attitude. Not necessarily miraculous improvement, but notable improvement.A part of me would like to brag that this improvement is due to some great skillful manipulation on my part. I no doubt use various techniques and approaches, yet any success seems more in spite of my efforts than it does as a result.I am convinced that my success is more related to my presence than it is my clinical savvy. It is an accepted understanding that success in therapy is 80% relational and 20% clinical. My experience is that this is true.My question is, if this is true for the therapist does it hold true for the parent as well? Does successful parenting have more to do with relationship than it does with discipline and techniques. My observation is a resounding yes!I have observed on numerous occasions love covers a multitude of sins. I have seen parents that discipline too harsh, yet with love, and love has won out. I have seen parents that were apparently too lenient, yet they have loved, and love has won out. At the same time I have seen parents apparently get it all right, yet without love, and in the end, failed as parents.To develop that relationship between you and your child I encourage you to spend regularly scheduled U.N.I.Q.U.E. Time with him/her. This is time dedicated to developing your relationship with your child as well as giving your child the positive attention needed to grow into secure confident young adults.U.N.I.Q.U.E. Time is• Unique time spent doing something unique to you and your child. You may differ in so many ways, yet this is a time devoted to maybe that one thing you share uniquely in common.• No Pressure to Perform or Please. It is not about winning or losing, but instead about the time spent together.• Interactive between Participants. It is doing something that involves interaction, whether it be a game, fishing, or even hunting. It simply must be done in a way that involves communication and give and take on the part of both participants.
• Quality vs Quantity: Much has been said concerning the importance of quantity in parenting. I don't argue with that in general terms. Concerning U.N.I.Q.U.E. Time, Quality is much more important than Quantity. It is about giving your child your all and your best on a weekly or even monthly basis. Give them something to remember.• Unconditional Positive Regard - This is not about discipline or even instruction. It is about connecting. Your child deserves your undivided attention and positive interaction with no strings attached.• Enjoyable to Both Participants. A child should not have to beg a parent or guardian to spend time. The parent should look forward to this as much as the child. I promise they sense a fake too.In years to come, when you are likely dead and gone, your child will not remember specific times of discipline most likely. They will remember hopefully the lessons taught but likely not the specifics of the lesson given.They will remember these unique times though or the lack thereof. They will appreciate your taking time to care. It is these U.N.I.Q.U.E. Times that will qualify the discipline and wisdom.
I hope I have been helpful to you. Please take the time to write my response so I can receive credit for it.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you, ***** ***** you again I realise in your 'unique' technique that I desperately need to implement, he's begs to do things together but selfishly brushed his aside
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
You mentioned to "write my response..." Where do I do this
I meant “rate “. You should be prompted to do so.
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